caring and sharing

hearts and flowers

2012-01-08T16:03:00.000-08:00

i have been feeling really ill ever since Christmas day.rushing around getting lunch,stressing,lol brought on a massive angina attack.my own stupid fault,but it made me really feel bad.pain in arm,tight feeling in chest,bad signs.so last week i went off to dr.M.he examined me,said heart sounded ok,was still beating at any rate,lol.but,i had a very nasty chest infection.did think i had,i could feel it.so put me on antibiotics,my favourite big yellow horse pills that always get stuck and taste vile.also,increased the beta blockers i am on to double strength,and i do feel much better.one worry less.the MS is bad at moment,loss of feeling in my hands leads to smashed crockery quite often,dropped a nice vase last week full of flowers mum had had for birthday.i am getting terrible nightmares as well,but i think they are the result of increased beta blockers.alll in all not the start i hoped for in 2012.

mums bunion is causing concern again,very badly swollen,and that split is very red.or its scar is.nurse will look at it if it gets worse,really do not want it to burst.nasty for her last time,took months to heal.

the group i started on facebook continues to grow,if anyone is interested in joining,please contact me or indeed Guido,he is an admin for me.anyone in pain with MS,FM,ME,Arthritis,diabetes,anything that causes pain and distress.we share what we are feeling,and we help each other.we care,we share. hmmmm wonder where i got that from? lol.why did i start it?mainly because 1 member had MS,and was worried.there are so many places you can get "help and advice" from,MS society being the best,but what about FM?yes,there is a web site,as there are for many if not all of the different illnesses,BUT they are all so impersonal.what as needed,i thought anway,was a place we could go to be with friends.where people could come together to give each other help and support.to share information,new advances,or,just to have somewhere private,where friends and family couldnt read,to unload what is worrying us.it is a private group,only members can read what we write.many members, and i have over 40 now have never written anything,or shared. but,and i have had messages and emails thanking me,still get comfort from reading what others have posted,and realising they are not alone with their fears. fear.it is a nasty thing to realise you have a disease,whatever it may be,that is affecting your life.making you "not the person you were".and it is nice to get support,and we are friends on there first and foremost.

anyway,hope you all had nice christmasses,and new year celebrations.it has been a mild winter here this year,no snow,at least where i am,indeed very,very few frosts.i found a clematis flower on the large one i have near my front door,and bulbs are poking through.i know we can still get a bad time,but it all helps.roll on the spring. the primrose in the picture is growing in a tub,lovely to have some colour in the garden.cyclamen are all blooming as well.pansies are poor though,slugs and snails had a good go before the winter.never really recovered.

i go and see my MS consultant next month,apart from that i hope to be free from hospital visits for a long time.i do hope you are all keeping as well as can be,take care all,mort xx

91 TODAY

2012-01-03T16:06:00.000-08:00

ANGELA JEAN LAKE,(Nee Long)BORN 3RD JAN.1921 AT HINDOLVESTON,NORFOLK,UK.my mum.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED MOTHER. she is very forgetful now,gets so confused sometimes,and yes,sometimes she gets angry with herself.in constant pain from the damn arthritis,gout,and that bunion that split the other year looks bad again,BUT..........SHE IS MY MUM,I LOVE HER,AND I CARE FOR HER THE VERY BEST I CAN.AND WILL DO FOR AS LONG AS I CAN.thankyou so much to all my friends on Facebook for all the lovely messages for her.made her day.pam has been over with flowers,kevin came to see her,so she had a lovely day.take care all.xx

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

2011-12-31T15:41:00.000-08:00

WISHING ALL MY FRIENDS A VERY HAPPY 2012.hope it is a good year for us all.for those of us in pain,saddened by loss,burdened by debt and cares, i wish us all some respite,and to find those "shiny" moments in every day.

It hasn't been a good year for me,2011 was the year i lost someone i had grown to love very much,mums health has continued to cause concern,her memory loss is much worse now.i had the worry of having to go into hospital about throat,thankfully all was ok. the MS continues to gallop away from me sometimes. as i type this i have no feeling in my hands at all,my concentration is limited. and i get frustrated because sometimes i cannot remember what i wanted to say.

but there were the good things too.old friends came back into my life. and i still have you,loyal readers.( sorry stephen king lol) and i will try and post more regularly.at least this winter has been mild,unlike last years.

and as 2012 is but a few minutes away,at least here in the UK,i wish you all a peaceful,and happy new year. thankyou for being my friends,take care,mort xxx

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY FRIENDS

2011-12-24T16:34:00.000-08:00

I WISH ALL MY FRIENDS ON HERE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS,AND A HAPPY 2012.
Sorry i haven't been on here lately,again i got locked out.blogspot seems to do this every time i have to run a virus scan. takes me ages to get on here then.sorry Lucy,i will catch up soon,hope you are ok.and my other friends too.
As for me?MS is bad.pain,also angina not good.kept in check by tablets though so far.my ankle was xrayed,it is NOT arthritis,its the long tendon under foot.torn most probably.i have inserts in bottom of shoes,and they are helping.the ankle is so sore because i am walking to compensate for the pain of the torn ligament which is causing problems in the ankle. hopefully it will heal,i do exercises,if it cant heal,then an operation can be done.
mum?not too good,forgets so much now,but is happy,loved,cared for.and yes,it is hard on me.but then it is for every carer.
2011 was not a good year for me.i lost someone i loved deeply.it still hurts.but i moved on,as we have to.i give thanks to all my friends for their part in this.
my group on facebook seems to be a success,and i am glad people find it helps.and so,as i write this it is Christmas day.
I WISH THOSE IN PAIN,SORROW,WORRY,FINANCIAL DISTRESS,WHATEVER,THAT WE MAY ALL FIND A "SHINY"MOMENT IN EVERY DAY,AND IN EVERYTHING WE DO.
thankyou all for following,and being my friend.take care all.Mort xxxx

LEST WE FORGET

2011-11-11T03:32:00.000-08:00

ON THE ELEVENTH HOUR,OF THE ELEVENTH DAY,OF THE ELEVENTH MONTH 1918 ENDED THE WAR TO END ALL WARS.as we all are so aware it did not end wars,just that awful conflict.this year,more than ever,on 11.11.11.11.we must remember their sacrifices made.
All those war memorials,in every town,village,and city in this country,and so many more,all those names of ( in so many cases) young men,hardly more than boys,all that pain,suffering,bloodshed. WE WILL REMEMBER THEM.

THIS YEAR,MORE THAN EVER,LET PEACE PREVAIL,LET THE KILLING STOP.LET OUR TROOPS COME HOME FROM OH SO MANY CONFLICTS.

WEAR YOUR POPPY WITH PRIDE. take care all.

the waiting game.again.

2011-09-11T16:01:00.000-07:00

well,first i must thank everyone on call for support on Facebook,and on my home page for all the lovely comments i have had.it is appreciated.

now,i went on the 1st to have a preop assessment.had to be there at 9.00 am.ok,it was on a thursday,tracey comes to mum mid morning,knew all about it so didnt bother swapping day over.night before her firm rang to say she would be later.she was.i was home first. so mum had to be on her own,someone did come in and see her,a friend rang,so she was ok.but its typical,you think all is ok,and something goes wrong.worse was to come. i left early,7.30,it takes around an hour to get there.as it was traffic was light and i parked at 8.30.rang mum to make sure she was ok,got parking ticket validated,i get free parking,blue badge.and went into reception,handed the girl on desk my letter,she typed into computer,looked at letter,looked at me,and you just KNOW whats coming."can you take a seat please sir". sure enough 5 minutes later another lady came up,mr lake,im sorry.your pre-op has been cancelled.WHAT?????but the op is still going ahead,so,you MUST have a pre-op.sister has got you in at 9.45. it appears a manager,and she held her hands up and said sorry,made a mistake and cancelled mine instead of another patients.anyway,i eventually got seen to,very efficient sister,took my bloods,ecg,did the lot herself.and i was home by 12.20.( no comments about speed limits please.i kept strictly to them.possibly not in the right order mind,lol) mum was fine.and that was the pre-op.
i went in the next friday,my mate took me in.had to be there at 11,and i reported to same day procedure ward at 10.20. and waited. i was told i was second on list for afternoon surgery,so was glad to be called at 2,told to change into very sexy surgical stockings and gown, and waited.and waited.and...........it was 4.20 when i went and asked the nurse how long it was going to be,that i was going home that night,that my mum had nobody to look after her after 7,etc.anyway,they came and got me soon after.bit of argument with anaesthatist who loftily told me i MAY be able to go home after. i politley,but OH so firmly explained i WOULD be going home.no buts.i was going.she got me to agree that my mate was stopping over in case of emergency. coughs politely,lol.i was out in seconds,next thing i knew i was awake with oxygen mask over face.all done. onto ward. given glass of ice cold water,drank that ok.would i like a cup of tea and sandwich asked nurse??i think my face said it all lol. best cuppa ever.hot.and a decent ham sandwich.just had my second bite,( think starving baracuda attacking its prey,lol) when the surgeon came in. oh he said,i see you can eat and drink ok,lol. told me he was pleased,that he had only taken biopsy from the soft tissue that is swollen as voice box,larynx,oesophagus,all ok.and i should hear from them with an appointment in 3 to 4 weeks.i was allowed out at 8,mate came and got me.and the first thing we did?McDONALDS.lol.big mac meal,large.vanilla milk shake and apple pie later,and 1 pie for mum to take home i felt human lol.mate is on a diet so only had diet coke.never has a big mac tasted so good.and i couldnt care less what crap is written about McDonalds,i really couldnt care less whats in their milk shakes to thicken them,or how many trees it takes to..............you get my point?????? it was bloody DELICIOUS.and so home we went. got home at 9.40,rosie had called round,thankyou to her,to carol,to pam,who had been with mum all morning,and brian for getting her tea. she was pleased i was home,ate her apple pie,which she loves,lol. mate had a coffee and went home.and i went to bed around midnight. sore throat but ok. i was sore for a week,throat and chest very painful.as i have acid reflux,as i am going under the anaesthetic,they press down hard onto chest and abdomen to stop the acid coming into gullet.and of course it gets bruised.
and so i am still waiting to hear.i shall tell you all when i know.
finally,on Facebook i have started a new group. its called we care,we share.it is for sufferers of MS,ME,FM,arthritis,back pain,in fact ANY pain. by sharing our pain and stories perhaps we can help others cope with their pain.anybody interested in joining please let me know.and thanks to the 28 members i have so far.and to Guido for his input. and astra.my admin.who does strange archaic gestures at my posts and turns them into DOCS.lol.i apologise to 2 friends on facebook i added to group,i thought i was inviting them,turned out i added.facebook does like to change things.sorry.and we got it sorted. hope you are all well,or as well as we can be,take care all.

WE NEVER FORGET THEIR LOSS.IN REMEMBRANCE OF 9/11

2011-09-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

10 YEARS AGO,ON THE 11TH SEPTEMBER,2001 AN ATROCITY WAS COMMITTED THAT WAS SO AWFUL IT IS JUST KNOWN BY A DATE.9/11.MANY OF MY FELLOW BLOGGERS WILL BE DOING THEIR OWN REMBRANCE POSTS I KNOW.ALL I AM GOING TO SAY IS THIS.WE WILL NEVER FORGET THEIR LOSS.NOT OVER HERE IN THE UK,IT IS IN EVERY ONE OF OUR PAPERS TODAY.WE WILL NEVER FORGET ALL THE DEATHS CAUSED BY EVIL PEOPLE.AND WE STILL MOURN THEIR LOSS.AND WE STAND WITH THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IN SILENCE.AND WE REMEMBER.
GOD BLESS AMERICA.THE PEOPLE OF GREAT BRITAIN MOURN WITH YOU,AND WE PRAY THAT ONE DAY THE KILLINGS WILL STOP,
Take care all,i have news of my recent biopsy,pretty good,but wanted to share this post first. because its a day that MUST be remembered,mort

thankyou

2011-08-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

I am deeply,deeply moved by all the lovely messages,and comments,on here,on facebook,on call for support.what can i say?thankyou seems so inadequate.but is all i can say.i have always tried to be there for anyone who needs a friendly ear,and i think anyone who knows me knows i will help in any way i can,if they are down,in trouble,hurting. its what i do.and now its my turn for pampering lol.thankyou everyone. it is appreciated so much.
One thing i didnt put,as i was walking from the Hospital car park for my appointment i had the most terrible pain i think i have ever known in my life strike in my right leg.it hurt.so much so that coming out after the car seemed miles away.anyway i made an appointment to see Dr.M this morning,A,to keep him informed what is happening,B,to find out what ive done to leg.i really thought i had pulled hamstring.instead it is phlebitis.i knew i had bad varicose veins just behind knee,and that is what is causing the pain.i am rubbing voltarol gel in 3 times a day.anyone got a cat that widdles a lot??because that would be as effective,lol. but the pain is not so bad today as it was,and it does feel a bit easier.i have not been able to get in touch with a social worker yet so have not been able to ssort out mums care when i go into hospital.hope i can early next week.

Now for something different. summer. can anyone tell me where it went??? i am so sure i read at the start of june that we were going to have a lovely hot summer.instead we have had rain,high winds that have ruined the flowers and runner beans,although i am getting reasonable crop from them,and cold.whatever the weather has been where you are i hope you have had a good summer,and once again,many thanks.take care all,mort

worrying times.

2011-08-11T16:03:00.000-07:00

Well,as many of you will have seen on Facebook,and i must thank the many friends for their comments,emails and messages on there,I have more problems. first back,the scan results came back tuesday,the scan shows that my back is basically........well,not good,lol.but,it hasn't got any worse,so that is good,and i will not be having any operation in the forseeable future,just be sensible,and keep taking painkillers and exercise.the op.to fuse the vertebra is too dangerous to consider while i am able to move ok.thats the good news.

Now for the bit that has turned things upside down. Yesterday i went back to Norfolk and Norwich Hospital about my voice.appointment was 3.40,but it was 4.10 before i was called in.another Dr.saw me,asked how i was feeling,noted my voice seems stronger,then came the dreaded camera up nose bit.left nostril this time.and much longer examination.and i felt it scrape my throat,right at the back.then it was removed,and the Dr said,your throat,very swollen. now,i know its swollen.has been for ages,going right back when i had tonsil removed. but this time the Dr.seems concerned.felt all round glands at back and side of neck. then dropped the bombshell. " there may be something wrong mr.lake,i need to get you in so we can perform an exploratory operation,do a biopsy on the tissue.and further tissue may need to be removed." i just sat there. how soon? as soon as possible mr.lake. and,how long will i be in hospital?.well.perhaps just 1 day,maybe 2,3,or more,depending on what we find. the nurse prepared consent forms,and the Dr.wrote out a prescription for Gaviscon,as he wants me to take it every night before i go to bed.it is an antacid,he wanted me to go down to pharmacy and get it there,but after the last time i asked if it was ok if i get it today from my own surgery.and this i did.just wanted to come home. the nurse explained i would have to go for a pre-op assessment,and then the operation will be done as soon as possible.i explained im a 24/7 carer and i just cant come into hospital at 24 hours notice,i need at least 2 weeks warning. so i then went to reception and handed in a booking in form,and was told i am on the waiting list and will hear very soon, and came out. ok,i sneaked a look at that form.its suspected that i have a condition caused by acid reflux.i was checked several years ago as i have a hiatus hernia.when you are asleep acid from your stomach comes back up the oeophagus and causes burns on the lining,which is what causes the hiatus hernia. there is the chance that this can cause oral cancer in later years.and that little word was also mentioned on the booking in form. and is what the biopsy is for of course. i came home in a daze.told mum on phone i needed to go in for an op.and Carol kept with her til i got home.
i have got to get in touch with social workers,carers,etc. so much to sort.it maybe just the one day.please. so,that is my news. good wishes appreciated.prayers if you wish.whatever it is,i will deal as i always deal.one day at a time.as always i will keep you all informed.thanks for being there for me everyone.it is appreciated so much.
LASTLY,CAN I JUST CONDEMN THE AWFUL VIOLENCE,LOOTING,AND RIOTING THIS COUNTRY SAW EARLIER IN THE WEEK.MAY THOSE RESPONSIBLE BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE SOON.and pray that peace will prevail once more.stay safe,take car all,mort

So,who DOES care???

2011-07-25T14:45:00.000-07:00

As i wrote in my last post i had the camera up my nose to check vocal chords.and it bloody hurt.you talk about speedy gonzales,lol.it was shoved up before i could say,will it hu........yep.he looked,said oh. have you been on antibiotics lately??Yes says i.about 10 lots in the last year,keep getting chest infections,why?well,you have got mushrooms growing!!! hey??? thinking of pick your own,lol. apparently i have Thrush growing on my vocal chords.those damn antibiots kill all the good bacteria as well as the bad,result,fungal infection,AKA Thrush.so he said i will write a prescription,go to Pharmacy.now i know the pharmacy. you abandon all hope going there. sure enough it took 45 minutes before i had the tablets.guess?yep,more antibiotics to fight the infection caused by antibiotics. got to go back in 4 weeks time so he can check if it has cleared,and so he can see the vocal chords properly.i didnt get home til 6.my mate took me from his,but next time is later so i will drive myself.oh the joy.a sore nose and nothing to show for it.
Now,as well as MS many of you are aware i also suffer from back trouble,one disc was removed many years ago,and another has burst,thanks to the dear old lady on a mobility scooter who forced me to slip off the pavement kerb 2 years ago.now that disc is really giving me problems,so much so a few weeks ago i went and saw Dr.M,who took one look at me hobbling in with my walking stick,and said,back or MS?back i said.all i did was bend froward to get something out of a cupboard,didnt even go right down,just bent forward.and it went out.and for 3 weeks i was in agony,and nothing eases the pain.no ice,not heat,tablets,nothing helps.he examined me on the couch,said,mort,you really dont have reflexes.lol.i know thanks.and said he would order an MRI scan to be done.the last was 2 years ago.Then i was told i couldnt have an operation on the back due to heart,and being on blood thinners.those have now been finished with long ago,so he wants another scan done to see if an operation to fuse 5 vertebrae is possible,and if it is,will it help?also put me on some new tablets which i had to stop as they made me so sick.did warn me they may. he was right.big time.
So,last week i got a letter from Cromer Hospital,an MRI is being done this thursday evening at 5.50PM. strange time but they are so backlogged with scans they are scanning until 10 at night. Now,i used to go to Myras every week,so i know how long it takes to get there,and bearing in mind it is now holiday time and our roads are full,i knew it will take at least nearly 3 hours travel and scan time.a scan can take up to 45 minutes.so i rang Crossroads carers. carers for carers. Carol comes here every wednesday to allow me some time for myself,often i go to bed or go to mates.now,usually in the past,if i had hospital Sue would let me have my wednesday,by putting the appointment down as a "short break at short notice",ensuring i still got some time off.so,imagine my surprise when i rang them,i will ring you back the girl said,well we had to go out later that day,and we got home to find a message on the answer phone.hello morton,its crossroads,carol can do that thursday,BUT,i am afraid you cannot have the wednesday as well.sorry. best we can do.you are only allowed 3 hours a week now. i thought,well at least mum will have company at night while i am out,and i didnt mind too much.nothing planned for the wednesday.but i did feel a bit down,its nice to have that few hours "me"time.
Anyway,the next morning i rang them,and got Sue.i told her i was ringing to thank them for getting me cover at night,which i know is always difficult and that i was grateful carol was coming,mum likes her a lot.she said,mort,i so wanted to give you your wednesday as well.i just cant do it im sorry. there is no money available for short breaks at the moment.i asked well,what if i had 2 appointments in 1 week?as sue says,many carers can and do have just that problem. i am not the only carer in ill health.she said,if it is an emergency i will make sure you are looked after,but things are really bad.apparently the whole Swifts,night owls,and relief carer situation is under threat from under funding and the savage cuts that have been forced on the local council by the coalition government.and sue told me i may be better off seeing if i can switch to self funding.not going into all the ins and outs of that here.all i will say is that Sue was really upset she couldnt do more for me,but i was just grateful i had cover.she has always been so good to help in the past i am not complaining about her or her staff.they hate this situation.
BUT. as i said,i am not the only carer with ill health. there are many elderly carers,who are caring for middle aged handicapped children,or a senile partner,or even parents,as i care for mum.if the care provision is being cut,and we lose our relief carers,WHO WILL HELP US CARE??Daily it seems as though care home after care home is closing,respite care is being cut,funding is being lost every day. so,just WHO WILL CARE??? not this damn government,or councils.social services have lost huge ammounts off their budgets,money that should be there to help people who need 24 hour care is not available.some can call on other family members,i dont have that to fall back on,i cant rely,nor do i want to have to rely,on neighbours or friends to help me.so,if i did have to have an operation,let us say,on my back,just WHO is going to care for my mum??she gets confused and scared when she has strange carers as it is,if she does not know them she worries.what will happen to her if i cannot carry on??who will look after the many thousands of people just like her?WHO CARES???
THE CARE OF THE ELDERLY AND HANDICAPPED IN THIS COUNTRY IS NOW A DISGRACE.and it is one that is only going to get worse. so ask yourself this,in maybe 5 years time,if YOU or your loved ones need care,either in their own homes,or in a care home,just WHO will care for them?? I and thousands more like me save this country millions in care costs.but at the end of the day...................JUST WHO CARES????? take care all.

summ---er garden pics.if we get that summer.

2011-07-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

FRONT BOARDER

FIRST YEAR FOR THESE CARNATIONS,GIVEN A LOVELY SHOW

BUSY LIZZIES AND PETUNIAS,WITH SOME TUBEROUS BGONIAS

AHEM. YES WELL,hangs head in shame,lol. it was cheap ok.very cheap.cost me £5,99,which is around 10 bucks for Lucy and jack,lol.its resin,sun dial as you can see,stands around 4 foot tall.the gnome is a solar light that comes on at night,£3 or 2 for a fiver.cant be bad.same with the ones you can see on the ground,theres 2 that look like rocks and 2 frogs,all 2 for £5.supermarkets are getting the place to go if you want cheap garden lighting.

i do have quite a nice show this year,the weather has been not too bad,dry,so i have had to water,a lot of wind,but not too vicious.

Tomorrow,wednesday i go to Norwich Hospital to Ear,Nose,and Throat for camera down throat.my MS consultant is not convinced my weak voice is all due to the MS so wants vocal chords checked to make sure there is nothing nasty on them.as the camera goes up nostril it is not a particularly pleasant procedure.my mate is going to take me from his,so i dont have to drive so far.I will let you all know the result as soon as i hear.in the meantime i hope summer finally makes its mind up and stays for us all.it is really cool tonight again,about time we got nice warm nights,not that many yet.take care all.

FORGOT THESE ONES,MY PURPLE CLEMATIS,USED TO GROW UP MY SADLY DESTROYED ROSE ARCH.NOW TRAILS ALONG THE RAILINGS.

THIS REPEATED ITSELF AND I CANT REMOVE IT,LOL. THEY ARE GROWING WELL.

IN MEMORY

2011-07-07T03:29:00.000-07:00

IN MEMORY OF THOSE PEOPLE KILLED AND INJURED IN THE LONDON BOMBINGS.

6 Years ago today.We will never forget the atrocities committed against innocent men,women,and children.Neither can we forget that this can so easily happen again.

GRATEFUL THANKS ARE DUE FROM ALL OF US TO OUR SECURITY FORCES AND POLICE FOR THE PROTECTION THEY AFFORD US,AND THE DANGERS THEY FACE EVERY DAY. take care all.

FOR ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS

2011-07-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

I WISH EVERY ONE OF MY FRIENDS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA A VERY HAPPY 4TH OF JULY.GOD BLESS AMERICA.

I have'nt been reading many blogs lately,the odd one,somehow i just can't get motivated these days.but i try and keep up with those of you on my friends list on Facebook.I shall be posting some pictures of the garden soon,and promise to let you all know what is happening in my life.I will just say i had a lovely surprise when my good friend Jayne came to see me from Cornwall,we had a lovely day in Wells next sea,and it was lovely to meet her after all the time we have been chatting on the net.Hope everyone is keeping as well as can be,will post soon,take care all.

SAD NEWS.

2011-06-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

I have already posted on facebooks call for support a short time ago,but i know many of you do not use facebook. i have just heard from my dear friend Margaret over in Northern Ireland,that her beloved sister Sheila just lost her fight against cancer.i know Margaret is devastated at the loss,and i mourn her sisters passing.please pray for Margaret,she is a good friend,who has always been there for me when i was down.thankyou all.

Also,i do not know how many of you saw the article on the young 15 year old terminally ill cancer sufferer Alice in the news? she has just started a new blog,alices bucket list about all the things she wants to do in the time she has left.Alice's Bucket List: Hello :) will take you to her blog.i was humbled to read this amazing girls blog. It puts my problems into a different perspective. please leave a comment for Alice,she deserves it.

And finally,i am sorry i haven't posted lately,or been reading blogs.somehow i lost my way,what with breaking up with my friend,( and yes,we are STILL friends,we speak on phone every week)worry about mum,who is getting very forgetful and vague,and in so much pain with arthritis,not to mention a very nasty septic finger that required a course of antibiotics to shift,my own health problems,MS is bad,and my back is making me very depressed and down.All came together recently and i just had enough. money worries do not help either i may add.I hope i can put the past behind me now and move on,so hopefully more posts will be appearing soon.Thanks to Lucy,Herrad,and Beth,and of course Guido for keeping in touch with me,and indeed many more of you have sent emails and messages asking how i am,very kind of you all.

FOR ALL THOSE IN PAIN,SUFFERING THE LOSS OF LOVED ONES,THE SICK,TERMINALLY ILL,AND THOSE WHO ARE SAD AND DEPRESSED,MAY YOU ALL FIND PEACE,and for those who believe,let us pray that cancer and other serious diseases will one day be cured. thankyou for reading,take care all. Mort xx

alone again,naturally.

2011-03-25T12:53:00.000-07:00

Those of my readers on Facebook may have noticed my relationship status has changed to single. again. i deliberately removed the notification off news feed,also off Myras. but i posted a comment,and a few put 2 and 2 together. and many thanks for all the nice messages of support i received.so what happened several have asked?well,its just the culmination of several things really,nobody to blame. i am a carer,and i just don't get the time to give,3 hours a week is not enough for any relationship,however often you phone each other,and we both have been hurt badly in the past.MS has played a part as well,the reason for that i will keep private.Myra is a lovely,wonderful lady,and i wish her well. and i really mean that.yes i was upset,yes i was hurt and angry, but as someone once said,never cry over that which once gave you joy. for the last 11 months myra has been part of my life. (and thankyou for that. i shall never forget you.xx) we will see each other sometimes,perhaps,i hope we remain friends. but i do
want to wish her every happiness. i will write more of what MS can ruin in a relationship some other time. not that that was the main reason we parted.
Ok,so that is the sad news,on a more positive note the beta blockers appear to be keeping the angina in check.which is good news.i am still waiting to see E.N.T about voice,and the O.T. has got me a new shower handle fitted,a shower chair,and a new wheelchair is coming for mum.which will help to make life easier for both. thankyou for your kind comments about my post on OCD,alli was so touched.she told me it made so much difference knowing other people understand just what she is going through.
spring hopefully is on the way,a few nice warmish,sunnny days have helped. the daffodils are in full bloom,snowdrops are finished as are crocus.and of course,........THE DUCKS ARE BACK.lol. yes,they are swimming away on the pond again. making a mess,pulling the weed about,but who cares?it means the awful cold of winter will soon be a memory. take care all.

OCD.thankyou Alli

2011-03-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

I'm twenty years of age,

Used to think I'd be somewhere by this stage,

But I have a mental illness called, OCD,

And it's taken a big part of my life from me

I've buried my ambitions deep in my soul,

So many may think that my life has no goal,

But I know if I pursued them I'd only find,

That OCD would take over and consume my mind,

In a survey, my full time occupation would be,

Struggling through each day, only focussing on me,

Inviting me out is something you shouldn't do,

Because the outcome will be a disappointment for you

To be more precise, and to show that I care,

I'll tell you what happens when the outing day's here,

I spend hours getting ready, but when I do something wrong,

It must be re-done 'til my anxiety has gone

What could you do so wrong? You might ask,

Well just brushing my hair can be an hour long task,

Because my every movement is controlled by "The Voice",

It shows me no mercy, no reasoning, nor choice

I've become mistrusting of others, so when they are kind,

I feel a hidden agenda must be in mind,

Who would take any interest in me?

I don't deserve it, I'm unworthy

I've taken to chatting to old friends online,

Jealousy consumes me their lives are not mine,

Pursuing their dreams, countless nights out of fun,

Then there's me, who for months cannot think of one

For the truth is I live like a prisoner in my home,

Then only I can judge me if I'm all alone,

I feel I've failed life, so deserve this fate,

I'm on the road to recovery, but a cure I await.

I want to be honest, to tell everyone I'm ill,

But what would they think of me? What would they feel?

"Sorry to hear that". You'll be better soon".

Might be their kind words, but would they think "What a loon".?

But I wouldn't blame them if they didn't understand,

For I was the same before life dealt me this hand,

I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I've become,

A fully grown woman that depends on her Mum

I've lost my independence, I rely on others to guide me,

For a small task for you, I feel self accomplishment can never be,

My feelings are anger, guilt and despair,

For taking others time, but still getting nowhere

So now when you look at me, what do you see?

A strange, quiet girl, hiding from society?

Well if you do, then you are wrong,

I'm battling a mental illness, but one day I'll be strong

by ALLI FIRMAGE, 2007,STIFFKEY,NORFOLK,UK
That was written by someone who knows what it is to be in the grip of OCD,obsessive-compulsive disorder. imagine having to do,and redo,the same task,over and over again,because it just isnt "right".imagine washing your hands,over,and over,and over.until they are red raw and bleeding.imagine cleaning your house from top to bottom,every single day,and sometimes,2,3,times a day if some unsuspecting visitor has sat on a chair you just cleaned.imagine.
Now,imagine a pretty young lady,late teens,early 20s,going out for the night.and having to take as long as 6 hours to do it.well,that is the reality that Alli has to face,each time she wants to go somewhere.Her and so many more.my lovely friend Debs,all those years ago,i went to see her one day,and she was at the sink,washing her hands,she had been bleaching the worktops.with no gloves.and her hands were bleeding.and she would do that up to 5 times a day.
Alli is slowly improving,as she says,she can have some control over how she does things now,she posted the poem today on Facebook,i saw it,i cried. and i am asking you,my readers,if you could copy that poem,and perhaps post it on your blog,Facebook,whatever social networking site you use,whatever you can do.please give credit to alli and mention her name.it deserves to be read by a far wider audience than just her friend list.will you do that if you can please???
Why am I posting it on my blog?? because there is a stigma attached to OCD,it is badly misunderstood,people think it is all "in the mind" that the sufferer is not trying,that he or she should "pull themselves together,snap out of it",that they cannot be right in the head.(my personal all time favourite,that one,very caring that is ).and because i also have it.oh,not bad.nowhere as bad as Alli.i can manage to keep it under control,and it is mainly having to do things in a certain order,etc.i can manage to break the cycle.but i KNOW what Alli goes through.and Debs,and so many more.like MS it is not understood,people think just because we look ok we are ok.ask Alli if she FEELS ok.or me.and then give thanks to whatever greater being you believe in,that YOU don't have it.or your son,daughter,whoever.
I believe it took a lot of courage for Alli to post that today on her home page on Facebook.it took guts.and she deserves our,YOUR,admiration and respect. and maybe,just maybe,it can help someone else out there in what i still call Jland.thankyou for reading,thankyou if you repost.take care all.mort. with many grateful thanks to Alli Firmage,and to all those who suffer from OCD.

life goes on.

2011-03-15T16:48:00.000-07:00

i am so sorry i haven't been on here lately,not even been reading my beloved lucys blog,and i apologise. lot been going on in my life.i was rushed into hospital a few weeks ago,i had been feeling very ill the night before,an angina attack,but it was odd as i had been taking it easy that day.(honestly,lol) the next morning i still had bad pains in my arms so rang Drs.they asked me to go up and see the nurse for an ECG,i got there at 8.30.sat there feeling ill,and got called in.she asked me to lie on bed,connected me up,gave me ECG,looked at printout,smiled at me,said wont be a second morton,just take this to Dr.M,came back 5 minutes later,and said...............ambulance is on its way mate,lie there still please.omg.i shall cut a lot out as it will take too long to write,but i had to ring myra,mum,and then was taken to hospital. shame the damn ambulance was faulty,over 3000 RPM it shook,lol.the attendant told me it was fine night before,they got the call from surgery about me,hit the road,the lady friver put her foot down,and he got shook out of his seat.lol.he was pretty sure i wasnt having an attack,his ECG was ok,so we took it easy.even so it was...........interesting.taken into A and E,ECG,blood tests,anti clotting drug into tummy,xrays etc.and it was decided my angina has gone from a stable angina,to unstable,meaning anything can trigger it. long and short of it is,i am now on a beta blocker a day,and angina meds been increased to 1 full tablet from a half.and i feel much better. thankyou myra for ringing mum,and making sure brian was there with her,also for going to hospital and picking me up.i got home at 8pm.she took me to the surgery so i could get my car.alls well,etc.
i have seen the MS consultant also since i last posted.occupational therapist has been and i have had a new shower seat brought,rails added,etc.just one worrying thing,he did say my weak voice may not be all due to MS,and has written to ear nose and throat to get me checked over.apart from that,yes i am worse,weaker on left side,usual happy things.no worry.
mum has not been too good,gets very forgetful and vague,i heard her one night out of bed,she was looking for something in bedroom,but she had no idea what it was she was looking for. and i cant write any more about that. it is too painful.
i am going to post again tomorrow or weekend,a poem i read on a young ladies facebook site.and i need your help. because i want you,faithful readers,to copy that poem,paste it on your blog.and post it too. you will all see why. it needs so much more recgonition than just my blog. it is on OCD.AND IT MADE ME CRY.and it is beautifully written from the heart.i shall post shortly,thankyou all for being there for me,take care all,mort

HAPPY 90TH BIRTHDAY MUM

2011-01-03T11:26:00.000-08:00

Lot of presents

even more cards,i had to buy 2,1 with mum,and another with a stuck on 90

Myra,the main person who made mums day so special.thankyou love xx

for a first attempt with a strange camera,the photographer did a good job,lol

no,mum WASN'T crying,or even close.just forgot to smile,lol.all bit much at times.

The lady,a friend of Myras makes these for a hobby.very talented.it tastes wonderful.rich fruit cake,full of cherries and good things.and so moist.

It was my mums 90th birthday today,Myra came over to see her,and to present her with the wonderful cake she had had made for her,along with presents.our neighbour Jan came in,a bottle of Bucks fizz opened,and i cut us all a slice of cake.absolutely delicious.Many grateful thankyous go to my lovely Lady,Myra,you made an old lady very happy today.And her son.

Being a carer full time can be very tiring,specially when i am feeling ill myself,but it is an absolute pleasure to care for mum,and i am glad to be able to do it. take care all.

ANOTHER YEAR OVER,A NEW ONE JUST BEGUN

2011-01-01T02:39:00.001-08:00

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR.HOPE 2011 IS GOOD FOR YOU ALL.

HOME FOR CHRISTMAS.

2010-12-22T09:07:00.000-08:00

Yes,it really is me back,lol.been a while,and i have missed you all.i just had to have a break,and really couldn't see myself starting again.but sometimes it is nice to have somewhere to share life with,facebook,etc.have their uses,and i am still on there,indeed thanks to Guido i am now admin on Facebook (10) Call for Support on Facebook,as i am also on here,Call for Support,so if you know any of our friends in need of moral support,a comment,maybe a prayer,please let any of the admin know.i think Guido made me realise that the spirit of Jland was alive and well,and just how much i missed it.

So,why did i stop?those 2 little initials mainly,M and S.it had become hard for me to concentrate on writing an entry which is interesting,chatty,and that doesn't sound self pitying.still is,lol.but many of my readers have said,we miss you Mort,when are you coming back? and can i thank you all for the many nice comments i have received.so,at this festive time of year,(hence the title) let's play catch up on my life shall we??

Mum is reasonably well,considering she is 90 in january,(and watch out for that post,something special is planned for that milestone.)yes she has bad days,days where she just cannot remember things,gets confused,gets scared.her feet have been reasonably good,her favourite chiropodist is now back from maternity leave,unfortunately we had to cancel her appointment for this past monday as the weather here has been so atrocious,but it is rebooked for 10th january.that carer she had that was so surly and rude has been replaced.i complained rather vociferously to the management at the end of the 2 weeks she was "caring"for mum.on that last friday she spoke a grand total of 16 words to mum,was with us for 7 minutes,and i blew my top.for a few weeks we never knew who we would have the next day,time,or anything.so,at mums review a few weeks ago i explained that mum NEEDS someone who has time for her,who will be here at the same time every day,and who she likes.and i am happy to say that it has been agreed that we only are sent 3 different carers,Michelle who is the main carer,or either Sam,or Sarah.all 3 are actually rapid response carers,and all 3 are lovely,and my mum is happy now.tracey still comes on a Thursday lunch time to see us,and to get mum lunch while i am out.Michelle comes at 7,and she gives mum a good wash,makes time for her needs,has a chat,as do the other 2 ladies.the difference between these 3 carers and the last one is simple.these are CARERS.they know that talking,laughing,taking an interest in their clients,are every bit as important,in fact more important,than just a wash and brush of the hair.Thankyou Michelle,Sam,Sarah,and ok you as well Tracey,lol,bless you all.

I am still getting a bit of angina if i do too much,or rather anything stupid,lol.the MS is worse i suppose,i damn nigh choked to death the other week which scared me.food got stuck across airway.back is........well,not good.pain gets to me at times,but then it does to everyone.i could be a lot worse,and i DO count my blessings.

The biggest blessing has been my lovely girlfriend Myra.we had a MS society dinner dance 2 weeks ago,i got cover for mum for 4 hours. a really great night,with a lovely lady.christmas this year for a change is something i am looking forward to.the lights are all up outside and on the windows,house looks nice.

So,there you have a quick recap.i cannot promise to post regularly,i cannot promise to comment,or even read,your blogs,i just do not have time.but i am always here if anyone ever needs an ear,or if i can help someone.

And on that note,can i just wish you all,A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS,AND A PEACEFUL NEW YEAR. take care all.xxxxxx

this blog cannot be accessed via facebook anymore,i have removed the link.i have my reasons,and they are mainly why i stopped this blog.

THE END

2010-10-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

THIS BLOG IS NOW ENDED FOR THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE,THANKYOU TO ALL MY READERS,ALL WHO HAVE COMMENTED,ALL WHO HAVE BECOME FRIENDS,AND IT IS UNLIKELY I WILL BE READING ANY BLOGS AT THE MOMENT.

all good things come to an end. and caring and sharing has done just that.
take care all, mort xxxx
lucy,and all those who know me on facebook etc.please keep in touch.

IN MEMORY OF 9/11/01.GOD BLESS AMERICA.

2010-09-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

9 years ago,on a day in september that the world will never forget,a day that became known as just a date,9/11,the fabric of our society,not just in the States,but in the UK as well,was ripped apart. The world went mad.and nothing has ever been the same since. I remember the awful images of the twin towers burning,and collapsing as though it were yesterday.Those images will remain with me until the day i die.AS THEY SHOULD REMAIN WITH EVERY PERSON IN THE FREE THINKING WORLD. Many good,honest,loving people died that terrible day.

Whatever our religious beliefs,or indeed lack of belief,can someone please explain something? WHY?? WHY DID THOSE POOR INNOCENT PEOPLE DIE? i am not going into conflicts that followed,that is not for me to judge. all i know is,I CRIED ON SEPTEMBER THE 11TH 2001.I CRIED FOR THE LOSS OF LIFE ,THE DEVASTATION CAUSED.

AND I AM PROUD TO SAY,GOD BLESS AMERICA, LAND OF THE FREE. Your sadness and horror was felt here,and tomorrow i shall say a small prayer for those who died.i hope you will all join with me. take care all.

carers but not caring.

2010-09-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

Mum has a new morning "carer"( i use the title loosely ) Tracey has changed her hours to be able to take her children to school,and wouldnt be here til after 10.15,and thats plain too late.she will still however do the thursday mid-morning call back,so we will still see her. now Tracey dear,if you read this,because its not on the black journal but in the open so to speak,you had your faults,you were always in a rush,but you and mum got on so well.now,this new one is supposed to start at 8 until 8.30. she started monday with us,we have had her once before,and she frankly is NOT a carer,she arrives at 8.15,and is gone before 8.30.in fact today it was 8.18,and left at 8.27. 9minutes. NINE MINUTES.to give a 89 year old frail lady a wash,cream her back,put voltarol pain gel on her knees. she just stands the far side of mums bed and hands her the flannell. quick slap on with cream,through to me to sign and goes. she told me the first morning that Extra Hands,the company she "works"for does not give the girls any travel time. so she leaves Bale (a small village ,very bad roads)at 8,and has to be in Stiffkey at 8.(plainly impossible as i amaround 8 to 10 miles,from there). so she doesnt get here til 8.15.and we are getting 15 minutes of "care"instead of the 30 mum is supposed to have.she only puts 15 minutes down on the sheet i have in mums care plan. well,isn't THAT handy. i am giving her 2 weeks,and at the end of those 2 weeks i am emailing her firm, and sending copies to my social worker/assessor,AND my MP. tomorrow mum is supposed to have a shower.the care plan clearly says so. now,we are NOT going to ask her to shower mum,and will see if she does.i think i can safely make a bet she will not mention it to mum. this firm she works for,again loosely speaking,ALWAYS has adverts in the local Press,the free papers we get,various posters in shops.they cannot keep staff.if they do have good,decent,hard working,CARING staff,they work them to death by giving them more and more jobs,using staff to try and cover for staff who are ill,on holidays etc. THEY DO NOT HAVE RELIEF CARERS TO COVER. 1 lovely lady who used to come here went as "rapid response",her job was to be on call to cover for any unexpected problems,staff going off sick,etc. they got her doing so much she is now on extended sick leave. and this is a company who provides the majority of elderly and housebound peoples care needs.
Mum is lucky,she has me living with her,but how many lonely,confused,infirm elderly people are there in Norfolk,in East Anglia,in the UK in general,for who that morning carer is perhaps the only face he or she will see until some sullen,uncaring "carer" rushes in at lunch time,heats their food,and rushes off. chatting,laughing,CARING,is all part of the job.OR SHOULD BE.i was once told by the company that "their girls don't have time to chat,if the work is done its off to the next",my reply was,then they are NOT doing the job you are being paid a lot of money to provide.namely CARING.
Please remember it may be YOUR mother or father who needs care,it may be you.the care we provide for our elderly in this so called "caring"country is apalling. poorly paid,poorly trained staff,inept office "managers" all contribute to make care UNCARING. and i have had enough.As a MS sufferer there is always that chance I may need full time care one day,if i do i pray it will not be provided by the company that provides mums "care".take care all.

7 years to thank you all for

2010-08-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

Next month i shall have been on AOL for 7 years.this is to thank all the wonderful friends i have made over that period.
I had been wanting a computer for ages,i had a bush internet set top box that allowed me to browse the net using the TV but it wasn't a great success.so,i finally ordered one from my mail order club,along with a desk. now we had just had oil fired central heating installed,the old open fire ripped out,and i had decorated the lounge and hall,papered and painted,2 new chairs,new carpet as the old one now had a damn great hole where the hearth used to be.so i was busy.MS was still 2 initials for the future,although i did have health problems,and in a lot of pain.but i papered,painted,and the day the PC came me and a mate were laying the carpet.the man from the computer company was supposed to deliver it the next week,set it up and give me a demo.instead he unloaded all these boxes,said everything is colour coded just plug n play. quite.anyway,desk installed on new carpet,a mad dash to DIY store to buy a new swivel chair as the new ones i had ordered were far bigger than i thought,switch round of furniture,and i was ready to open the boxes. and it was easy to plug together.even found the on button.which i pressed,it loaded.and??now what. i knew NOTHING about PCs.no manual.no easy guide.nothing.just a box and a screen.what did it do..i had an AOL internet CD-ROM,from some shop.inserted into drive,downloaded,and................internet.signed up for AOL,and i was away. well,as far as the internet went in those first few weeks it was playing backgammon online,odd email from companies i dealt with,but i was a complete novice.very frustrating.and then i found AOLs games had..............texas holdem poker. in those days it was on pogo,and i still play sometimes on there,but it is not as good as in the early days.more like a chatroom with poker.at first i played on my own againt the computer.then one night on my table appeared AngelaB.and you could talk to each other by typing into the dialogue box.and we got chatting."i'm no good at poker" said ange.i was a pretty decent player,having played in the past for real.oh angie.you lying lickle devil,lol.lets just say ive heard her use that phrase many times.somehow after that we always seemed to play a lot together.and i found my first,my longest running friend.and ange,you made me laugh,we rowed,we swore at each other,but my god we had fun.daughters laura and rachel used to moan at her because she used to laugh so much.ada and cissy ange???happy days.then one night,after AOL changed from pogo to its own poker tables which were much more "serious" i was on my own.angela was away,and i was bored.so i went into a chatroom.i had tried them before.and couldn't get the hang of them.so fast,so many people all "talking"at once.bedlam.but that night 6 years ago i went into 50s romance,room1.an "overflow"room,when the main chatroom reached 48 or so,it opened.and that night there were 2 people in it,sue wicke and gem. 2 new friends.who explained about room1.and how there were some nice people used it,and to come back and visit.that was on news year eve.i went in the next night,met swaine,(sue) glen,alas now sadly dead,a nice man,jane,and so many more.over the coming weeks i got to know so many new people,still played poker,but often i was in chatroom.and i want to take this oppurtunity to thank some of you.sue garden,or sue g,any music you want sue could get.lol.sheena,the laughs we have had,been with ade now 3 years i suppose?? purplemist.Lyn,still a lovely friend. i cant play lady in red even now lyn.thanks for being there when i needed you.xxx.the lovely jaynee,bless you hun.so many to list,tanis,or sunbeam as she is known in chatroom,Nina,whose blog got me into the wonderful world of journals,so many more.some lovely.some not so,some down right nasty ones lol. many sadly now gone from AOL.lonewolf,kraftmad,i look at my buddy list and think,yeah,we had some good times.always quizzes,jokes,laughter.many of my best friends on the net came from that chat room.room1. and then one night,4 years ago a dolfin swam in,in those days we all had profiles,mine had 200 or so pictures on it,and this strange person popped in,made some jokes,and left.helen,you have been so much more than just a friend to me.you have been there when i have been at my lowest,when i was diagnosed with MS you helped me. and we still laugh on here nearly every night.thankyou dolfy.you are the best.xx.bernie,sadly we hardly ever talk now,where once we were so close.good friend,and a lovely person. wendy,whose daughter emma's tragic story you know,we have spent many hours chatting. so many names. all my friends. thank you all.
And then. JLAND.nina got me into blogging,she wrote a blog,and i thought i can try that.that story has been told,but........it brought YET MORE friends. yasmin,guido,jan,jeannette,my second mom lucy,herrad,jack,so many more. again,thank you all.
And now facebook has brought even more,yearbook,tagged. names,some faces,some i talk to often,some i hardly know.but i still thank you.you all help me keep going,keep sane.
Being a carer is NOT easy.being a carer with serious health problems much worse.but i manage.because when i log onto AOL,or blogspot,facebook,wherever,i know somewhere i will find one of you good people who will help take my mind off my worries.and i thank you ALL for that.
And now today,7 years down the line. i have someone in my life in the "real world".someone i care a lot for. thankyou for being you.xxxx
So,7 years of AOL.not all good,loss of profiles has meant the drastic decline of chatrooms,facebook etc has taken many more.the loss of Jland,so many people were hurt by that.the loss of our pictures.AOL has been my gateway to the internet for all those weeks,months,years.it brought me all you. my friends online. thankyou,and take care all.

PLEASE NOTE.THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY PEOPLE TO NAME INDIVIDUALLY,BUT YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE.thanks mort xxxx

MS and me.and maybe you.

2010-08-22T16:39:00.000-07:00

MS has been in the news a lot lately,with new treatments being heralded as breakthroughs in the treatment of this evil disease,sativex is an oral spray made from cannabis extract,and is aimed at progressive sufferers like myself.also funding has been announced in the States and Canada in the research of CCSVI,( chronic cerebrospinal venous insufficiency, dear god who thinks these names up.) a condition linked last year by an italian doctor dr.Paolo Zamboni who reported abnormalities in the veins draining the brain and spinal chord in MS sufferers,his ideas have caused widespread debate.also the furious debate about the threat of MS nurses under threat.my own dear lynda is now semi-retired and it looks as though there is a chance she will not be replaced.MS nurses are OUR first line of attack in out treatment of MS,they liaise directly between our consultants,and our GPs,physios,speech therapists,and other help we need.Lynda is much loved by north norfolk MS sufferers.she will be missed by many.
Now,WHY should YOU,dear reader care?yes its very interesting to those of us with MS,but you don't have it.or do you? many people who have MS just NEVER know they have it.some with very vague,faint,symptoms.others it never even causes any concern,and the only time it emerges they had MS is if an autopsy is performed after death. those are the lucky ones,but sometimes it strikes so rapidly. ask wendy,whose lovely daughter emma has been featured in this blog on a number of posts,ask my good friend Herrad,who suffers daily,or her husband and loving carer richie.or my second mom lucy,bless her,whose beloved son alan died.more and more new sufferers are diagnosed daily.100,000 is the new and revised,updated number for MS sufferers in the UK alone,that figure from the MS society,and it is steadily increasing.and every new sufferer needs help.here in north norfolk there is a group,LAMS,which is a lifeline for many.it has been mentioned on this blog,my lovely friend Myra is a volunteer there.it is based mainly in the east of our region,now there is talk of a west branch of LAMS being started up.maybe around Holt area? at the moment it is talk.a lot needs to be looked into.ideas for what people would like are welcomed by roger and his colleagues,so,if you have MS,or are a carer,or you know someone who has it,please.ASK THEM WHAT THEY WOULD LIKE IF IT WAS IN THEIR AREA. what help.amenities,information etc.THEY would like to see in a new MS support group. feel free to comment,or mail,or contact me on facebook,or leave ideas on LAMS facebook site. lastly,why should YOU CARE?? well,i was 55 when i was diagnosed,young children are being diagnosed weekly if not daily.it may be someone you know tomorrow who is diagnosed. it may even be you. and i pray to god it won't be. take care all.

2010-08-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Morton,Congratulations! Anne here, and your blog, Caring and Sharing, wasdetermined to be one of the top resources in the medical field. And so, ithas received our 2010 Top 50 Multiple Sclerosis Blogs award presented byMedical Assistant Schools!You can see your name amongst our winners here at:www.medicalassistantschools.org/top_multiple_sclerosis/#Caring_and_SharingWinners were chosen through a scoring system led by internet nominations,which came from your reader base!You can let your readers know you won by embedding the badge code to one ofthe different awards graphics found at:www.medicalassistantschools.org/top_multiple_sclerosis/badges/.If you choose to accept or decline the award, please let me know.Please do not hesitate to call or email if you have any questions. Manyquestions can be answered atwww.medicalassistantschools.org/top_multiple_sclerosis/about/.Again, Congratulations, and I hope to see your badge soon!Cheers,Anne Holt4252294915medicalassistantschools.org

This was the email i recived earlier today. now i am by nature suspicious,but it looks genuine,i shall accept and see what happens.

STATUS CHANGED.

2010-08-07T09:18:00.000-07:00

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.Dr. Seuss American Writer and Cartoonist, b. 1904-1991.

Thanks to a good friend for sending me that. it's true. Now,many of you who are on Facebook,or My Yearbook,or indeed Tagged,and who are on my friends list,just may have noticed i have changed some of my personal information,mainly the fact i changed from being single,to "in a relationship".indeed bloody facebook faced meltdown when i did lol.over 40 comments.cor,you lot aren't half nosey.so,does this mean mort has a nice lady friend in his life? yes.it does. fairly obvious who it is,her dog featured on my last 2 posts.as did her name. Myra. early days,but we are close friends. thanks for all the kind comments about spice.
Being a carer puts a strain on any relationship,especially when both parties are ill themselves,but she understands how things are. we will see,nobody knows what the future holds for us. oh,yes mum has met her.ladies,PLEASE explain how women can have such long animated conversations about.........clothes?????? on second thoughts dont.lol.and,yes mum likes her. so,status changed. take care all.

"I DIDNT THINK IT COULD HAPPEN AGAIN,I WAS TOO OLD,TOO SET IN MY WAYS, I WAS CONVINCED I WOULD ALWAYS BE LONELY,ALL OF THE REST OF MY DAYS" lyrics to "falling in love again" by the late,sadly missed JOHN DENVER.

SPICE IS HOME

2010-07-15T02:16:00.000-07:00

SHE IS BACK,!!!!! Myra has just rung me.A lady saw Myras poster in the garage near where she was seen,rang Myra at 7.30 to say,"i have just seen your dog.".as she was getting ready to go look for her,phone rang again,another lady,just seen your dog.so she went with a friend where spice had been seen,and some builders collared spice in a nearby field.lol. to say Myra is happy is an understatement.thanks for all your kind comments,both on here and facebook.Myra is deeply touched by all the concern shown. spice is just snoring blissfully at the moment.WOOF.take care all.

SPICE

2010-07-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

Nice dog isn't she??her name is SPICE.and she is a rescued greyhound. she belongs to Myra,a lovely lady i met on the MS course,and who volunteers at the LAMS group.i plucked up the courage to ask her to have coffee with me,and we are good friends now. all i am saying and i don't need comments please. she is a very special.caring lady.and i am proud to know her.

So,why feature her dog on here?well,saturday evening,after what was the hottest day of the year so far here,Myra took spice to felbrigg hall, National Trust Felbrigg Hall, Garden & Park as she does nearly every day.and as normal,she let her off her lead to have a run.just as she did so,some dear soul over the next field fired a 12bore shotgun at pigeons on the field,and spice took off like a bullet.dissapeared into the distance.Myra rang the police and reported her missing,there was a sighting at what is known as the roman camp about 2 or 3 miles away,that was around 8.30 saturday evening,but since then............nothing. Myra has left posters in every village near there,i have posted on facebook,yearbook,missing animal sites,the RSPCA,dog warden,police,everone we can think of has been told. still she is missing.and my friend is hurting.she loves that dog. so,if you who is reading this lives in north norfolk,OR you know of someone who does,or a fellow blog writer who lives here that i dont follow,PLEASE will you help in finding spice by reposting this entry,or sending them a link to it.I hate my friend being sad.like me she suffers from secondary progressive MS,and the stress makes things so much harder.

Also,can i take this oppurtunity to thank all those who have sent mails,messages,and comments on facebook,yearbook,and other sites i have posted spices picture on.so many kind people.lisa our friend from the states on jland offered to repost my status on her site this morning,in case anyone she knows lives in norfolk,or they know someone who lives near felbrigg,or...........and so it goes on. social networking is often villified in the press,facebook is the root of all evil on the net,but this past few days i,and Myra have come to realise just how many lovely caring people there still are on here.the spirit that our old jland was so loved for IS still alive. please will you pray that spice is soon reunited with her loving owner,and that my lovely friend is happy again.thankyou,and take care all.

MemberS welcome.

2010-07-13T15:26:00.000-07:00

i have mentioned before on here that LAMS north norfolk,(life and MS) have a site on facebook, Facebook LAMS North Norfolk,well,welcome to the MS societys east anglia regions addition on facebook as well,Facebook M.S. Society - East Anglia Region PLEASE if you are on facebook,and you have MS,even if you aren't from our "region" have a look,and maybe consider joining.the MS society do a wonderful job,and i urge any sufferer of the damn evil disease to join.£5 a year is little enough.the facebook site has links to LAMS,and to the societies website,but here it is anyway,Multiple Sclerosis Society Website - Welcome to the MS Society - Supp & Servic .and finally,lets not forget 2 more sites that are invaluable,the MS trust is also a very good site for information,MS Trust Providing information for people with MS, their family, friends and should take you there.and just one more,an american site i find very good,with many new and informative articles,MS Views and News. better known as stus views. i know many MS sufferers write blogs,can i PLEASE ask any of you who do,or if you know of any blogger who suffers,to please come and join LAMS and the MS society. help fight MS,ON OUR OWN WE CANNOT WIN,TOGETHER WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER.sometimes helping someone else helps you as well. thanks,take care all.

LEST WE FORGET

2010-07-07T12:52:00.000-07:00

IN MEMORY OF THOSE KILLED AND INJURED IN A COWARDLY TERRORIST ATTACK ON THE 7TH DAY OF THE 7TH MONTH 2005.AND STILL THE KILLINGS GO ON,STILL TROOPS ARE BEING REPATRIATED IN BODY BAGS.STILL HATRED IN MENS HEARTS AND MINDS. may one day very soon common sense and peace prevail. take care all

A HAPPY 4TH OF JULY TO ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS

2010-07-03T15:10:00.000-07:00

WISHING ALL MY AMERICAN READERS AND FRIENDS A VERY HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY.GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. LET US ALL PRAY THAT ALL THE TROOPS FROM BOTH USA,AND THE UK,KEEP SAFE. and that peace will prevail.take care all.

GARDEN PICS,2010

2010-06-11T02:29:00.000-07:00

the boarder under mums window,busy lizzies,verbena and geraniums

these double petunias were a bargain.

baskets this year are a mix of petunias,double petunias,and fuschias.

yep,they came back.lol.but this year they are still coming as this was taken yesterday.i really need to clean pond,but cant til they leave.bless.

these were picked yesterday, pink champagne peonies and the red roses, from a bush that was here when we moved 18 years ago,and it was old then.the smell of the roses are wonderful.

So,just a few pics to brighten the gloom,the weather is awful,i had to get out of bed at 3am and close my bloody bedroom window,it was perishing,north gale blowing,we had a sea mist yesterday and today there is a fine drizzle,and its cold. have a good time in your own gardens whatever this british summer throws at us. take care all.

A NEW BEGINNING,

2010-06-07T14:52:00.000-07:00

Martin,janes husband has started his own blog.Life After Jane: It's been a week. is his first entry as a blogger in his own right.let us all welcome Martin to the wonderful world of Jland. can i just say thanks to everyone who has commented on my last 2 posts,those 2 entries were for jane,because she was my friend. they werent so much for her benefit,but for mine.I had to get rid of the grief i felt.not just for Jane.life has been a bit of a downer lately.
now,the last 2 sessions of my MS group were a success,all enjoyed them.and today i visited LAMS,the life and MS group held in north norfolk. many thanks to roger,laraine and everyone there for making me welcome. and Myra. special thanks to her,for being a great person.i enjoyed it.will i go again?possibly in a few weeks yes. some may say that it can be distressing seeing MS sufferers who are worse than myself,but it really isnt like that.everyone,whatever their problems had a good time.
as i have said,i have had health problems,i am still waiting for the results of the ultrasound scan on heart,and what they want to do.MS plays its nasty little games,my voice goes,swallowing very bad at times. but this blog is back to normal. my thanks to all my readers for sticking with me,let us hope summer wasn't really those 2 nice days last week,lol. take care all.

MEMORIES.

2010-06-05T15:42:00.000-07:00

Martin has posted on janes blog,A journey of another kind....: And Finally Her funeral is to be held on the 11th of June.Martin writes of his grief and thanks us for our comments.Please will you visit and leave a last comment for this wonderful lady.I am sure Guido will put a message on Call for Support but this is for Jane. Someone asked me,well meaningly,why her death has upset me so.after all,she died of cancer,not MS like dear Emma,her death was expected,and had been for some time.so why?the answer is in the title of this entry.MEMORIES.jane has always been my heroine on here,i have often commented i was in awe of her,of her courage,her bravery.but there are so many others on here that are as ill,dying,have died.but jane has been a part of my blogging,since i first saw her journal all that time ago.the old Jland we all love and miss.my blog in those days was indeed of caring for mum,of me sharing that with you.then MS was confirmed,and lately it seems to have taken over.as it has my life.the heart attack,back trouble,ill health.all have taken their toll. but Jane was still here.she was fighting her vile disease,so would i.now she has gone. i miss her.but she will be remembered,by me,by many.
i have,as do we all, memories of a happier life,of when i was fit and well.when mum was able to get about without a frame or wheelchair,of having a job i loved,a girlfriend i loved.memories. life deals us blows,people we love change,mothers we thought were invincible grow old,and get frail and forgetful,and scared.and we ourselves get diseases we cant control. and we get scared too.but we still have our memories.and i suppose i mourn the passing of those memories,as i mourn the passing of Jane.another friend lost,no more words of encouagement to cheer me when i am down,in pain.i may need further heart surgery,i am getting angina bad.the MS seems to be getting worse. the pain management consultant has told me he cannot help with the crushed disc,it is too risky an operation to have.so memories sometimes are all we have left to keep us going. and in memory of Jane,i am going to do my best to keep on caring and sharing for some time yet to come.
I wish Martin peace,and joy in his memories of his beloved JANE.
As i wish to all who are in pain,alone,scared,that every one of us find peace and joy in our own MEMORIES. take care all,thanks for being my friends. MORT.

IN MEMORY OF THE BRAVEST LADY I HAVE EVER KNOWN

2010-05-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

IN MEMORY OF JANE CATHERINE THOMPSON,18th JAN 1959-30th MAY 2010.

I am in tears as i write this,Jland has lost another of our friends,this time the brave Jane,who finally succumbed to kidney cancer today. A journey of another kind.... was her story. A story of courage,of hope,of fighting against the awful disease she had,and of her fight for funding for Sutent,the drug that gave her,and her beloved husband Martin and family,the extra time they had together.I first came across her journal 2 or more years ago,i saw her link on Pams blog,and clicked it.and sat here in awe.This lovely lady was dying. she had been given maybe 6 months to live,but her journal wasn't self pitying,it was one of hope,of good humour,of her love for her family.There was no "WHY ME LORD?",rather it was more,"well,why not me lord?",yes she has had her bad days,days of despair,but she has made me laugh as much as she has made me cry.She has written of her holidays and cruise,she had a film made about her,about her fight for funding for the drug that had given her that precious extra time to do all those things she wanted to do with Martin and the children.She was featured in YOURS magazine,and i think it is the first time i have ever read it before my mother had even looked at it,lol.And apart from all these things,the one thing that made me come to treasure Jane,to call her my friend was something special.SHE WORRIED ABOUT ME.she has commented on my posts,semt me mails,and always she cared about how I was,how I was feeling,how low I was.how mum was.SHE WAS DYING FROM CANCER.yet she cared about me.as she did about so many more.because she was our Jane.Lately her news has become grimmer and sadder as the cancer spread,and we who have followed her story knew the end was approaching,as did she,but even then she has made me smile with her sense of humour.

Sadly this morning she lost her fight,Jland has lost another friend, Blogspot another blogger,and i have lost someone who has helped me more than she ever knew.It was her journal i used to read when my MS was making me want to give this journal up,when i was feeling self pitying,when the world was against me,it was her journal i read.AND IT MADE ME REALISE I HAD NO RIGHT TO FEEL SELF PITY.Not if Jane could carry on,if she could fight,so could i.

To those of you reading this on Blogspot,or perhaps on Facebook,if you feel that your life is bad,that your illness,personal circumtances,money worries,whatever,make life not worth living,read Janes journal.I defy anyone to not be touched and uplifted by it.JANE IT WAS MY PLEASURE TO ONCE GIVE YOU AN AWARD FOR YOUR BLOG.I NOW DEDICATE THIS,MY PERSONAL TRIBUTE TO YOU,THE BRAVEST,NICEST,LOVELIEST PERSON I HAVE EVER KNOWN, and i am still crying. take care all.

LAMS,MS course,and catch up.ive been away too long.

2010-04-25T15:10:00.000-07:00

hi all,sorry i havent posted lately,but i just cant seem to get organised these days. first,i was saddened by the death of bobrobert,my deepest sympathies to steve. The Wheel of Fortuna is a blog i sometimes read,and i gave the MS award to.sadly MS has claimed another life. "complications caused by MS" is still "killed by MS" in my book.and i am so sorry steve.
On a more positive note,meet LAMS.life and MS. the north norfolk branch has its own little site on facebook,its a group run by MS sufferers FOR MS sufferers.any of my readers who are on facebook,Facebook LAMS North Norfolk please drop by and say hi.the group meet on a monday,which at the moment means i cant attend their meetings,so Roger kindly invited me to visit their website,and i joined the "virtual LAMS",lol. i met Roger and the charming Moyra from the group at the MS course i have been attending. i am going to try and swap a "day off" over one week soon so i can go along and meet everyone there. it seems a great group of people.
the course has been interesting,this friday coming is the last,and i shall be sorry when its over.first week we had my MS nurse Linda giving a talk on what her role as an MS nurse is,etc.then after coffee,healthy eating with the dietician for north norfolk. ( as i write this i'm munching on a deep pan meat feast pizza,enough said lol). second week we had a senior physiotherapist explaining just what MS is,what it does,the symptoms,etc.and in the second half "staying active and keeping well" a very informative talk. settles more comfy into chair.( typing hard work) then this last one should have been continence and relationship issues but the speaker had to pull out at the last minute.( zoe,stop sniggering,i know you are.) instead we had teresa who is from the MS Society and who is running these courses,give us a talk on the role of the society,and the work it does. Multiple Sclerosis Society Website - Welcome to the MS Society - Supp & Servic for anyone interested. please consider joining.i think its still £5 a year,which is little enough to pay.details on their website.then Moyra gave a great talk on her MS,how it started,her symptoms,etc.personally i thought she did great, and for the second half, complementary therapies. Now,i am very open minded.i know acupuncture works for many people with different problems,it helped a friend with pain.reflexology,massage,great. and i was looking forward to discovering something that may help to alleviate some of the symptoms. instead of which,we got a sales pitch frankly.the "therapist" spent the whole hour telling us how wonderful she was,how great her indian head massages were,how ear candling would help our ear wax melt (i lost the will to live somewhere round that point) how she was a reiki master,and how we could all make money,(a "business oppurtunity to make some money"!!) by selling the range of diet shakes,overpriced skin care gunk,etc. she was trying to sell at the end.NOT ONCE did she tell us what benefit an MS sufferer could expect from any of these therapies,or indeed that massage is liable to increase fatigue in MS unless its a stimulating massage,( zoe,go and leave the classroom now,lolol) all in all,she was bloody useless.and i am telling teresa exactly what i think this next time.this last session is benefits and employment issues,someone from the CAB is coming to talk.( citizens advice bureau, for my american friends) and finally the speech and language specialist. something i am particularly interested in,as my swallowing and speech are both deteriorating. it has been very good,most informative,apart as i said the alternative therapies,its a small group,only around 8 or 9 attending.2 only just diagnosed.and maybe for 1 in particular,a bit too much information for them to want to know.thanks to Moyra and Roger for inviting me to LAMS,i shall come and see you soon.
mum has had such bad feet,finally the bunion healed,although another 2 toes on her other foot had some strange little sores,gout is suspected.sam the practise nurse,dressed them,and told us to see the chiropodist to see if he could help with anything to take the pressure off that bunion,so i made an appointment.all i can say is,the man is an idiot.his idea was to use a felt on it,which was sticky backed,then wrap it in a dressing,same for the other foot.poor mum could hardly get her feet into the loose fitting slippers she was luckily wearing. suffice it to say,the next morning she was in agony,far too much padding,so tight it had her in tears. took the whole lot off,used antiseptic cream,and a thin dressing. sam was horrified.that bunion was RED when i removed his handiwork,another day or 2 and i am sure it would have split again.not impressed.she should go back this week and see him again.she isn't. we are going to pay a visiting chiropodist i have been reccommended. think it will be money well spent. Now,i haven't been feeling too good. so last wednesday i went and saw the new lady dr.dr.B,as i knew i had yet another chest infection,sure enough i have,on antibiotics,yet again. the fact oil seed rape is now in flower isn't helping matters either.i loathe the damn stuff,fields of acid yellow flowers i can smell miles away. so that was ok,BUT, i also had to tell her about the pains i am getting in my left arm. angina.which seems sometimes to be worse than it was. she was concerned to hear this,so took my blood pressure,listened to heart,and got the nurse to give me an ECG. which looks normal im glad to say,she wanted me to go to the cardiac walk in clinic the next day,to have them check me over,but when she rang them,she was told because i am still under my cardiologist,they couldn't see me.and put her through to jo,my cardiac nurse. she was also worried,so went and told Dr.E who had done my stents.he said he would look through my notes and get back to dr.B. so,i came home.2.30 she rang me.he had rung her.and has decided that perhaps its those 2 thin arteries he was unable to get to before,and as he couldn't do it with an angiogram,he is now going to do some cardiac pressure stress testing???? sounds like fun. anyway,i am on his waiting list for it.the Dr is seeing me this wed.just to check my blood pressure etc.again. i am glad i saw her.i know there is something not right.not enough to get me that worried i would ring 999,but discomfort.
the last few days have been nice,the pots and baskets in the greenhouse are growing well,many in flower.if it keeps like this i shall be putting them out in 2 weeks. having said that we had one hell of a frost last week,it dropped to minus3 celsius.which is bloody cold for late april here. that didnt help,and i am going to buy more tomato plants as i am sure the 6 i had in pots in greenhouse,small plants,have been frosted. got that blue colour that means they copped it.the garden is colourful,and growing away.
i havent read many blogs lately,due to worry over mum,my MS accelerating, feeling tired, and i am sorry to those who i seldom visit,but i do try and pop in and catch up with you all.hope everyone has a good week,soon be may,take care all.
one last thing,thanks to sugar for allowing anyone who wishes to use it, my MS tag i used as an award.so,LAMS please feel free if anyone would like it. thanks to all my readers for lovely comments,and to my american mom lucy,who is a bit poorly herself.you take care my dear friend.and to the rest of you,i wish you peace and pain free days,mort x

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE

2010-04-02T03:58:00.001-07:00

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A PEACEFUL AND HAPPY EASTER.ENJOY YOUR BREAK,and dont eat too many choccy eggs.lol.the weather here is awful,bitterly cold wind blowing.got over 400 plug plants i have bought for baskets and containers in greenhouse,and its just too cold for them.having to cover them every night in case it freezes.lost a tray of lobelia because they got frosted. the garden lookin nice,but the daffs are going over so fast.i shall be posting to other journal in next few days.just say that mum is slowly recovering.her toe healed at last,took her to see nurse last week,dressing off but the bunion is still very sore and swollen from gout,and we are worried it may split again.made appointment for chiropodist in 2 weeks time.

i have a course over the next 4 friday afternoons on living with MS.its being held in north norfolk for the first time.MS society hosting it,and my lovely MS nurse linda rung and asked me to attend. looking forward to it,different experts every week.congatulations to LYNDA HINDS,MS nurse for north norfolk in receiving a lifetime achievement award from the MS society.well deserved lynda.not just because we went to school together lol.

hope everyone is well,sorry but i am not reading blogs so often,had lot on mind.thanks to herrad for the beautiful blogger award, and please will anyone who would like it help themselves.assume if you are reading this that you deserve it.take care all.

im one of heinz varieties,lol

2010-03-08T17:02:00.000-08:00

and just in case you are thinking,morts finally cracked under the strain,heinz 57 varieties,or,ITS MY 57TH BIRTHDAY. thanks to all my friends for their kind comments on facebook and yearbook,as i just told a lovely friend,age is just a number.shame the damn number is getting so big lol.
mum still is in a lot of pain,that toe will not heal,and her legs have got so weak,arthritis and not being used.the OT did come out and gave her exercises to do each day which help a bit.
hope everyone is keeping well,i will get round to reading your blogs soon.take care all.

THANKS TO OLIVE FOR THIS.

2010-02-25T12:21:00.000-08:00

THIS HAS BEEN DOING THE ROUNDS FOR A WHILE.I THINK IT NEEDS TO BE READ BY EVERY CARER,EVERY NURSE,ANYONE WHO CARES FOR AN ELDERLY PARENT.
It made me cry.because sometimes i forget.

Sometimes we all need to be reminded that there are others out there who need a listener.

CRABBY OLD MAN

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte , Nebraska , it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Missouri .

The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses?. . . .. . What do you see?
What are you thinking . .. ……. When you're looking at me?
A crabby old man . . . . . Not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . With faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . . . . . And makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . . .. The things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . . Lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . ..The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . .. You're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am. . . . .. . As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . . As I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . . . . . With a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . ……..Who love one another.

A young boy of Sixteen . . . . …With wings on his feet.
Dreaming that soon now . . . . . A lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . . . My heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows . . .. . . That I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . ……I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . . …. And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . . . . …………My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . …….With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons . . . . . Have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . To see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, ………….babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . .My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me . . . . ….My wife is now dead.
I look at the future . . . ………. Shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing . . Young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . . . And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . …… . And nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age . . . … Look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles . . . . … Grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . .. ……. Where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . . A young guy still dwells,
And now and again . . . . …… My battered heart swells.
I remember the joys . . . . . …...I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . Life over again.

I think of the years, all too few ... Gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . .. . . …That nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people . . . . . Open and see.
Not a crabby old man . . . Look closer . . . See ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet
an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within.

We will all, one day, be there, too!

PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM

The best and most beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched.

They must be felt by the heart.

AND SOMETIMES IT GETS FORGOTTEN THAT THAT OLD MAN OR WOMAN SITTING IN THEIR CHAIR,PERHAPS SCARED AND BEWILDERED WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THEM,WERE ONCE YOUNG.WERE ONCE ACTIVE. take care all.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

2010-02-12T16:29:00.001-08:00

I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A LOVELY VALENTINES WEEKEND. IT IS NOT JUST FOR LOVERS,IT'S ALSO TO LET YOUR FRIENDS KNOW THAT YOU CARE FOR THEM.

Mum is still in bed,nurse has been today and redressed it,slowly looking better,antibiotics are starting to work.she did come through yesterday,started to walk,or rather hobble,through into lounge,but her knee locked solid.the arthritis is really bad in it,and as it has not been used,it has got stiff,so i wheled her through in wheelchair. i have felt absolutely awful ever since coming out of hospital last week,my wrist had a massive bruise and i have ached all over.think i caught a bug,as i have really had no energy,which is why the private blog is still unfinished.i will get it done in the next few days,only just starting to feel human again,lol.take care all.

news of a dear friend

2010-02-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

pamal3 of Almost 40! wants all her friends to know she has had the operation,and is now at home. being pampered by husband and daughter. has got large scar on her neck with 7 staples in,which she should have removed next week.hope all goes well my friend,and we look forward to your return to blog.
Mums toe is in a hell of a mess.nurse came again tuesday and redressed it,no problem.mum has been feeling better,yesterday i nipped out to do the shopping and another nurse came.didnt have the usual dressing the other put on so used a padded smaller one.i have just had to change it myself,as it had been bleeding,it was far too tight and the iodine soaked gauze they use on it first had dried out.chafing. looks to me like an abcess now. poor mum. i hate her to be in pain. the new blog has now got a name,all will be revealed soon. those interested will be contacted by mail.
i went and had the angio on heart done tuesday,worried about leaving mum but after cancelling twice before i had no choice,tracey came back mid morning,(i went at 10am ) and carol sat with her all afternoon. another friend brian got her tea so she had plenty of company.
frankly it was a complete fiasco. i got in hospital at 11.10,went up to ward,saw staff nurse,no bed at moment for you,but wait in day room,soon be one. another chap waiting in there,my age maybe bit older.also has secondary progressive MS,was in for a pacemaker to be fitted,and frankly,in a hell of a lot more pain with his MS than i am. and it brought home how fast one can go downhill with the damn disease.we sat and chatted,it got to 12.30,neither of us had been offered a drink,no lunch,no tea,no water to take tablets with.we finally had to go and ask for a jug and 2 glasses.he went off at 2 while i sat and waited,eventually a nurse came and put a wristbad on,filledd the normal forms in,explained that the bed i should have had was occupied due to the previous patient,in for same angio,wouldnt stop bleeding.at 3.15 the angio porters suddenly went past,saw me,came in,said morton??? we have been looking everywhere for you.!!!!!! they wheeled me down to angio suite on a wheelchair,much swearing as well,lol.i got changed into gown and paper pants in the waiting area,least a bed was there.my back was crippling me,i had been sitting for 4 hours.as no canula had been fitted,which it should have,and as the registrar was only going to look and check to make sure stents in place and all ok.i was asked if i would be ok,if i didnt need a sedative canula wasnt needed.i didnt thanks.in i went,laid down,connected up,and off we went angio number 5. GOOD NEWS. all seems ok.arteries look pretty clear,angina may be being caused by 2 minor arteries,and tablets will help that.so no stent.back onto ward,told i could go home if bleeding had stopped at 7.after a vile meal of gristle and potato pie (well it wasnt meat lol) i FINALLY got a coffee.the first damn drink i had had apart from some luke warm water earlier. the first time she took air out of the plastic pressure bandage it bled.everywhere. but at 6.30 she finally removed it,and put a dressing on. i was allowed to leave at 7.straight to hospital shop to get sandwich and drink,lol. brian came and got me and i was indoors by 9. mum very glad to see me.me very glad to see comfy chair and later my bed. that is the worse i have ever been treated.the nurses were just rushed off their feet. no excuse to forget where a patient was,or to forget to take him water.not good.at least i know heart seems to be in good shape,and i wont have to have any more work done on it.take care all.ty for all the messages on facebook and mails.

what a MeSs

2010-01-29T15:40:00.000-08:00

i went to cromer hospital to see dr.C.the MS consultant.running dead ontime too i may add,awful wet and dreary day.lucky to get a space just outside main building.i went in and found linda my MS nurse.dr.C asked how i felt i was from last year,and told him around 25% worse.my swallowing now can be very awkward,etc.now linda had already told me he is the kind of dr.you either love or hate.direct is being polite.he looked at me and said,well morton,i am afraid your MS is going as i expect it too,as the nerve sheath is worn away,you will experience more problems,however because of your age i don't expect it to turn primary. like i was too old to have MS according to last neurologist??poor linda was making OMG faces at me as he was speaking lol.anyway,we shook hands as i left,i shall see him a year from now,i am increasing baclofen to another 1 a day,make appointment to see speech therapist about swallowing,etc.linda walked out with me and whispered i told you so,lol.are you ok mort?yeah,actually i am.i am not completley daft,i know well enough what can and may happen.one day at a time.i arent at that stage yet.
monday i had to be in norwich at hospital by 10.30,and was there at 10.plenty of time.........except.I WAS AT THE WRONG DAMN HOSPITAL i assumed it was my normal hospital.i was at the norfolk and norwich.actually i should have been at what was the old west norwich,now norwich community hospital.it didnt help the first idiot i asked where pain management was,sent me right round side to oncology.luckily i showed the nice receptionist the letter.so i had to ring them,lie through my teeth i waqs stuck in traffic and made my back to where i should be.half hour late.dr.was ok about it,he had seen another patient in front of me,he showed me the scan on my back,and discussed what we could do about it.basically...............until i am finished with the blood thinning tablets i am on for heart in november not a lot.putting me back on gabapentin,a drug i first was on to help with pain before the MS was diagnosed.it may help to dull the nerve pains i am getting from the prolapsed disc.later i may need injections into spine but frankly he thinks i am unlikely to be allowed surgery because of heart.what a day monday was.i didnt get home til gone 1,mum is still in bed.i rang dr.again tuesday as the pain was so bad,he came out and gave her colchicise tablets,a powerful remedy for pain relief of gout,quite dangerous and she only has 12.did seem to help.but last night things took a turn for the worse,as she got out of bed to use commode last thing,her bunion,which she has had for years,and which had swelled even larger due to the gout.........split wide open.blood everywhere,on carpet,sheets,poor mum.luckily i had a dressing from last time she had trouble,and quickly applied it,wrapped it well,and the bleeding stopped. rang surgery,and district nurse came out this afternoon,washed and re did it for mum.funnily enough she said as it burst the pain has eased a lot.still very bad,but i think she had an infection in that toe.please god she is on the mend.
now,back to social services. a very nice lady came to see me yesterday.(MPs office has beeen in touch by the way,i am writing a full report and mailing it to them next week.) she told me because i had rung again saying it was urgent i had gone from pending to the top of a very long list.anyway,we discussed mum,me,my MS,heart.she was astounded and very annoyed i had had my half hour morning call reduced to 15 minutes,agreed mum needed a further call in the evening,and is going to see what she can do. there is a provision now for direct payments,so i can hire a dedicated carer/carers to help.something to think about, a very useful meeting.
now due to various reasons,i am going to write more about this,and mums care,in the future.but in another blog. a private one,please mail me at mortonlake@aol.com giving your email addresses if you wish to be a reader. the reason for this will be revealed on that blog.wont happen for day or 2. think of it as the black journal you can read,lol.
thanks for all the get well wishes to mum,and for me. take care all. as i write this it has been snowing again,wind frost,bitterly cold. roll on spring.

coincidence or not.

2010-01-21T15:49:00.000-08:00

If i was of a nasty suspicious nature,which of course i am not,much,i would be rather cynical about the phone call i had this afternoon at 3.45. hello,mr.lake? this is V from social services,i understand you enquired about having a carers asseessment? i did yes, well,i am not the carers assessor,i do all the assessments for care needs.but i will be happy to come and see you next week,thursday at 10.30 be ok??oh yes;lol. now,i have had no word from MPs office,they did say they were so short staffed due to illness,but its rather a co-incidence that after i had rung MP social suddenly found this assessor. must have been just lying around the office doing nothing.lol.anyway,she is coming to see me,so hopefully i can get a care plan sorted for mum if i do need to be in hospital or away for any length of time.taken 4 months,4 phone calls,2 letters so far.we will see.
Mum continues to have the most awful pain in her feet due to the gout,and has been in bed all day again today.most unlike her.i have to go to cromer hospital tomorrow afternoon to see dr.C my MS consultant,i hope she will be ok on her own until i get home.think i can get brrian to call in.hope so. on monday i have to be at norwich by 9.30 for pain management clinic for back,tracey is going to come back mid morning,i shouldnt be too late.hope the tablets will have helped ease her pain by then.
I am tired,i ache,and my MS has gone ballistic.interesting little side effects,poor balance i notice,hands dead,blurry vision.always the same when i am tired and worried.and angina not helping.but we carry on.take care all.mort and thanks for all the kind comments and advice.

return of the gout

2010-01-20T15:48:00.000-08:00

for a change no trying to be witty for a heading.mainly because i havent had a lot to smile about lately.after going down with the bug i felt awful,but it didnt last long thank goodness.next day i was feeling better.i have heard from hospital,and go in feb.2nd.same time.
on friday i was going to take mum to fakenham shopping,but just as she was getting ready she came over dizzy,and felt ill.making sure she had everything she needed to hand i nipped off and did the shop alone.she seemed ok.saturday she was fine,sunday i cooked a lovely roast chicken,mum went to bed,and all was well.until...............2.00am i heard her crying.she had come up in huge hives,blisters almost.rubbed some E45 on and she tryed to sleep.bad night for both of us.i was worried when i saw her feet the next morning.the gout had returned with a vengeance.and her poor hands,the fingers looked like sausages,so swollen were they.i decided to ring the doctors,and explained what was wrong,dr.M soon came out.he thought she had had an allergic reaction to something she had eaten,and it had also seemed to trigger the gout. he decided she should go on a tablet for the gout,and i went and got these for her at 4.
that was monday.its now wednesday and she has been in bed all the while,her feet are so painful she cant walk even a step.thank goodness for the commode.i just get it as close to bed as it will go.at least the itching has stopped,and i think the swelling in joints slowly going down.i hope so,as it is awful to see her in so much pain.
now back in september i asked for a carers assessment,i really do need more help looking after mum now,i am not well,there is a good chance i will have to go in to hospital,maybe for some time,so asked for assessment so a care plan ccould be put in place. september 18th. i had the forms i sent returned,with a note that the assessment officer would be in touch. not a word have i heard,so on the 9th december i rang.asked to speak to the man who had signed the letter in september,only to be told they had never heard of him.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it transpired he had moved to fakenham office,but it does say much about adult social services in norfolk.anyway,i rang the number they gave me,spoke to him,explained i was not well,heart and MS etc.he promised the officer would ring me "in a day or 2".again,not a word,so today i rung,yet again.oh,he said,there is only one assessment officer at the moment and hse is so busy,i will tell her you rang and.............whoaaaa sonny.i calmly explained there was every chance i may need surgery soon,and a care plan MUST be in place as soon as possible.he said,well i will tell her it is an emergency,she will ring you later. did she??no.so,i have rung my local MPs office,thats member of parliament for my american friends,and his secretary will be in touch in day or so.and the lady i spoke to was horrified.as it is a general election year,somehow i think my MP will gleefully take on my case.and my local paper has been doing a series called "WE CARE" about carers day to day lives. i think,social services does NOT care may make them a good story.
it is time i got nasty.i am worn out,i feel ill,the MS has been so bad all winter,my hands are completely dead,i have fell down 3 times,and with all the worry about heart and back i have had enough.i need help,and i am not getting it.i can no longer rely on neighbours to help me when i am in hospital,tracey only comes back 1 morning a week,so on the tuesday i go in she will come and make mum a cup of tea,i am going to ask carol to swap days if she can so she will be with mum in the afternoon,but a plan needs to be in place if i do go in for longer.we will see what happens.i shall keep you informed.take care all,keep warm and well.

thhink this says it all.thanks to christine for sending me it

2010-01-14T08:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Lord, Every single evening As I'm lying here in bed, This tiny little Prayer Keeps running through my head:
God bless all my family Wherever they may be, Keep them warm And safe from harm For they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing I wish that you could do; Hope you don't mind me asking, Please bless my computer too.
Now I know that it's unusual To Bless a motherboard, But listen just a second While I explain it to you, Lord..

You see, that little metal box Holds more than odds and ends; Inside those small compartments Rest so many of my friends.
I know so much about them By the kindness that they give, And this little scrap of metal Takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them Much the same as you.
We share in what life brings us And from that our friendships grew.

Please take an extra minute From your duties up above,
To bless those in my address book That's filled with so much love.

Wherever else this prayer may reach To each and every friend,
Bless each e-mail inbox And each person who hits 'send'

. When you update your Heavenly list On your own Great CD-ROM,
Bless everyone who says this prayer Sent up to GOD.Com Amen

GOD BLESS ALL MY ONLINE FRIENDS.thanks for all your kindness and comments,tc all.

HOME SICK

2010-01-12T03:07:00.000-08:00

i cant win. i got up this morning at 5,made a cuppa,sat here and read mails,sorted everything out,made some toast,felt bit queasy,worry about hospital ?hmmm,took mum tablets, all ok,apart from feeling a bit ill.tracey came and went,mum having breakfast,and it hit. oh dear god. i shall spare you the details. explosive diarrhoea. i had a shower,had to go to shop to get mums pension,and as i stood in there,with a scarf over face,just in case it was something nasty and not just a one off,i knew i was soon going to be sick,just made it home.violently sick.and well,going to draw a veil over the rest.suffice it to say i have this damn novovirus going around,my hospital has actually cancellled all visitors,so when i rang admissions,yet again having to cancel for the second time,the cardiac nurse i spoke to said,i had it last year,awful,thanks for keeping away.it will be rescheduled as soon as possible.rang pam,sent txt to tracey who was coming back mid morning,and will cancel the rest of week later,rang carol,mum rang chris,painted UNCLEAN KEEP OUT on front door,ok last bit not true,lol. i can honestly say ive never been so ill in all my life.where i caught it i have no idea.but its made me feel awful,and.........just been ill writing this.oh well,better luck next time. take care all,thanks for your lovely messages,i shall keep them for when i do go.lol. keep warm,safe and well,mort.

hospital time

2010-01-11T15:31:00.000-08:00

i go into hospital tomorrow,tuesday,got to be in by 11,30,pam picking me up at 10.over an hours drive.i am having another angiogram.this was scheduled,but at the assessment 3 weeks ago i told the cardiac nurse ive had pains in my left arm, i had changed the beds that monday.and i had felt ILL. i was so close to dialling 999 and calling for ambulance. when she heard this she had an ECG and blood tests done immediately.ECG was similar to the last,just a slight blip on the chart,which may mean i had a very slight heart attack.or the stent may have moved.i should have gone in last week,but weather has been so awful,and pam had such a bad cold i darent risk it.i have a 35 mile drive,at least 15 of which are on untreated roads. and we had to be there at 7.30.so instead i go in tomorrow,but i am having to keep in overnight.i think dr will put another stent in if needed.there and then. however if damage has been done,or arteries are worse it will mean major bypass surgery at papworth hospital. mum will have company most of tomorrow,tracey coming back,carol in afternoon,chris in mporning,brian night.ive made a shepherds pie for there tea,so she should be ok.hope to be home wednesday sometime.thanks to guido for putting it on call for support. Jland still lives.thanks for all the messages on facebook.i will let you know how it goes.lucy,stop worrying,dont nag,im ok.lol. take care all.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MUM

2010-01-03T02:51:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM.89 TODAY. BORN 3 JAN.1921. AND HAS BEEN THE BEST IN THE WORLD TO ME. and now i care for her. what goes around,comes around. its a pleasure and an honour to care for her.just wish i could take away the pain and confusion she suffers.but thats beyond all the love in the world. take care all,mort xxxx

A PRAYER FOR THE NEW YEAR

2009-12-31T15:51:00.000-08:00

Prayer for the New Year'

Grant me the strength from day to day,
To bear what burdens come my way
.Grant me throughout this bright New Year
More to endure and less to fear
.Help me live that I may be
From spite and petty malice free.

Let me not bitterly complain
When cherished hopes of mine prove vain,
Or spoil with deeds of hate and rage
Some fair tomorrow's spotless page.
Lord, as the days shall come and go
In courage let me stronger grow.

Lord, as the New Year dawns today
Help me to put my faults away.
Let me be big in little things;
Grant me the joy which friendship brings.
Keep me from selfishness and spite;
Let me be wise in what is right

.A happy New Year! Grant that I

May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I've played the friend,
Have lived and loved for others here

,And made of it a happy year.

grateful thanks to sybil for this lovely prayer.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FRIENDS ON BLOGSPOT,AOL,FACEBOOK,TAGGED,YEARBOOK,MYSPACE.
I HOPE 2010 IS A GOOD ONE FOR US ALL..
AND THAT THERE MAY BE PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING THROUGHOUT THE WORLD.
take care all,thanks for being my friends. mort

A NEW AWARD.

2009-12-30T07:11:00.000-08:00

MANY GRATEFUL THANKS TO SUGAR,FOR THIS GREAT TAG.I ASKED HER IF SHE COULD MAKE ME ONE FOR MS AWARENESS.I THINK SHE DID MORE THAN I EXPEECTED OR HOPED FOR.BLESS YOU SUGAR.

SUGAR'S OTHER PLACE is where you will find tags of such quality and design,it frankly makes me jealous,lol. so,why did i want it?? well,there are so many people whos lives have been devastated by MS,i wanted a tag that was cheerful,to show hope of one day finding a cure,a message that people with the disease are NOT alone,and for those who have lost loved ones like lucy and wendy,to know that their loved ones are not forgotten.

I AM MAKING THIS INTO AN AWARD FOR THOSE BLOGS,AND PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED TO BRING AWARENESS OF MS. AND WHOSE LIVES HAVE BEEN DEVASTATED BY THE BLOODY EVIL DISEASE.

WILL THOSE PICKED PLEASE PASS IT ON TO WHOEVER THEY THINK DESERVE IT,hasn't got to be someone with MS,the choice is yours.

firstly lucy,What is left of a whole new life,whose beloved son alan died from complications caused by MS.my american mom.lol.bless you lucy for worrying about me.

herrad,Access denied-living with multiple sclerosis, fighting the fight.keep in their girl.pass it to richie from me .

The Wheel of Fortuna is a blog i seldom read,but i know many of you do,and from the entries ive read,is a worthy recipient.

Tales of Life with Multiple Sclerosis, amelia.trying to come to terms with what having MS means.and the effect it has on ordinary peoples lives.still manages to live her life to the full even if she does overdo it.lol.oh yes you do amelia.lol

lastly jeannette doesn't have MS,but has had cancer and many health problems.and who has constantly been there for me commenting when ive posted,and whose blog is one of the best ive read. Outside - Looking In thankyou jeannette.

PLEASE PASS THE AWARD ON,FEEL FREE TO SNAG THE TAG,SUGAR MADE IT FOR US ALL.

WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY,AND PEACEFUL 2010. tc all.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS

2009-12-24T16:00:00.000-08:00

WISHING ALL MY JOURNAL FRIENDS,ESPECIALLY LUCY,MY SECOND MOM,A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS,AND MAY 2010 BE GOOD FOR US ALL. thankyou all,for the lovely comments left,your kindness,and encouragement.weather has been awful,over 8 inches of snow which has been lying around for a week,roads have been lethal.so bad i cancelled the pain management clinic at hospital for back.no way was i going 35 miles,15 of which on untreated B roads.i hope everyone has a lovely,peaceful and happy christmas.let us remember our troops,both in iraq and afghanistan,from here in the UK,and from USA and other countries.take care all.mort.

christmas lights 2009

2009-12-15T13:01:00.001-08:00

only a small tree indoors.no room lol

mums bedroom window

along the front boarder.

santa on a swing is now 8 years old lol.

mainly rope lights this year.all multi function.the santa to the right is under a balloon.its actually like an umbrella.and nearly takes my fingers off every time.

the snowflakes are static cling,peel off after and keep.4 years old now.lol

the door wreath.and YES i did make it myself. did discover that very prickly holly,and blood thinning drugs do NOT mix. well,as promised these are a few of this years photos,im quite pleased how they look.feeling a bit better today,cough receding at last.take care all.

coughs and sneezes..........

2009-12-14T15:27:00.000-08:00

spread diseases.in mine and mums cases,colds and for me a bad cough,and now chest infection.and why?all because a daft idiot on a neighbour," just popped in to see how you are",with a streaming bloody cold,sneezed and coughed all the time she was here.not happy.lol.ive had 2 lots of antibiotics,and the last ones my dr.tried me on a stronger one than normal.bit too strong.an hour after i took the first one i was VIOLENTLY sick,and proceeded to be the same every 30 minutes or so for the next 7 hours. back to normal ones.i am sorry,i just haven't been feeling well enough to write,or even read blogs.we have both had flu and swine flu jabs, so hopefully will escape anything worse.i do wish people would be more thoughtful when they have colds.and because ive felt so ill,the MS symptoms are that much worse.i can no longer feel anything in my hands,im getting the "electric shocks" sensations in the night,and generally feel rotten. however,life has to go on,ive made an effort this year and put the xmas lights up outside,many were thrown out as they had got passed the best,not done the lounge window,but mums bedroom window has been done.i will try and take pics soon.

i have hospital next tuesday about back.i should have gone last month.i got ready that wednesday,was up at 4.20,dressed had breakfast,woke mum at 6 as usual,she even got up before tracy arrived,i was showered,shaved and left the house at 7.15 to be in norwich by 8,30. i got in car,throwing appointment letter on front seat,started car,selected reverse,started to back down slope when.............my eye caught sight of that letter.i was sure it was wednesday.i knew it was wednesday.id even bloody checked what time i had to be there on the sunday,only........i actually SHOULD have been ther that MONDAY, how i made such a stupid mistake i have no idea.suffice it to say i had to go back in and apologise to poor mum for dragging her out of bed,lol.rung the hospital,explained,and am rebooked in for next tuesday.and yes,i checked.lol.on the 30th i have to have an assessment,as i am having another angiogram done on the 5th january.this is to check the steent i had put in.and at the end of january i have an appointment with the MS consultant. i am thinking of pitching a tent there lol.

many thanks to jeannette,Outside - Looking In - Jeannette's Jottings for the above award.according to what i was told,im supposed to say why i started blogging,and pass it on to 5 blogs that mean a lot to me,and who i think deserve it.well, i only did a post recently why i started caring and sharing.i was waiting for an assessment.carers.and decided to vent spleen lol.been here ever since.as a post note,i am waiting a new carers assessment.and have been for the past 2 months.3 phone calls,nothing changes,lol. anyway.im sorry but i cant pass it on via links,i dont have the blog urls on this laptop.but im giving it to LUCY,JANE,HERRAD,JEANNETTE (you didnt say i couldnt jeannette,lol)those 4 are the 4 i comment on.one more is private blog,PAM. jane as you all know is seriously ill,A journey of another kind, lucy,well lucy puts me to shame.herrrad,to say thanks for the awards she gave me,jeannette,because she has written some of the best entries ive read.pam,oh boy.my friend in america,because she makes me smile even when writing about sad things.you have or will have emails from me soon.go and do thou like wise. ok you excused jeannette.lol.im sorry but i dont have the patience to find your urls,but ive done my best.

lastly,i wish every reader,A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS,AND A PEACEFUL,AND JOYOUS NEW YEAR. whether i continue writing frankly is debatable.this has taken me well over 2 hours to do,and i find it increasingly harder to concentrate.take care all.i wish you all the very best in your lives.thankyou for reading,mort.

THANKSGIVING WISH

2009-11-24T12:00:00.001-08:00

WISHING ALL MY GOOD FRIENDS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA A VERY HAPPY AND BLESSED THANKSGIVING. KEEP SAFE AND WELL,ESPECIALLY MY SECOND MOM LUCY.TAKE CARE ALL,mort xx

LEST WE FORGET.

2009-11-10T15:37:00.000-08:00

ON THE 11TH HOUR,OF THE 11TH DAY,OF THE 11TH MONTH 1918 THE WAR TO END ALL WARS ENDED.ALAS IT WAS NOT THE END OF WARS,KILLING OF INNOCENT MEN,WOMEN AND CHILDREN.AND STILL IT GOES ON TODAY.PLEASE,AT 11 AM PAUSE,THINK,REMEMBER THOSE WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES,SO WE MAY LIVE.2 MINUTES SILENCE SEEMS A SMALL PRICE FOR US ALL TO PAY.

"At the going down of the sun,and in the morning,we WILL remember them."

take care all

2 years on.we progress

2009-10-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

CARING AND SHARING WAS 2 YEARS OLD ON 21ST OF OCTOBER. and i forgot,lol.says a lot i think.what started out as a journal about me caring for mum has turned into a journal about my health problems.but then that is what life is about.change. a year ago jland finished,and many gave up blogging.i nearly did myself.but sometimes its good to put your thoughts down.clears the mind.

Yesterday i went and saw Linda my MS nurse.she has had a move to Cromer,seaside town on the coast.17 miles from me.it has been so warm these past few days it was lovely to drive along with the window down.late october and temperatures nearly reaching 20c.i found her new place,a very nice rehabilitation and convalescent home.lindas even got a decent sized office,which she has soon filled lol.i explained i had been getting a lot of pain from the MS,optic neuritis and neck pains.we had a long talk,and said that basically there is nothing much they can do for me.my MS can now be called secondary progressive.i always have some symptoms,often a lot,and it is progressing.I.E.getting worse.but the good news is that she is pretty sure it wont go to anything worse.mainly due to my age.so lucy,stop worrying.i know you.lol. the reason i cant have any different tablets is because of the heart meds i am on.which i knew.i go to see Dr.C in january,and linda will be in touch with him before then to bring him up to speed about my heart problems,and also the back.i go 11th november to discuss if i am going to try injections in the vertebra,or maybe fusion of 4 vertebra.

Unfortunately it seems i am still getting angina,albeit not so bad,so what will happen when i see the heart specialist im not sure.we shall see.

And so to the start of my 3rd year of a journal writer.and ive come full circle.because i am waiting for yet another carers assessment,just as i was 2 years ago,they were supposed to have been in touch long before now.i feel a phonecall will be needed lol.mum went to the chiropodists monday,a nice young man,lol,did her feet.the gout has returned as it is prone to do,and he dressed her feet for her and generally made a good job of treating them. she is getting worse,memory wise,forgets the names of things,gets confused. gets scared if i arent here.and yes,its got a lot harder for me to cope.i have asked for an extra call at night,to help her get undressed and ready for bed,but i am still waiting to hear.while i can i am her carer.there is no way that is going to change.but i do need more help.whether i get it??we shall see in the coming year ahead.i do apologise to you my readers,i often dont read your blogs,often even poor lucy gets missed.but i am still going to write in this tatty old journal,bit dogeared and worn though it is,not so often as i did,but if there is something to share,then share i will. because i realised only just recently,i do the sharing,and you,the new jland,my fellow blog writers and readers,you do the caring.and i thank you all. take care all.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO YOU ALL.

its just not fair

2009-10-25T01:12:00.000-07:00

Sugar has already posted on Call for Support but i am adding my call as well.many of you know jane,a lot because i have mentioned her often in the past. bad news from her loving husband Martin,she has broken a leg and is in hospital, A journey of another kind....: JANE'S HAD A BRAKE !! please,please,visit her blog and leave martin,and jane a message of support.she has suffered more than one person should ever have to suffer,she never gives in,she always fights,and she is my friend.she always thinks of me,even when her own pain is nearly too much to bear.and YES,i am bloody crying as i write this. thankyou to my friend sybil for telling me about her,i havent been reading blogs much lately.please take a moment to pray for a lovely,caring lady,who is in pain.take care all. jane,you bloody well fight girl.you are in my thoughts.

PLEASE CAN I ASK YOUR HELP

2009-10-14T05:09:00.000-07:00

A good friend on facebook,and from my old poker league has just been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer. can i please ask those of you whose faith is greater than mine if you can pray for her?PAMELA A. i shall keep her surname private.because she is a private lady.i think for her to admit she has this most evil of diseases took more courage than anyone could imagine. i call her friend,although we will never meet.just as i will never meet any of you,my readers.but the internet knows no distance,or restrictions.nor do prayers.guido,if you read this,or anyone can help,can this be put on call for support as well please?you are in my thoughts pam.keep fighting.xxx

For myself i am in great discomfort,the bruising is still bad,both in groin,and wrist.but i have a walk to shop every morning,i cook dinner,do the housework,but i am also resting. thankyou all for your lovely comments and good wishes. and in advance for the prayers i know you will send for pamela. this is the reason i didnt go ahead and close my journal.when the chips are down,jland always looks after its own,take care all.

heart sore again.

2009-10-10T15:49:00.000-07:00

i went into hospital at 7pm this last monday,pam took me up there,stayed in overnight,next morning i was woken at 5am and given breakfast,lol.then had a shower,and was taken to angio suite around 10.Dr.E.is a wonderful surgeon,he explained that he would go in through wrist,but that he wanted to do a pressure test on the heart,and was going into groin as well.i can honestly say it was the nastiest procedure i have ever endured.so bad that i actually accepted morphine.not often i need that kind of thing.anyway,he told me i actually had a blockage in the main artery and it could be treated in 2 ways.either bypass,at papworth hospital,or a stent.as he was already in the artery we decided stent.and in fact 2 were fitted.now if there is still angina,although the flow rate went from 73% before stent to 98% after,i shall have to have a bypass.the op.went well,after i was taken to coronary care,in a private room for 5 hours to recover.did manage to eat me roast turkey lunch,was nice too lol,had to keep wrist still as possible,after 4 hours the catheter i still had in groin was removed.and i was taken back to ward.next morning,after a very bad nights sleep i was discharged at 7.30mand pam picked me up.she came straight to the hospital from work,and i was home by 8.40.
so,all done and sorted? well,i knew i had a small haematoma,blood clot,under the skin in my groin.but at around 3 later that day i went to the loo,thought,cor that feels sore,looked and............it was huge.so i rang the cardiac nurses number at the hospital and explained i was a bit concerned.she said,so is it around the size,say of an acorn?ermmmm no,more like a very large hens egg.shape and thickness. deadly silence from other end. 2 minutes please. soon she was back,ok,i have spoken to the registrar,get up here now,as soon as you can,we need to see this.so,i had to get brian,mums friend to take me,pam being on nights i couldnt ask her again.30 plus miles.we got there at 6.i went up to cardiology and it was closed,but a nice nurse showed me to the cardiac ward.i showed the staff nurse the lump and she said,oh bloody hell.thats nasty.rang for a dr.i waited in day room,until a young medic came,he examined me on a spare bed,said,my registrar must see this,and went and got him.he carefully poked,prodded and generally had a good look,and said that it seemed to him that blood had pooled behind the catheter in artery,and it was this that was causing it.he was quite sure though that it would be ok,if any bleeding or if pain got worse i was to ring 999 at once.so we came home to a relieved mum.the wrist and groin have both given me hell.very painful,but today the swelling has subsiided.but the color. i am black in my groin and upper thigh.lot of discomfort.cant drive for a week,cant lift for a month.but i do feel better.lot of discomfort in heart but thats to be expected,and it is getting better.many,many thanks to all who left me so many lovely comments on facebook,to lucy for her mails,and to all who have been asking about me.
i go to pain management clinic in november about back,back up in december for consultation with dr E,and MS consultant in january.lol.may as well pitch a tent there i think.
I have asked for another carers assessment.i cant manage any more.ive tried,and tried.but mum is getting more and more forgetful and vague. luckily thanks to tracey and carol,and her friend chris,she coped the 2 nights i was away.but she wouldnt if i have to go in for a long time.and i need help.because im so tired.she cant help it bless her.and i wont let her go into a nursing home,but i do need further help at night now,and i am going to ask for it.im 56,i look 66,and feel 76.take care all.

electric blue

2009-09-21T16:08:00.000-07:00

And anyone who recgonises the series of videos from the 80s,with the same title as this entry,SHAME ON YOU.lol.
On the following monday i sent my housing association a very long,detailed email,explaining all that had occurred,and that i was now left with no earth trip,which was A illegal,and B,extremely dangerous.and that it was THEIR house that would go up in flames if there was a serious electrical fault.that was at 12.15.at 1.10 my phone rung.housing association.claire,secretary to head of assets.normally complaints take 10 days to get sorted,but she had realised how serious the matter was and was seeing her boss at once.20 minutes later the phone rang again.the contractors.a very sheepish lady said,neil,our head electrician will be with you first thing in the morning,he will do a full test,and we will go from there.
At 8.20 the next morning neil arrived,pleasant,courteous,professional.he was horrified when i told him what the other electrician had done,and set about testing.it took him 5 hours to check every circuit.he found 4 things.the positive buzz bar was so loosely connected it had been arcing,and was the reason it later turned out the trip kept going out,fan in bathroom was set too fine,and noisy.light in bathroom was not up to regs.and the boiler wasnt earth bonded.he also changed circuits around,so every circuit is now protected by trip.oh,and yes,he replaced the trip.he refused to issue a certificate until the work was done,said he would order what was needed and left.the next morning he rung at 8,he had all the things,and was coming to do it.by 11 he was done,everything was checked.a true professional.i sent an email to claire asking for him to be commended and thanked for a job well done i may add.
over the next few days the lights flickered occasionally,then on the following monday,it was a wet and windy day,the overhead powerline was blowing about and as it did my lights flickered.bad.i had neils number and rang him,we both agreed it had to be the overheads causing the problem so i rung EDF,they sent out an engineer who got here after tea.it transpires my neighbour is on the same overhead,it goes to her main fuse first,then from a splitter to mine.and oh yes,her lights had been a bit flickery.shame you didnt tell me that when i asked you i thought.anyway,the engineer checked the fuses and connections and said he would order a linesman crew to come out the next day and check.and the next day 2 lorries turned up,up the pole they went and.............the neutral connector had split.corroded.and water was getting in,also the live was nearly as bad.15 minutes later,2 new connectors,job done.and the saga ends.no more problems.
This morning i had a phone call from my consultant,i go in to hospital the evening of october 5th,stay in overnight,op first thing tuesday 6th,will be in all day and overnight and released the next morning,hopefully angina free.it means i must now try and sort care for mum for 2 nights and days.and thats another story i fear.we shall see.
Lucy i am so sorry i havent been there for you,or jane,or anyone else.im just not reading blogs.and i apologise.take care all.

NEVER FORGOTTEN

2009-09-11T01:34:00.000-07:00

NO WORDS I WRITE CAN DO JUSTICE TO THE AWFUL ATROCITY THAT OCCURED ON THIS DATE 8 YEARS AGO.TO MY FRIENDS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,AND TO THE FAMILIES IN THE UK WHO ARE STILL DEVASTATED BY THIS MOST EVIL AND COWARDLY OF ATTACKS. YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS.AND IN THE MINDS AND HEARTS OF MILLIONS. take care all.

back again

2009-09-06T14:51:00.000-07:00

sorry its been so long,somehow ive lost the desire to write,a lot is due to the MS which has been bad.mainly due to some hot weather we had.that was summer lol.autumn seems to be rushing towards us now,its turned a lot cooler.anyway,thursday i went to the heart clinic,now it was actually a follow up they do for patients who have had angioplasty surgery,as such the cardiac nurse hadnt read my notes.she just thought everything was sorted,until i explained i WAS still getting angina bad,was still using the nitro spray,so she then read,and said,he has put if you still get angina he will try an angioplasty using a special drug filled balloon,i shall put you on his waiting list,will soon be sorted,next.lol. so that was a waste of 70 miles travelling for what could have been done over the phone in 2 minutes,although i did have an ECG/blood pressure reading done.at least he will try and clear the artery,and hopefully i wont need bypass surgery.

The next day,friday i was off to Cromer hospital,small cottage hospital to see the orthopaedic triage.i had the MRI on my back done in june,i rung them 3 weeks after the scan,as i hadnt heard from them,and was told the triage would look at the scan and ring me back.then they rung to say she had looked,and i would be called back for another appointment with her and then..............nothing.i rung again,yes she would look at the scan and get back to me. ermmm i was told she HAD looked at it? oh?i will speak to her.week later i rung again.again i was told she had looked at it and i was "in the system" to be seen.then i finally got an appointment for friday. when i did get in to see her,she said,ive not even looked at scan,i havent been told you rung,nothing.lovely lol. anyway,we looked at the scan pics.together,and it can be clearly seen that i have yet another disc bulging and pressing on the nerve,hence the awful pain im getting.also showed some white patches,and she was rather quiet about those.i asked,those lesions? im not a nurologist she said,then looked at me.how many did you have last scan?4 or 5.ive now got around 9.oh well.thats another worry for a later date.in the meantime,i am going to try a course of steroid injections to relieve the inflammation,hopefully they will help,if not,and the pain is still as bad,surgey will be considered,and the verteba will be fused together.which sounds awful but she assures me i will still be able to bend,although a bit stiff,and that its an operation that carries a lot less risk than it used to.we will see.

now ive written before about the wonderful housing associations maintenance team,my bathroom door still a apainful memory.for the last 3 weeks my lights flicker,the power goes down,my fan motor slows,obvious there was a problem.an electrician ( ahem) came out,checked the connections to the main trip in the consumer unit,found they were so loose he had to turn the screw 5 times to tighten it, and that was it,until.................the trip went off in the middle of the night.no clock,good job it was weekend and tracey wasnt coming early.so he came out and changed the trip. 3 days later same thing happened. so they sent a surveyor round.he wanted a special test done on all the circuits before calling out the board,it could be the overhead cables at fault,and lo,the next day the same electrician came out.did he test?? nooooo.he did cure the trip going oiut though, in a most radical,and im sure efficient way.he took it out.removed it.rewired the unit so now...............ive got no protection if there is a serious fault.that was thursday,he said he would report the overhead cables at fault.now,i am going to write on monday a most long and interesting email to the head of housing,explaining the test wants carried out as ordered,that i am not protected,that this is illegal,and ...........WILL THEY BLOODY WELL SORT IT.NOW.i rather think that contract firm will NOT be doing repairs when the current contract ends next year.they are useless.

finally,welcome back to pamal3.those of you who followed her blog will be as delighted as i am she has finally graced us with her presence again.even if she dont write,she dont call,she just swans off without a word,i dunno,dont she realise that i wor..........ahem.sorry pam.lol.you knew youd suffer.im glad my friend is back.Almost 40! sorry i havent been around for you lucy,or you jane,but i have read your blogs and am up to date now.take care all.

a few pics to lighten the gloom

2009-08-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

good butterfly year,this is only one of about 3 red admirals ive seen though

painted lady with a peacock butterfly on the buddleia davidii "black knight"

self sown sunflower,lol.bird feeders were above it.its full of hover flies in centre

my white hollyhock,quite pleased with this shot

that new boarder i did at start of season has just bloomed and bloomed.

taken few weeks ago,most have gone over now and been removed.did well though

been lovely to see,fuschias were from last year,shant keep them as they show signs of fireblight

my pink water lilly.unfortunately the white one didnt flower this year,i didnt know that water lillies hate moving water until last year,the pump has been turned off to allow them to flower

taken a 1.30 am,in the middle of june.didnt really get dark.nights pulling in fast now though

taken at 10 pm came out pretty well.

feeding frenzy i get every morning when i throw the old cat food sooty has left out.glad you cant hear all the noise lol

greedy devils

well,hope everyone is having a good summer.it is going away fast,soon autumn will be here.nasty thought.i am pleased jane has posted,bless her heart.there is a fighter.take care all,enjoy your gardens and the hot weather.

heart sore

2009-08-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

firstly,and with deep sorrow,can i please ask you all to visit janes blog,A journey of another kind....: Jane's Journey - The final leg. ive just read this entry and im in tears.you will see why.jane,ive been reading your fight against terminal cancer now for a long time.you keep fighting sweety.xxxx
I went in tuesday for the stents to be fitted.Pam dropped me off at the hospital,and i was on the ward at 11.10.i had to wait for nearly 30 minutes for a bed to become free,when it did it was near the window,and boy was i glad later at night.very stuffy and close day.they were very busy,but the staff were very courteous as always.i finally got taken down to the angio suite at 1.30.finally went through at 2,got up on table,connected up to ECG,when.........the surgeon came over and said,morton,i am so sorry,we have a 999 emergency call coming in,73 yr old lady suffering a heart attack,i oromise you will be seen to directly after we see to her. so i was unplugged,taken back to the recovery bay and waited.like me back in december she was rushed into the angio suite,and a well oiled machine swung into action.lol.bless her,she had 3 stents fitted,and was sitting up in bed later that night enjoying a cuppa.
So.i finally got back on the table at 4pm.2 surgeons,5 technicians,millions of pounds worth of scanners at work. one surgeon left at 5 ish,the other kept on trying to get a stent in but to no avail.the fact is he couldnt fit the stents,instead i had an angioplast on 1 artery,a balloon is inserted and the artery is "squashed"on the inside,making the artery wider.the other artery was just too narrow.apparently it goes into a sharp bend,then narrows like a chicane on a racing circuit,and it was just too tight a curve for him to get anything through.he told me there is a special balloon he will order that may work if i still continue to have trouble.and if that doesn't work,well it means Papworth hospital,bypass operation.finally,i was taken back to my ward at 7pm.missed me tea lol.bless the ward sister for the sandwich she had kept me.
Now,i had shaved the left side of my groin for the catheter to be inserted.the surgeon decided he wanted the right side shaved as well,in case he needed to go in that artery.so,i now got 2 nice smooth areas,all ready and............he went in through my right wrist.lol.i had to be connected to a pump that slowly fed a blood thinning drug through my vein for 12 hours,i was allowed up at 10.30 to use toilet,still connected to machine which i had to push in front of me.now,this was ok except,it squeaked as i pushed it,so at 4am,bearing in mind i couldnt get to sleep and raj,the absolutely fantastic night nurse in charge had made me 2 cups of tea and biccys,and the fact i hadnt taken the nasal spray to stop me needing loo,there was me going squeak,squeak,squeak,toilet door opens,squeak,door closes.silence.flushing noise.door opens squeak,squeak,oh i was popular.lol.
the pump was removed at 7,canular removed and after a quick breakfast i was sitting in dayroom.pam picked me up at 9 and i walked in my door around 10.15.
felt really sore,achy and tired today.yesterday i was ok,but i am now bruised everywhere,so i think it is delayed reaction.i am still getting a bit of angina,though it may be due to the op.anyway,i go and see him in 6 weeks time,where we will discuss what happens next.i really do not want a lot of bypass surgery if it can be avoided,but i shall be led by the consultant.
i am sorry,i just haven't felt like reading blogs,only tonight have i read a few,the MS has been playing up as it always does when i am stressed or tired.for some reason blogger has decided i am persona non grata at the moment,i got a message saying my network was sending messages to blogspot and i was banned until further notice.huh???i did see that several bloggers had had the same message,so we will see.i got on here to do this entry via dashboard.i have some great pics to share for the next time,but for now,take care all.many thanks for all the lovely messages on facebook,yearbook,tagged and emails.mort

update

2009-07-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

i cant even think of a witty title.says a lot how things are at the moment.not been feeling well,MS playing games,mum not too good,arthritis bad.just thought i would post as i have the pre-op assessment for stents tomorrow,and i will have the angioplast next tuesday,4th of august.2 stents will be fitted.hopefully this will cure the angina.also i am still waiting for an appointment with a consultant about back.it has been so painful now for ages,i hadn't heard results of MRI scan i had on it,so rung the triage.she hadn't had the results back,which as it had been 6 weeks or more was a bit stupid,she rang me later,said she had got hold of the scan and it showed that there was a problem and i did need to see a consultant,and she was going to sort it.that is 3 weeks ago,still waiting.
i will know tomorrow if i do have to be in hospital overnight,rather sure i will,as appointment is at 11.00am.at least i do have carers sorted to look in on mum.take care all.

LEST WE FORGET

2009-07-07T05:31:00.000-07:00

REMEMBERING ALL THE VICTIMS OF TERROR,NOT JUST HERE IN THE UK,IN THE UNITED STATES,EUROPE,WHEREVER EVIL PEOPLE BOMB AND KILL AND MAIM INNOCENT MEN,WOMEN AND CHILDREN. may one day peace and justice prevail,there has been far too much suffering caused in the name of religion,intolerance and hatred.one day.take care all.

Grateful thanks to Jeannette of Outside - Looking In - Jeannette's Jottings for the tag.

HAPPY 4th OF JULY

2009-07-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

WISHING ALL MY AMERICAN READERS AND FRIENDS,A REALLY GREAT WEEKEND.thanks for all the kind comments and your friendship you have shown me.take care all

dis-heartened.

2009-06-26T14:39:00.000-07:00

i had to go and see my heart consultant today,11am.i was there at 10.35,finally went in to see him at 11.45.running late as usual.nice man,made me feel at ease...........before clobbering me with the news that he had reviewed the pictures of the recent angio i had,and that there are 2 arteries that need attention,more than the tablets i am on will cure,which is why i am still getting angina when i do too much.( not that i do before you write lucy,lol.i hear your keyboard tapping as i write this,x)also,and more worrying,i take an ant-acid for hiatus hernia,and because i am on aspirin and heart meds.i have to change it.quick.apparently it has been proven to cause clots in stents fitted.oh gee,thanks doc.gets better lol. anyway,he said,look,i think you need to have this sorted,do you want to go ahead?well,duhhhhhh,lol.of course.if it will stop the pain and discomfort,if it will stop another heart attack,then yes.he has said it should be about 6 weeks,so fingers crossed. mum took the news suspiciously calmly,i am not sure she actually understands.i now have to sort carers out to look after her,i shall only be in hospital for a day.at least i presume so,full details will be sent to me,and i have to have a pre-op assessment first.hope everyone is ok,thanks for messages,thanks lucy for being there,thanks carol for the lap dance lol.( she didddddd,shame was a facebook application lol) and guido for being a good and kind person.take care all,i shall post some pics when i download them soon,enjoy this lovely weather.mort

garden pics june 2009

2009-06-10T13:38:00.001-07:00

the clematis is soon over.2 weeks of glorious colour,then leaves lol

philadelphus virginata,smells gorgeous.honeysuckle is self sown.

new colour in double petunia.in hanging basket

nicw fuschia,kept from last year which cost all of 50p.lol

petunias.these are lovely this year

baskets are looking good.fed every week,watered every day.

we get dozens of seagulls.took this after 15 shots of the bloody hedge,lol.they fast

new duck this year,donald n his mate are still here every day.shame because i thought they had stopped and cleaned the fish pond out 3 weeks ago.wrong.

clematis 'nelly moser' is years old.i bought it from the old house 17 years ago.

the new arch is quickly becoming covered

hardy geranium

peony 'pink sorbet' this is the only one thats flowered out of 3 plants

oriental poppies

my old peony.lovely colour.hope you enjoyed them.

THANKYOU ALL FOR THE LOVELY COMMENTS.i shan't be deleting this blog.too much work and a few tears went into it.won't be posting very often,and i can't still comment on many blogs i read,but i shall be about.just got too much to keep posting.the MS is playing up bad,for last 3 nights i have been woken by jerking in legs and arms,swallowing is bad,and pain is bloody awful. had the MRI scan on back,will get results within 2 weeks.take care all.mort.

last post?

2009-06-03T14:27:00.001-07:00

THANKS TO NAT,London Calling

THANKS TO LUCY,MY SECOND MOM,What is left of a whole new life
thanks to nat and lucy.2 more awards.im sorry but they are likely to be the last this blog ever gets.this is the end of my blogging,i can no longer carry on.its been more of a chore than a pleasure for some time,the MS seems to have made me unable to concentrate.i just dont feel up to carrying on with this any more.normally i would have written about mums visit to the chiropodists,remember her gout?cleared up.but 2 weeks ago she had an appointment to see the chiropodist,a new man we had never had before,first he kept us waiting 20 minutes over our time then.................he cut mums bad toe.pratt.she came out with a bandage on it as though it was a finger puppet.luckily it cleared up.im having an MRI scan tomorrow at 7.50am on back,finally.so early start.many more things i would normally share.but i cant seem to get myself motivated.sorry for not commenting on many blogs,still have problems with a loop that appears when i try.

so why?i used to enjoy my journal,when jland died i said it didnt matter,that WE are jland,that it wouldnt make any difference.i was wrong. many of the old aol jland journal writers moved to blogspot,and many have left.maybe facebook,tagged,my space.etc.some on twitter,more just let their blogs fade away.fed up with it.jeannette,jan rarely posts now,yasmin,pamal,all gone.and now im doing the same.thanks to lucy for worrying about me,we shall keep in touch,thanks to all my followers,thanks to anon, for being a class A,grade one ass wipe.you made my year lol.i may leave this here,i may delete.in the future i may start again.the MS is getting worse,not really bad,but enough.and mum,well she is happy,contented,in pain but cared for.and on that note,for the last time,TAKE CARE ALL.THANKS,MORTON.its a pleasure to know you all,see you on facebook.and pictures will be added to my profile on face when i download some more,so please look for them.goodbye.

new camera pics.at last.lol

2009-05-16T13:40:00.001-07:00

dicentra spectabilis,alba.

tomatoes only just gone into growbags,bought them as plugplants an inch high

some of this years baskets,starting to really look nice

the new boarder under mums bedroom window,was full of nerines.spread everywhere.birds keep pulling the bark mulch into path lol

the other new boarder under lounge window.was full of day lillies,like the nerines had spread,and really are just leaves for most of year.again the bark mulch is getting moved.

that clematis montana,growing up and along the front of sunner house,also goes along the side,over 15 foot of growth in one year.

my rhododendrun,i love this.one of my favourite flowers.i have to grow it in a pot as i dont have acid soil in the garden.

the 2 go together well.see what i mean about that clematis?

i love my new camera,fuji finepix,10 megapixel,and it has a view finder as well as back screen,if,like me,you are used to using a 35mm SLR film camera,to be able to use the view finder,see what you are taking is great.the last 2 were taken using the macro close up,with the telephoto lens it makes a really good camera,comfortable to hold and use.it LOOKS like a camera.lol.hope you enjoyed a few of this years flowers,lucy by the sound of it you will beat me on the tomatoes this year if yours is coming into flower.just hope mine taste better than last year.should do,using gardeners delight.enjoy your gardens,take care all.

no anon.now nina needs new friends.

2009-05-14T12:28:00.000-07:00

Well.thankyou all for the lovely comments.lol.i almost felt sorry for ANON.lol.who i am so glad to say has been quiet.the reason i had such a go is simple.to me,his/her/its kind are bullies.they try to upset journal writers because they are jealous,so they lash out.like a bully.like bullies they are cowards.they hide behind anon,jolene,whatever,because they attack who they think are weak,or won't fight back.i was bullied at school.for nearly eleven years my life was made hell by bullies.because i didn't like sports,i was quiet,i didn't have that many friends,i was a target of bullying.especially at my grammar school,i passed the old eleven plus at the second attempt,and i was out of my depth.i hated it.so i was bullied,kicked,punched,and i took it.too scared to fight back.until one day.........the chief instigator of my torment was a nasty little git called david.big,heavy set,with his 2 mates they preyed on us weaker lads.this particular day i had just got new glasses,mum and dad weren't well off,in fact far from it.and david had hit me in the face and broken them,the frame bent.and i snapped.i kicked seven bells of hell out of him,so hard in the crotch he was sick,smacked one of his mates nose so hard blood flew everywhere,and had the other by the throat when a teacher dragged me off.meany.lol.3 weeks detention for that lake.yes sir.oh,and lake. yes sir??about time you stood up for yourself.sly wink.that was the turning point.i would never allow myself to be bullied,or to stand by and watch others bullied again.so be warned anon.i now know how to find out who you are,i will press blogger to ban you,i will also do my utmost best to stop your nasty snide,spiteful comments on any of my friends.have a nice day now.
now,my good friend nina,who is to blame for me starting this journal all that time ago,has started blogging again,she used to write a journal on jland called overtaken by snails,life in the slow lane,and she made my day when she posted.then due to poorly health,and the sad demise of AOL journals she stopped it.now,SHE IS BACK.please will you visit and say hi.her blog is called Ninas Ramblings: more ramblings !!! and is well worth a look.like me she has an elderly mum.but i think i will let her tell her story herself.lol.also,i think many of my readers do know her but my good friend jane deserves to be read.she suffers from terminal kidney cancer,lately thanks to the drug sutent,she has made a remarkable fight back.her blog is one of hope to all who suffer from this most evil of diseases.A journey of another kind....: Jane's Story.....is the last entry,she has had a programme made of her fight with our NHS to fund sutent.and of her sheer guts and determination to fight back against the cancer.frankly she always has me in awe.jane , love.you bloody rock girl.please.go visit her journal,its far from doom and gloom.bloody cruises,tv programmes,still not got my autograph,mutter.lol.i was going to add pics,but having trouble adding them and really dont want to lose this entry.will do another in a while.take care all.

comments anon.

2009-05-10T15:04:00.000-07:00

on my last post,where i thanked herrad and lucy for the inspirational blogger award they had both given me,ANON wrote the following comment:- you still live at home with your mother?you poor fat fuck. no wonder this stupid "honor" means so much to you.
it also left another longer rambling comment about how it had been a week and a half since i last posted how "retched" i am. let me see if i can clear a few thing up for anon.firstly.if you can read the big words i use,it clearly states on my profile i am a 24/7 carer for my elderly,frail.infirm mother.SO YES,I LIVE AT HOME.HOW ELSE CAN I GIVE 24/7 CARE??? as for why i still live at home.well i made my choice years ago anon,i take it you don't love your mother?or she don't love you?shame that.fat?hmmm do you know me personally anon i wonder?yeah,guilty.i have put weight on.MS does that,and arthritis,i'm no longer able to exercise like i should or would like."no wonder this stupid "honor" means so much to you". now,if you had read it properly,one finger underlining as you read each word like you were taught by the special needs teacher,nowhere do i actually call it an honor.(spelling really not your strong point if the word is over 4 letters is it anon?) i thanked herrad and lucy for thinking enough of my blog to award it to me.hope that clears that up?now why i wonder has ANON suddenly decided to vent his bile on my blog.my good friend beth had her own troll,jolene,who had left a spiteful comment on a post she had done,and i made comment about what a nasty spiteful troll jolene was.then,dear anon had a go at me.coincidence?who knows?are they the same "person"(being polite)?who cares.ANON,like the rest of your kind,you are a coward,a foul mouth,obviously jealous that someone thinks enough of my writing to give me an award.but why?is it possible dear anon that you write a blog?of such awful drivel that nobody in their right mind would ever give you an award,or,worse still,comment.or follow.or read.is that it anon?you jealous?envious?perhaps you don't have any friends?no family?alone and unloved?hope so.you want to leave spiteful,foul mouthed comments,go ahead,be my guest.know what?when i read the comments you left,it gave me the best laugh i have had in ages.however,if you continue to use four letter words,i shall track you down,and get you banned.now,like the piece of dog dirt you are i shall wipe you off my shoe and carry on with the post.
Sorry i haven't been leaving comments on many blogs.i appear to have a problem.on many blogs written via hotmail or internet explorer,when i try to comment,bloody explorer slowly opens,my PC freezes,and i usually crash.whether this is to do with aol,i'm not sure,but it drives me mad.lol.so,until i can get it sorted i may not be leaving comments.i am reading though.
i sit here looking at a blank wall,with several screw holes in.where the cupboard/shelving unit used to be above my computer desk.that is until today.i have been to wells,small seaside town near me,just for an hour,as i drove in my yard my mobile went off.mum.theres been an accident she said.when i walked in,i found the cupboard was resting on my monitor,the length of 3 by 2 under it was nearly off the wall,the wall plugs had failed,the unit had fallen forward,coming to rest as i say on the top edge of the monitor,all the books,files,etc.were all over the floor,what a mess.just lucky i wasn't sitting at my desk or i doubt i would be posting this.badly overloaded.the cupboard weighs a good 30 to 40 pounds,loads of books,must be at least another 40.but i have never known plastic wall plugs to fail so drastically.been up over 6 years so its not as if it is newly put up,i haven't added any more weight these last few days. just glad i decided to go out lol.anyway,i await the inevitable bile and insults from anon,feel free if it makes your miserable nasty life a little bit nicer. oh.i just looked back,it left a comment on april blues posting too.busy little anon.lmao.really is a pathetic creature.
did promise pictures.yes the new camera is working ok,been waiting for a memory card to arrive,as it only holds 10 pics in internal memory.will post soon.take care all my lovely friends.anon?gissa kiss.mwaaahhhhhh

thanks to herrad and lucy

2009-04-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

thankyou herrad for this award, and also lucy,who has choosen me as one of her 5. now i am supposed to pick 5 blogs,pass it on,etc. well,i'm not. because i cant pick just 5.so,every reader of my blog,feel free to snag.if i read your blog,it is because i enjoy your writing,yes i have favourites,jane,indigo,lucy,jeannette,jan,yasmin et al.but i am not going to say,these 5 are better than those,this blog deserves this award,that one doesnt.because anyone who sits down and writes a journal,deserves an award for sheer courage.it is scary to have to fill that empty page.

many thanks for all the positive comments and emails about my last entry.needed getting off my chest.got a new camera,so as soon as i work out how to use it i will post some pics of the garden,which is growing away,i had to dig up a boarder of day lillies last week,they had taken over.new plants now make the boarder look halfway cared for.take care all.

the truth hurts

2009-04-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

firstly,thankyou all for the lovely comments,thanks also to mary for the mails.you are right i do need to tell it all.so here goes. i started this journal as a way of letting off steam,i was waiting for a carers assessment,lot of red tape and bovine excrement off social services.mum was reasonably well,lot of pain,arthritis,gout,back trouble.since those early entries she has had a lot of trouble,some i have written about,the gout,stomach upsets,pain etc.but there is also another problem,one i have hinted at,usually i say she is a bit vague,or she is forgetful.well,yes,but there is more to it than that.since i had the heart attackit has become more noticeable,she has mood swings,she can be so selfish at times,other week we were going out on the friday as usual and just before we were going i was taken sick.as in vomiting bad.normally mum would have said,well we cant go with you like that,no,she was determined we were going,as it was i needed to go to bank,or else i would have put my foot down,did make it to fakenham,a drive of about 15 miles before being very ill in the public loo.she seems more forgetful evry day.sillly things,like not being able to remember the name of something simple like beetroot,or what i said the day before,or,and this is really worrying,if someone rings,mum knows they rung,but who,and what they said is gone.i often look over to her as she is sitting in her chair watching the tv,and i know full well that she isnt taking in any of what she is watching.her hands are continually working,rubbing her leg,the arm of the chair,very sad to see.AND I AM SCARED.because i dont want to lose her to alzheimers.i have had a word on the quiet with dr.M,he says she is exhibiting the first signs,maybe not bad,and maybe the shock of seeing me have the heart attack,the week i was away,has scared her.making her worse.hope thats all it is,she knows she has a problem,and i think much of her mood swings is her being scared herself.
It was arranged i was going to have thursdays off,tracey coming back to make lunch,carol in afternoon and i go out.well,the heart attack,back problem,(physio rang the other day,been waiting for my notes and has finally got them,stent wont affect an MRI scan so i am on 24 hour standby for one as soon as they can do it ) has meant i just arent going out.and if i do go,mum rings me every hour,just to make sure i am ok.bless.she just gets worried,that i dont mind,maybe when the better weather gets here i can get out more.i really do need a change of scenery.
as this has turned into kiss and tell,a sort of cleansing if you like,there is one final painful thing i need to get off my chest.very few people know so this will hurt.
i have no memory of my childhood. until the age of around 7 i have no reccollections at all,except just one,me standing near my bedroom window watching mum and dad in the garden.that was in our old house at hindolveston,then when i was 7,my grandad had a bequest left him and he bought mum the bungalow i lived in until we moved when i was 19.so why no early memories?ok im 56 but most people remember snippets of their early years.nothing.then,about 5,maybe 6 years ago i started having the most disturbing dreams,nightmares.always the same dream,i was about 4 or 5,in the old outside lavatory,(no inside loo in those days,just a bucket basically down the end of the garden,cart came round once a week and emptied it.this was the 50s,very few houses had bathrooms or flush toilets,many in fact no electricity.) i wasnt alone,our lodger,P.was in there with me,he lodged with us until we moved to the bungalow,and he was making me............well,lets just say i woke up gagging.the first time it happened i thought what an awful,strange dream,then as it occurred more and more,and more details were added i started to worry.because these werent dreams ,these were memories. one night i woke up with a vile taste in my mouth.and realised what it was,im not going to elaborate,im sure you can guess.now,as i am "straight",as i had never given a man that form of sex act,how did i know what the taste was?
I went to my dr.who put me in touch with a counsellor.bearing in mind by this time i was in a right state,she suggested hypnotherapy.and i found out,yes i had been sexually abused.from about the age of 5.this man P.used to take me into the toilet,or his bedroom,and molest me.i never said anything to mum,P was always "good" to me,bought me sweets,chocolate,expensive toys christmas and my birthdays,i never realised why.hush money ya think?? me too. and i suppose i shut out what i was being bribed for.the nightmares/memories continued,i did consider going to the police,but after so many years it would be difficult to prove,mum would have been so upset,not worth it.then one day......i was reading the local paper,as i sometimes do i was looking in the deaths section,and a name jumped out.P.had died at the village he eventually moved to,(after leaving us he moved in with my mates family,never did ask if he or his brothers were also abused,i couldnt somehow.)it was definately him,now over 80 he had died of cancer.something strange then happened.the dreams stopped.from that day i have had just one dream and that was it.
so,when i hear of child abuse,i cringe.because i know how easy it is for it to be covered up,hidden,forgotten. funnily enough lisa sent me a cause on facebook tonight,the joyful heart foundation,about child abuse.i think that helped me make my mind up to write this tonight.somethings ARENT best forgotten.they eat into you.like acid.take care all.thanks for always being there when i am down.mort.

april blues

2009-04-24T16:02:00.000-07:00

not felt like posting or even reading many blogs lately.i feel tired all the time,in pain,lonely and fed up.i suppose if i had someone i could actually talk to about how i really am feeling it would help,but i havent.yes,ive got friends online,with their own lives and problems,it's not fair to burden them with mine.i seem to have lost all my "real life" friends,either they are drunk,asleep,busy,whatever. i feel isolated sometimes,i am not a mixer,i hate crowds and even today find it hard to go in new places on my own.since i was diagnosed with MS i have lost 3 people i used to be so friendly with.i sound self pitying and i am today,in lot of pain,my fault i did some gardening yesterday and am paying the price.swallowing has got worse these past few weeks,as has my voice.mum is as well as she normally is,in a lot of pain and gets confused.just the april blues i guess.take care all.

HAPPY EASTER

2009-04-09T16:35:00.000-07:00

WISHING ALL MY READERS AND FRIENDS,A HAPPY AND BLESSED EASTER.HOPE IT IS A GOOD AND PEAEFUL ONE FOR US ALL.

Had the fatigue physio come out,she is a great person,didn't waste my time or hers tellling me what i already know,instead she suggested i had a new rail fitted the length of my hall instead of the 2 short tatty handles,in case i get dizzy and fall,new handle near my bed to help me pull myself up,one near back door.said that it is obvious i am using common sense in managing fatigue,i dont drive if i feel tired,i take naps when i need them etc.anyway,yesterday the wooden rail and handles were fitted.mum will benefit as well of course.take care all,enjoy those chocolate eggs.lol

back and blue

2009-03-31T07:32:00.000-07:00

on friday i went to Cromer hospital about my recent back problem,the orthopaedic triage was a very nice lady,who frankly................bloody hurt me,lol.gave me a thorough examination,and at the end,told me i appear to have trapped the nerve.i had one disc removed years ago,3 more crumbling,and she thinks when i stepped off kerb,the nerve got crushed,hence the awful pain i have been having.she said it didnt seem as though the disc had gone,and she thought the nerve would recover,but wanted an MRI scan to check.unfortunately,as i have a stent fitted in my heart she needs to know what that stent is made of,to check with the radiographer to see if it will affect the scan.that information is of course in my medical notes.which were at Norwich hospital for my angio yesterday.she has requested the notes be sent to her and will ring me as soon as she knows.
Yesterday Pam picked me up at 6am,and took me to the Norfolk and Norwich hospital,dropped me off,and went straight home to get some sleep as she had been working all night.i was in the ward by 7.20,a very efficient and good humoured nurse got me sorted,i got in my gown,and was taken up to the angio suite at 8.10.first one.lol.the doctor was running late getting in to work,but eventually i walked into the angio room at 8.35,my groin was the place of entry,the whole thing took 20 minutes before i was slid onto my bed and,hand pressing onto a tissue,i was taken,after a short wait,back to the ward.
Now the good news. the doctor said that,yes i do have some "furring"of 2 minor arteries,but it is NOT serious,and he feels the best way to deal with the problem is by tablets.no further surgery is needed,no stent,and thankfully,NO BYPASS. i was able to be released by 11.i rang poor pam at 9.55,a very sleepy voice said "uugh??".lol.i said,i can come home at 11.that woke her up,lol,and she picked me up at 11.10.poor love was so tired,so McDonalds,lol.big mac n fries and a thick shake helped.and i got home at 12.40,to a very relieved mother.pam went straight off home to bed.as i was home i cancelled the carer from Crossroads,i was sore,bruised,but ok.and felt it unfair to call on them when someone may have needed help more.
I had a lousy nights sleep,very sore,and today my groin is a lovely shade of black and blue,lol. but i now know i am pretty much ok,i see my Dr.at the end of the week,and he will discuss with me the tablets i will be taking.so,good news for a change.i want to thank everyone for all the lovely comments on facebook,and emails.all wishing me well,and offering prayers and good thoughts.i am deeply touched.thankyou all.
i have a fatigue physiotherapist coming thursday to see if she can give me advice on combatting the fatigue i do sometimes get when in relapse.will be interesting to meet her.
today,the weather is lovely,as it was yesterday,although there was a hell of a frost yesterday morning,very white on the ground.none today,and feels much warmer.spring is here.until it turns cold again.lol.the ducks come nearly every day on the pond,lovely to see them.soon,the garden will be really blooming,i just counted 27 different flowers out in bloom.not bad for the end of march.take care all.

spring has not quite sprung yet

2009-03-25T16:25:00.000-07:00

my new garden arch,made from tubular steel,it cost all of £4.99 from lidlls.lol.

the camellia is in full bloom this year,really is full of flowers

my new bird table and planter i bought mum for her birthday,birds loving it.lol

all the flowers coming out now,daffs blooming well

well,here it is,my new pride and joy,one Ford Fiesta style plus,in ocean blue metallic paint.i love driving it,its a joy to handle,and with my arthritis in ankle it is so light on the clutch.had to get a manual.(stick shift to my american friends lol) as ford dont have any available in automatic as of yet.Alex the salesman,sadly has left now,did me a great deal,managed to get the plus option for me,its got air con,and heated front screen instead of the standard.least i have no more insurance,tax,MOT,repair bills now.all i pay for is the fuel.filling it is a bit weird.theres no filler cap,you press the filler cover,it springs open,you shove the fuel nozzle into a sprung plate,and it then shuts off when you remove it.first time was very strange lol.i forgot and was looking for the cap on the roof where i always left it lol.

so,the garden is blooming,but although today was sunny,there is a bitingly cold wind,with bad weather forecast.i think spring has a way to go yet.

i woke this morning at 4am,in agony,the MS is obviously in relapse as i had the electric shock/tingling/jerking i used to get.i think because i have had so much back pain,and now on anti-biotics i had cut my baclofen back,thinking,im ok now,i dont need them so much.stupid me.thats the evilness of MS,it strikes when you think..........things are getting better,im improving,i can beat this disease.well,at 4.15 this morning i decided i was a complete and utter idiot,lol.i took half a baclofen,finally went back to bed ad 5,to get up at 5.45.so i am a bit tired.did take mum out today,we went to fakenham as i have to go to cromer hospital friday about back.also rang Linda,my MS nurse,told her about the relapse,we agreed i should stop taking pregabolin,it causes shallow breathing,and to be honest,it really doesnt seem to make any difference,i can take another half a baclofen if i need to,so i shall before i go to bed in a short while.anyway,one good bit of news,crossroad carers are going to come in from 2 til 4 monday while i am at the hospital having the heart angiogram,tracey will come back lunch time and get her her lunch,a friend will cook tea as i wont be home til after 6.just hope i have'nt got to have a bypass,but i shall cross that bridge when and if it happens.enjoy what fine weather we have,make the most of it,it's been a long hard winter.take care all.

mothers day and some flowers

2009-03-22T05:37:00.001-07:00

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL THOSE MOTHERS OUT THERE. its mothers day here in the UK,hope everyone remembered there mums,and for those who have sadly lost their beloved mothers,my lovely friend jaynee in particular,i am sorry for your loss,but know they live on in your hearts and minds.take care all.

assessed again

2009-03-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

yesterday i went to Norfolk and Norwich hospital for a pre-op assessment for the angio i have to have on the 30th of march at 7.30am.drove myself as i hadnt had a decent drive in the new car.funnily enough the nurse that saw me was the same staff nurse who cared for me after the heart attack,basically it was just to explain the procedure,which as i had already had one done was rather a waste of time,but blood tests done etc,so all ready.i have been told the angio will show any problems,and that if a stent needs to be fitted it will be,but there is a chance i will need a bypass operation at Papworth hospital.we shall see. my back is still giving me hell,i have never been in so much agony in my life,just had letter and i go to Cromer hospital next friday to see an orthopaedic triage nurse.hope some relief can be found soon.
SHE IS BACK.!!!.many of you know the lovely zoe,one of my favourite journal writers,who has finally started a new blog here on blogspot, Domestic chaos: Hi all is the link to find her new blog,please welcomean old friend back,glad to see you again zoe,and not just on facebook,lol.
the ducks are coming every day,the spring flowers are all coming out,my camellia is now in full bloom,so warmer weather must be on the way,take care all.

56 today.

2009-03-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

well,look whose back.lol.those of you who have been reading my inane burblings will recall gemima here.she and her mate donald,( you lot picked their names last year lol.) come to my pond every year around this time.which means spring must be round the corner.
March 9th 1953,at Norfolk and Norwich hospital to Angela Jean,(nee Long) and Geoffrey Cecil Lake,a son.Morton Geoffrey John. 8lbs 6ozs. in other words,..............ME.its my birthday today,many of you have already sent birthday wishes on facebook,and E cards,and emails.thankyou all.my back is still agony,just back from taking mum to chiropodists.very pleased with her and how her feet are now.gout still troubles her but a lot better.take care all.

highs and lows

2009-03-07T13:20:00.000-08:00

I have a shiny new car.!!! brand new model Ford Fiesta style+.in ocean blue,lol.and its lovely.i finally picked it up last friday from the dealers,after the first that was delivered to them was damaged,( been deliberately scratched all along the side,)and this one held up by bad weather.it was supposed to have been ready on the tuesday,and i had already sold my car,a friend bought it,rang me on the monday night and asked if she could have it the next day,unfortunately the next morning the dealer rang and said i couldnt have my new one until friday as there was a problem with motability,so i was without a car for 3 days,lol.i wasn't going to lose the sale of my car,and being fair they did offer me a courtesy car which i refused.to make up for it they did give me a full tank of fuel.i have to say i am really pleased with it.first new car i have ever owned,air con.heated screen,you name it its got it.that was the high of my month.the lows more than made up for it though i'm afraid.
Mum was taken ill 2 weeks ago on the thursday night,early friday morning,she had diarrhoeah really bad,seemed better friday though felt poorly,saturday she was in and out of toilet all day,then sunday night,she was really ill,didn't make the commode which is near her bed,rather unpleasant,poor mum.for 3 nights i was in and out of bed seeing to her,as she was really ill,so much so that i called Dr.M.out on the tuesday,he prescribed stronger tablets than the over the counter remedies i had tried her with,and thankfully it cured her,by the thursday she was finally better.whole week though for her.she is so apologetic for making a mess it hurts.you know?she can't help it,i know that she doesn't do it deliberately,and i get so upset to see her suffering.bless her,she is no trouble,just gets confused sometimes,and being so ill was nasty for her.
While the Doctor was here i asked him if he had had the results from the hospital of my heart treadmill test.those results were supposed to have been sent to him over 3 weeks ago,not a word from the hospital,so he promised to ring the hospital,again,and ask what had happened.funnily enough on the saturday i had a letter from the Cardiac dept.it said that as i had discomfort in the first 3 minutes of the test,and as i was getting angina,it had been decided by the consultant to conduct a further angiogram to see if i have another artery blocked.i have been placed on the list and to hold myself on 24 hours notice to be called in for it.you think they forgot me??yeah,me too.lol.so,another visit to hospital,whether it will be an overnight stay,or whether i can just go in and out the same day i have yet to find out.keeping fingers crossed that there is no further problems.although i do rather think i may have,still have to use the nitro spray sometimes,after exertion.don't nag lucy,lol.i am ok.
Unfortunately,going after the new car last week,i went on the bus to fakenham,and then walked to the dealers,over a mile.and i slipped.came over a bit dizzy,and went down.i didn't think i had done any damage,but i put my back out.all this last week i have been in agony,i can hardly walk,and went to the Drs.on thursday.he examined me and confirmed i had done a disc in.now,i had a disc removed,a discectomy,15 or so years ago,i have 3 more discs crumbling,so i am used to back ache.but this is something else.Dr.M.gave me some slow release opia based pain relief tablets,that had some rather unfortunate side effects. the same side effect as mum has been suffering from.bearing in mind it took me 20 minutes to get up this morning,as the pain was so severe,you can imagine the washing machine was very busy today.never felt so ill in my life.suffice to say,those tablets have joined a list of medications i never want to see again in my life.lol.after a long shower i could finally strip my bed,and tonight i had another long hot shower which has helped.the pain is bearable.
the MS doesn't help at times like that,i am seeing a physio most thursdays now,for help with balance problems i have at times,i always use my walking stick now,and i am seeing a new physio in the next few days about fatigue management.( i manage it well.i go to sleep.lol) hopefully it will be of help.i am lucky compared to many,i discovered a lovely lady called herrad,her blog tells of her struggle with MS.she puts me to shame. her blog is Access denied-living with multiple sclerosis and her partner and carer richies is also on there.link from herads blog.she deserves a look.there is a lady who knows what MS does.please do me a favour and visit her.you rock herrad. thanks for all your kind comments on facebook,any one wanting to add me on facebook,its morton lake.please feel free to add me as a friend.take care all.

a valentines wish

2009-02-13T23:50:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO YOU ALL,HOPE IT IS ONE FILLED WITH LOVE AND HAPPINESS FOR YOU.

Take care all,love mort xx

stressed out

2009-02-02T12:08:00.000-08:00

its been a busy few weeks since i last posted.i went and saw the incontinence nurse,(or the wee wee lady as linda my MS nurse calls her,lol) she gave me a lot of information,explained that MS causes the bladder to contract,instead of expand,so you have to "go"more often,and that when its bad to make sure i dont drink fizzy drinks,caffeine,drink more water.and to plan my route.i already do.lol.she did give me information on a new "car loo" it resembles a large film cannister,with a bag folded inside.very useful.my dr. has ordered me one,as they are available on prescription.next was physio.i fogot the first appointment altogether,ive now bought myself a diary,my memory gets worse,but i have now seen her twice.she has given me various exercises designed to help my balance,which is decidedly poor,i use the walking stick regularly,also she told me the stick was too short,so it is now set at the right height,much better.she is a really nice lady,attractive too.lol.never hurts that.she was able to tell me what leg is my weakest,the left,just by gently holding and twisting my legs.i see her again this week,then it will be on a as needed basis,as is the incontinence nurse.so far i dont really need their help full time.let that continue please.

Lastly,i saw my consultant Dr.C at Cromer hospital.first time we have seen each other since last year when he diagnosed me with MS.we had a long talk,he examined me thoroughly,saw my balance is a bit worse when i nearly fell over doing one foot in front of the other,and said he was pleased with the way i am interacting with the various people helping me,that he was being informed by linda about me,and he would continue to see me on a yearly basis.also,that if i felt any worse,or my symptoms got worse he would order another scan,and indeed may still order one.the tablets and physio hopefully will keep it at bay.we will see.

Last week was the dreaded treadmill heart stress test.Pam kindly took me in her car.it was at 3pm and the huge carparks were full,heaving is the word that comes to mind lol.we managed to find a space where we shouldnt,lol.pam displayed her blue badge and i trottted off on my own to the cardiac suite.a really nice technician called me in,had my chest shaved for the electrodes,which he managed to nick,as we found when the electrode was removed and blood was everywhere,stuck them all over me,wired me up,and off we go.the treadmill starts slowly,flat,then it is speeded up,and then an incline is introduced.i was soon panting,my pregabalin for MS causes shallow breathing,a fact the nurse said was not going to please the heart consultant,i managed 6 minutes,quite a fast,very brisk walk up a slight incline,but i had to call it a day after that,the next stage was faster,steeper,and i was in discomfort,pain in my chest and left arm.not very bad but bad enough to be unpleasant.she was quite ok,and said i had done well.the results will go to the consultant,if i don't hear from them i have to go see Dr.M in 2 weeks time.if all seems ok iwill see the heart consutant in june.fingers crossed they don't call me.

so a busy time.how do i feel? well,i dont need the nitro spray very often,the MS has been bad,i am getting a lot of pain from the arthritis,but doing ok.mum has had a lot of pain from her arthritis,the cold weather affects her badly,she continues to forget names of simple every day objects.but she is my mum.and i love her.so i cope.because i have to.

we have had a little snow,compared to much of the UK we have escaped here lightly,and it is now raining,although it should freeze later.lethal road conditions.

well here they are finally,snowdrops.flowering at least 3 weeks later or more than last year.many bulbs are now peeping through but i fear i have lost a lot.crocusses are very sparce this year.a wet summer may have rotted a lot.but that snowdrop means that spring will come soon,this viciously cold weather will ease.and we will feel sun on our skins again.and february means one thing.very soon,any time now,my 2 ducks will return.and i cant wait to see them.take all,keep warm,well,and safe.and thanks for all your kind comments.

finally on yearbook,on owned on there,(those of you who use yearbook will know that owned is a game,also on facebook,where you "own"other players pictures,earn lunch money,make profits) i discovered this "tag" done by the lady herself.dawn.i sent her a message over 3 weeks ago asking if i may use it on the sidebar of my journal.i have had no reply,i am sure she will not mind any of you snagging it and using it on your own journals.it touched me somehow.i know nothing at all of dawn.but she is talented.and someone who knows,perhaps full well,that breast cancer can affect any one.and so i put it here for you all.

half hearted

2009-01-18T15:01:00.000-08:00

last week i went to Norfolk and Norwich hospital to see the cardiac specialist nurse,for my check up.luckily pam had to go the same day,same clinic as she had high blood pressure and the specialist wanted an echocardiogram done.her appointment was 40 minutes after my 2.10 one.we got there and parked,inside the clinic by 1.55.and pam went in at 2.05.lol i was called soon after for an ECG trace,then went in and saw the nurse.really nice chap,good humoured and friendly.we had a long talk about how i was feeling,what i thought of how things were going,etc.he was concerned that after doing anything the least bit strenuous,say hoovering,walking too fast,i get pains in my left arm and some in my chest.so he decided i went and had an echo myself.poor pam had to wait another 2 hours before we finally got away.after the echo was done,i had to go back and see the nurse.he tells me there is damage to the heart,not massive,but he was concerned enough to want to show the consultant the echo.by this time it was getting close to 4.my relief carer comes on a thursday and was with mum,and promised she would keep with her,but even so,i wanted to get away.so he said go home and if the consultant wanted to see me before the appointment i have with him in june,they would write. so,back home via McDonalds for a well needed milkshake.ok bad for me.but it was lovely lol.i left pams,got home at 5.40 and carol,bless her.was still there chatting with mum.she is a lovely lady.a true carer. well today i had a letter.i have to go on the 28th for an exercise test.treadmill.wired up,walk for a certain time,machine gets progressively faster until you reach your predetermined limit. or drop dead? lol.there is a chance,so the nurse told me,there is another artery blocked that the first angiogram missed.the surgeon was looking for the main site of the attack,and repaired that with the stent,but i may have another slightly furred.if the exercise test shows any change in reading,i will then have to go in and have another angio.at least it is only for one night.so,not particularly good news.

Also after the attack i was taken off the pain relief i was taking for my arthritis,which was having great effect on my ankle,as semi steroid pain relievers can cause heart trouble.so,my ankle is blown up,really painful again.oh,and lets not forget our old friend the MS.thats been playing up too.my hands have lost nearly all feeling in them,my eyes have been giving me pain,basically not a happy bunny.lol.but i am alive,i can walk,i can still care.true i take my time,yes i rest a lot more,and my diet has changed.i now eat more oily fish,packed up butter for low fat spread,sobs softly,and am more aware of my body.if i feel tired i rest,the nitro i spray under my tongue works well,and i am grateful to be here.

I should be getting the new car soon,this next week.so that is one good piece of news. mum has had so much worry over me,over being left alone,seeing me have the attack,that it has made her more vague,more out of it than she was.not her fault bless her.so,there we go.up to date on my health,or lack of lol.many,many thanks for all your kind comments and happy birthday wishes to mum,as always you are very caring friends.i can hear lucy worrying as i type this lol,please dont be concerned.i am in good hands.we swear about our health service,the lack of nurses,funding,cleanliness.etc.but i have no complaints.they have treated me so well.take care all,keep warm and well. mort.

HELLEBORUS NIGER. the christmas rose. maybe spring will make us all feel better.ya think??

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM

2009-01-02T17:17:00.001-08:00

ANGELA JEAN LAKE BORN JANUARY 3RD 1921

THANKYOU MUM,FOR BEING THE BEST MOTHER ANYONE COULD EVER HAVE. GOD BLESS YOU,LOVE MORTON.XXXXXXXX

another year over.

2008-12-31T06:39:00.001-08:00

WISHING EVERYONE A VERY HAPPY,PEACEFUL,AND PROSPEROUS 2009.

2008 has been a mix of good and bad. we lost jland.but we found blogspot.ok,it will never be the same but we are still here,still writng our hopes,our fears.sharing with others our lives and sharing in theirs.many of us found facebook,bebo,yearbook,so many other networking sites.new friends made. and sadly for some,friends and loved ones lost.emma in particular affected me more than even her mum knows.not that i am scared i will go like that,it is very rare for that to happen,but lucy umderstands.and lucy,you are one of the best things to come out of 2008,thankyou for your friendship.and nagging.lol.

For myself 2008 was strange.i finally accepted the MS,finally claimed all i was, and have been,entitled too,then had a bloody heart attack to round the year off.typical.lol.mum continues in reasonable health,her arthritis is bad,her gout comes and goes,thankfully not quite as bad as it was.she is getting more and more forgetful bless her.worryingly forgetful.but she is 88 on january 3rd.and she is allowed to be a bit forgetful at times.while i can i shall remain her carer.she is content i think,and hope. i have a new car to look forward to,i signed the papers yesterday and it should be here soon.i have made many new friends this year.thanks to you all,and may you all find peace and happiness in your own lives.take care all

sick talk

2008-12-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

As many of you know i was in hospital for a week recently,where i received wonderful care from some lovely and caring people.nurses,doctors,even the ladies who brought the meals round,all dedicated,all friendly. now,bearing in mind i was rushed in having a heart attack i didnt have a lot of time to get things together to take,pam as i have said kindly visited me and took me fresh clothes.my mother bless her was in a state,naturally,and wanted to keep in touch with me.now,at each bedside in that and just about every other hospital in england,are televisision screens with a built in telephone.you either purchase cards to put in,from £5 upwards,or you use a credit or debit card to purchase credit.in my case i put on £20 which gave me television for a week and £10 on my personal phone for making calls. calls cost 10p a minute to make.not too bad is it?? well i used that £10,and Pam,bless her heart,put me another 20 on,making £30 in all.i used the lot nearly in a week.on top of that,mum was ringing me quite often,she was lonely and wanted to chat.now i pay my telephone bill through talk talk,along with AOL,american friends please note,aol uk split from the main AOL sometime ago,we go it alone lol,although we still use much of the system.this is paid every month through my credit card.the phone calls usually come to around £6 a month,not counting the line rental to BT.so yesterday i got my credit card statement,i was prepared for a shock,and i got it. instead of the £6 or so,my calls for the month came to over £75.that week in hospital cost me £70 on phonecalls,on top of the 30 i spent myself.Pam later told me her phonebill was over 46 for ringing me,and she only rung once a day,my friend angela spent 20.all in all i estimate for one week in hospital,phonecalls cost a total of over £200.£30 a day.which is a bloody rip off.i also used my mobile for txting,wish i had used it for calls.been a tenth of the price.now,when you are lying in bed,ill,you dont have any visitors,which i didnt,you get fed up,and you just want to hear a friendly voice,and to charge a double whammy,both on making the call from the hospital,and on receiving the call at the other end is a bit much.i know the technology to provide the service has to be charged for,and it is done through a private firm,but these prices are disgusting.so be warned.if you,or your loved ones have to stay in hospital,be aware of the hidden price of keeping in touch.
Wendy was kind enough to say she thought i had done a lovely tribute to Emma,so i am pleased.if she had any reservations at all i would have deleted the entry.thanks to all who commented on it.it made me cry writing it.

Well.christmas is all over,i do hope you all had good ones.i had a lovely day,so did mum.now we look forward to a new year.can i just take this oppurtunity to wish everyone a really peaceful,happy,pain free 2009.take care all

lives cut short. what MS can do.

2008-12-26T15:32:00.000-08:00

IN MEMORY OF A BRAVE YOUNG LADY.

EMMA LOUISE HORWOOD,who fell asleep 11th November,2008,aged 21.

Thanks to Emmas mum Wendy for allowing me the privilege to show Emma as she was before MS ravaged her young body. A lovely,vibrant happy young lady.Wemdys only daughter.Whose life should have been one filled with laughter,and fun. Then along came MS.how and why Emma contracted it is still a mystery,as it is with everyone who is diagnosed with it.For some,like myself it can cause us the misery of pain,of fatigue,of dizzyness,weakness in limbs,loss of vision, it can cause embarassment of speech difficultys,of a loss of bladder control,and other complaints of a personal nature. but we survive.in fact for many Ms is often hardly noticed.every so often it "flares up",we get pain,problems,then it subsides. but sometimes it turns vicious.as happened to poor emma.She was just 17 when she was diagnosed,and because she was so young the disease was much more aggressive,in the 4 years she had left,that beautiful young lady was transformed.

It attacked her central nervous system,leaving emma needing a wheelchair,unable to walk. still enjoying her cigs though.lol.and her boyfriends love never faltered in all the time she was ill.

As the disease took hold,gradually Emma became confined to her bed,and eventually she was to become completely paralised,fed through a tube into her stomach,unable to talk,but she never lost that lovely smile.

I know from speaking to Wendy how this girl fought,chest infection after chest infection,( the main cause of death in MS sufferers) caused her to weaken.Emma had made a living will,after having to be resuscitated in hospital she determined she would never want that to happen again.She wanted to die at home.surrounded by her possessions,and her mothers,grandmothers,and boyfriends love. She made it to her 21st birthday.Wendy gave her a lovely day to remember. i still remember the birthday cake,we had 2 lots sent us by Wendy.bless you love.best cake ive ever eaten.made by one of Emmas carers.

Soon after her 21st,Emma started to get even more chest infections,anti-biotics didn't have any effect.As her mum said,it was as though she had decided it was time. She died on the 11th,November at around 1am. so why have i featured Emma so much? these photos were sent to me by her grieving mother wendy,who has become a great and lovely friend.she has helped me with my own demons,my fear of what Ms can,and perhaps will,do to me.her devotion to Emma has been a joy to see,and my heart goes out to you Wendy love. Emma deserves our admiration.NOT PITY.i dont think she ever would want pity.but she deserves to be remembered.

Also affected by the death of a beloved son is my second mom Lucy, What is left of a whole new life.her son Alan also died from complications caused by an extremely aggressive form of the disease.I had planned on adding his photos as well,but Lucy love,i am too close to alans age.i can't somehow bring myself to do it. so instead perhaps those of you who don't read her journal will go and visit.and read back.she has done her own tribute and remembrance of the son she loved.and lost so cruelly. No mother should lose their child.whatever the age of that child.in lucys case alan was in his 40s. in Wendys case,Emma was her only child. both mothers.both grieve.so should we.

Those of you reading this, many of your friends,relatives,loved ones,may have MS.many people have it with little or no side effects,only being found out during an autopsy after death. To put it in perspective,there are thought to be around 180,000 sufferers of MS in the UK alone,with maybe half as many again who have it but have no symptoms.Emma and Alan were so unlucky to have a type that took over and ravaged their nervous systems. May they rest in peace,and may a cure be found soon. It may be your son or daughter one day who needs it. I make no apologies for writing this entry.it is done out of my respect and admiration of Emma and my deep fondness for here mother Wendy.As i have for Lucy,who is always there for me when i need her. Thanks to both of you for sharing your memories and your love for your children.

MAY EMMA AND ALAN BOTH HAVE FOUND PEACE AND FREEDOM FROM PAIN.God bless them both.take care all.

hale n hearty. sort of

2008-12-23T15:48:00.000-08:00

well,many thanks first of all.i have had so many comments and emails,even the odd get well card,its very kind of you all to be so concerned. so,how do i feel? well apart from the odd angina twinge when i have done too much,which is soon abated by the nitro spray i always carry,pretty good considering. i went to my drs yesterday to discuss my MS tablets,as one of them warns of an increased risk of heart problems,luckily it meant the heart rate,so i am ok. dr.M apologised and said the ECG the surgery took,gave no indication i was having such a massive heart attack as i had,and that had he had any idea he would have called for the ambulance to go straight to the surgery.said from the report i am very lucky to be alive. hopefully that will be the end of any problems. i must say i feel ok,and am carrying on life as normal.

One good piece of news,i have been awarded mobility allowance at long last,even got some back dated money so christmas is a bit nicer. i have decided to take a car in lieu of the money,and am getting a new Ford Fiesta 3 door,1.25 petrol.should be here in 3 weeks. they just take your mobility allowance and the car is yours,every 3 years they allow you to change it for a new one. it payed to appeal to the tribunal. but it does make me annoyed that i and many more disabled,have to resort to having to appeal to get this money.in my case,3 appeals.but at least i did get it.

since i have been home i have been taking things easy,and we are looking forward to christmas day. now normally i take old B up the road his christmas dinner,but i arent this year. he told me he was fine,and not to bother.and as he didnt even bother to come and see my mum when i was in hospital,or ring her to see if she was ok,that is fine with me. the spirit of christmas? no,i know,but i really dont care.

it has been a year since i was diagnosed with MS,december 20th the anniversary.how fast this year has flown by.sadly some lovely people have passed on this year,and one,emma,in particular affected me badly. the next entry i do,is going to be a tribute to those who have been less fortunate than myself with their MS.Emmas mum,my dear friend Wendy,sent me a copy of Emmas funeral service,with a lovely photo of what emma looked like before the ravages of Ms took hold.she has given me permission to use them,as has my lovely friend Lucy,whos beloved son alan has been dead for 16 years. i am going to do it so those who have no idea can see just what this evil disease does. so far i am lucky. i shall try to make it a fitting tribute to 2 lovely people. sometime over the next week or so.

lastly,can i wish all my friends and readers,A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS,AND A JOYOUS AND PEACEFUL NEW YEAR. thanks for reading this journal.and for giving me the chance to know you all through your own writings. take care all.

whole hearted thankyous

2008-12-10T05:56:00.000-08:00

Last tuesday i had the misfortune,putting it mildly,to suffer a massive heart attack. i hadn't been feeling well for several days,pains in my left arm,a "tight" feeling in my chest,sweaty.so on monday i had rung my Drs surgery to make an appointment for the following afternoon. Tuesday morning i went over to my friend pams and took her to her dr at Melton Constable for a check up on her knee.she has had a replacement operation and was due to have it checked. i felt lousy so after dropping her at hers i drove home. realising something was wrong,i decided to go up our local hall,as my dr.comes here every tuesday and friday. i was first in to see him,and after examining me,he asked me to go to Wells health centre,some 4 miles away to have an ECG trace done.by this time i was in severe pain.i got to the surgery,explained at reception and was called into the nurses room.she wired me up,read the trace,said i think dr.M should see this.he soon arrived back,looked at the ECG and asked if i felt able to drive home.he would arrange for an ambulance to come and take me to hospital. so i drove,another 4 miles back home.now,by this time i was literally screaming in pain.the last 2 miles i just dont remember doing.i got home,parked the car,staggered indoors.(already having rung and warned my poor mum i was going into hospital,) and co;;apsed on the ground.agony.a tight band wound round my chest,my arms were on fire,i couldnt get any air into my lungs.i managed to grab a few things together to take with me,and just prayed.because i really thought i was going to die.mum was frantic,our friend brian pulled up,alerted by mums phone call,at the same time as the paramedic.mr.cool himself lol.no worries old mate,said he,shoving a bloody great canula in my hand,we will soon stop the pain.morphine injected.and...................sod all relief.i was yelling by this time.the big ambulance then pulled up,and 2 very nice ambulance personell came trotting in.paper work sorted,i was whisked in a wheelchair to the waiting ambulance,and away we roared.30 miles to the Norfolk and Norwich hospital.i was given more morphine on the way by the medic but it just didnt do any good.they had radioed ahead,and as we stopped at the door of the Coronary Care Unit,we were met by 2 nurses and a doctor,i was transferred to a bed,wired up to monitors,all calm,professional,wonderful care.within 5 minutes a dr.explained"morton,you are having a massive heart attack,another 30 minutes and you will be dead,so i am injecting you with a clot busting drug to break up the blockage causing the awful pain,there are possible side effects,but if i dont,you are going to die".no contest lol.within 5 minutes i started to feel easier,as the pain slowly subsided.within 20 minutes i was relatively pain free.i had to lay quietly for 3 hours,and was then moved to a side room.after 2 days i was moved to the main ward.on monday i was given an agiogram,and as luckily i had the "main man" as one of the nurses said lol,the damage to the artery was repaired,and a stent put in then and there. i was allowed home yesterday,tuesday.a week to the day. MY GRATEFUL THANKS TO THE WONDERFUL DOCTORS AND NURSES,AND ALL THE STAFF OF THE NORFOLK AND NORWICH HOSPITAL. AND TO THE PARAMEDICS AND AMBULANCE STAFF.

Finally. my heartfelt thanks to jeannette for her updates on me.for all my friends on blogspot,facebook,the 50s romance chatroom,angela for ringing me,bless you hun.bernie, as well as nina,who actually tried to visit,but due to a virus at the hospital wasnt allowed in,and my lovely,special friend lyn. you never forget me hun.and im honoured to call you my friend, you always think of me.THANKYOU ALL FOR YOUR KIND WISHES. TAKE CARE ALL,MORT.

thanksgiving wishes

2008-11-27T11:25:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL MY FRIENDS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, thanks for all you kind comments,your friendship,and your encouragement.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Take care all mort

scanned

2008-11-20T15:45:00.000-08:00

well,thats over with.i got to Norwich hospital at 3pm and was lucky enough to get called straight in,the lady that was being scanned had had to have a dye injected,and there was a wait for it to work.so i was straight in for mine. anyone doesnt know,Magnetic Resonance Imaging scanners are like a tunnel. you are slid in,and it is not a nice procedure. god help you if you are claustrophobic, i didnt think i was until i had my first one. the roof of said "tunnel" is about 6 to 9 inches away from your nose. you get to know the patterns in the plastic very well. i was in the corpse position lol.on my back arms crossed,with the "panic button" they give you to hold in case you feel ill in there and want to get out fast. ear plugs in. the scan "bit" across my head first,then repositioned after the frst scan done. scans last from 14 minutes,the first,8 mins.second,and the last 4 minutes. imagine being in a tin roofed shed with a massive hail storm going on. similar drumming noise. andf you have to keep still. as i get acid reflux if i lay flat,i have to keep trying to swallow,and its bloody hard to keep still and do that. at last it was over,slid out into the light again. all in all i was in and out in 45 minutes. very good indeed. the results will be sent to my consultant,and he will see me on my next appointment with him in january. which is why he wanted the scan done. so he can see how things look. anyway,i got home at 5 and the lovely lady,carol,from Crossroads carers was still with mum,she had said she would keep with her however late i was. she is the carer who comes in now on a thursday afternoon to allow me my time off. which i still have to actually have lol. at least if i dont want,or cant afford to go out i can go to bed. its funny,when she first came 3 or 4 weeks ago and introduced herself,we realised we used to live 4 doors away from each other at Melton Constable,and in fact her parents still live in the same house lol. small world. she is a lovely carer,in the true sense of the word. think tracey could learn a thing or 2 from carol. on a sadder note,it was Emmas funeral today. i can add that she died peacefully with her mother ,grandmother and boyfriend at her bedside. may she find peace. take care all

awarded but refused

2008-11-19T12:54:00.000-08:00

Yasmin kindly nominated me for the real people real blogs award. thankyou. but i cant accept it yasmin. sorry. im not feeling well, i cant concentrate, and i just cant. sorry. im supposed to nominate 7 more,show links,picture,i just cant do it at the moment.lucy,pamal3,indigo,those are 3 i would have picked.just cant be motivated enough to do it. i have a lot on my mind and just dont want any more. ive got to have an MRI scan tomorrow. i saw the MS nurse today,and she got in touch with consultant.apparently he had wanted me to have scan weeks ago,wasnt happy i hadnt had one,pulled some strings and result. scan tomorrow. all i can think of,is how much change is there? and my mum is scaring me. she really is getting worse. she keeps forgetting things. is so vague. please dont think im not grateful yasmin love. i am. i just cant comply with the rules that come with it. take care all

a life cut short through MS.Tribute to a brave young lady.

2008-11-11T11:58:00.000-08:00

IN MEMORY OF A BRAVE YOUNG LADY,EMMA.

WHO DIED THIS MORNING.

Some of you may remember a few months ago i asked Jland to pray for Emma,who was seriously ill with a chest infection.she managed to overcome that one,but sadly she caught several more after. She slipped into a coma yesterday,and died at 1am this morning. Her poor mother wendy is in my thoughts.

Emma was just 21 years old. She was diagnosed with MS at the age of just 17. because of her young age,unfortunately she got the most aggressive,progressive form of this evil disease. she has been bedridden for some time now,paralised,fed through a tube,unable to barely talk. JUST 21. She had no chance,her immune system couldn't cope,even with all the anti-biotics the doctor prescribed and gave her. I haven't asked her mothers permission to post this entry,i hope she wont mind. I make no apologies if i upset any of my readers. This girl,young lady rather,WAS JUST 21. She should have had her whole life in front of her. A career. A family of her own. FUN. the things we all expect children,teenagers,young people to have. Her life has been cut short by the same disease i have,and that which was the cause of death of my dear friend Lucys beloved son Alan. M S. EMMA WAS JUST 21.

Remember her in your thoughts,pray for her mother Wendy if you so wish. And also pray,that a cure for this most awful of diseases is found sometime soon.

REST IN PEACE EMMA

Take care all.from a deeply saddened mort.i cried today for her.

LEST WE FORGET

2008-11-09T02:42:00.000-08:00

IN FLANDERS FIELDS THE POPPIES BLOW

BETWEEN THE CROSSES,ROW ON ROW

THAT MARK OUR PLACE,AND IN THE SKY

THE BIRDS,STILL BRAVELY SINGING,FLY

SCARCE HEARD AMID THE GUNS BELOW.

WE ARE THE DEAD.SHORT DAYS AGO

WE LIVED,FELT DAWN,SAW SUNSET GLOW,

LOVED,AND WERE LOVED,AND NOW WE LIE.

IN FLANDERS FIELDS

TAKE UP OUR QUARREL WITH THE FOE.

TO YOU FROM FAILING HANDS WE THROW

THE TORCH BE YOURS TO HOLD IT HIGH,

IF YOU BREAK FAITH WITH US WHO DIE

WE SHALL NOT SLEEP,THOUGH POPPIES GROW.

IN FLANDERS FIELDS.

( John McCrae )

On the 11th hour,of the 11th day,of the 11th month 90 years ago,peace finally came.

In every village,town,city across the United Kingdom you can see them.War memorials. filled with the names of those who fell in the War to end all Wars. only a tiny handful are left who remember that awful time. WE MUST NEVER FORGET THOSE WHO DIED.

63 years ago,World War 2 finally came to an end. the dead from that conflict are also remembered on the memorials. again,every year,fewer remain who remember what it was like. WE MUST NEVER FORGET THOSE WHO DIED.

The Falkland war. so many,many more since then. Iraq,and Afghanistan now, whatever we think of these conflicts,whatever the rights and wrongs. WE MUST NEVER FORGET THOSE WHO HAVE DIED PROTECTING THE WEAK,THE POWERLESS,THE OPRESSED.

May God heal those who are ill,give comfort to those who grieve,bring peace to those who are conflicted,and ease the pain of all who are suffering.

Let our hands join in friendship,not in anger.

May all nationalities learn to live side by side as kindly neighbours,may there now be peace all over the world. Amen

with grateful thanks to my friend sybil for the email she kindly sent me.

Take care all

death of a journal birth of a new

2008-11-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

well,thanks to jeannettes and others help caring n sharing just went to that great blog scrap heap. never to be seen again. this one ( as i DO hope ya noticed ) has had a make over a wash and brush up. my tags are back. no,not all of them,i will add some more as i want. done away with the microsoft/apple news widget, spruced things up. and now its my journal again. not blog. this is a journal. feels right now. daft? maybe.

So. does this mean mort is back to his old self? no not really. but more optimistic. and the black journal is also back. the one you lovely readers will never see. dont bother trying to peep lol. A) its private,B) its not in this name. why do it again? because sometimes i need to write things down,to get them straight in my head. and couple things are not for public view.

death of jland was sad. i got attached to that journal/this journal.didnt feel like learning new procedures all over again. but i think i have got the hang of this a bit better now. we will see.in the meantime,i shall just say thanks to all my friends,both on here,face and yearbooks,tagged,chatroom,wherever and whoever you are,this journal just came back to life. hope you are going to stay around. take care all

this time i got the right one lol. and more tragedy

2008-11-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

again i did it. posted to caring n sharing. anyone know how you delete a journal on blogspot please email me, mortonlake@aol.com thanks. it needs to go. anyway,for those who missed it i posted an entry concerning the passing of a neighbour,mrs.W 97,found dead in her house alone. that night i heard noise from next door,sheila was making a hell of a nois,doors banging,and a car roaring off. when i went ot late at night as i usually do,to take a walk and have a last ciggy, ok i know, still smoking,dont nag, i saw her husbands van wasnt there. i had heard there had been a car accident earlier in the evening on the narrow road he travels on,and something told me he was in trouble.
sure enough my mobile rang next day at lunch time,it was sheila. aubrey had been in the car accident and was seriously ill in Addenbrooks hospital,with brain damage and assorted fractures. she is staying there until she knows how he is. spoke to her yesterday,he was in theatre again. very poorly indeed. those of you who do,please pray for him. he needs it.
apparently he was following another car,quite foggy so neither going too fast,and a car came round the corner,on the wrong side of the road, the car in front swerved out onto other side of road,and the car hit aubrey head on. he had to be cut from the wreckage of his van, the driver who hit him was bloody drunk. and walked without a scratch. another life possibly ruined by drink driving. still people dont learn you cant drink and drive. i feel so sorry for sheila,they havent been married long. in my thoughts love.xx

Thursdays is now officially MY DAY OFF. i am supposed to go out,do what i want,get away. mum has carer to come in and sit with her from 2 til 5 also the agency that provides tracy,different from the other ones, are supposed to come and get mum a cuppa and something for her lunch. not hard i dont think?? 15 minutes has been allocated. so yesterday,i didnt feel well,my swallowing not good,im a bit chesty,it was wet,cold,lousy. tracy is suddenly having a day off on thursdays once a fortnight,and yesterday was one of those days. so we had a lay in, i did breakfast and we had an easy morning. i just nipped over to pams,had to take her to doctors, the knee joint she had done is doing well. got home at 12,said to mum we will let the carer come and see to lunch while i am here so i could show her where everything is,have a cupa with us,etc. mum had already been phoned by the agency tha day before to be told tina wouldnt be there to get her lunch til 1.45 bloody late. but ok,tracy away,understand that. and i would leave mum a sandwich to have when she wanted. neither of us eat much at lunchtimes,i cook evening meal,we have a good breakfast. anyway,when i got home mum said, they arent coming to give me lunch. tina went off sick,so no-one is available. now it didnt matter yesterday. i was home. but another week it WILL matter. carol,the absolutely wonderful lady carer came at 2 and was shocked. i shall be writing to my social worker and complain. that firm is bloody useless. they have NO, i shall repeat that, NO relief carers. if a carer goes off sick,or has a holiday,they expect other carers to cover. we met an ex employee who tracy brought round earlier this year to show the ropes to,in the supermarket today. she told us she left after 2 months,she couldnt stick it. they tried to shove a load of extra calls onto her nearly every day. think it explains the slapdash care mother gets from tracy these days,she was 11 minutes giving mum a shower tuesday,drying and dressing her. i am getting very very peed off with the lot of them. caring is NOT a job,its not getting a job done as quickly as possible and buggering off onto the next,as fast as we can. its about caring for your client,chatting,making sure he/she is ready to face the day. unfortunately its money driven. the more "jobs" they can fit in,with the fewest staff equals the most profit. my mum is a number,not a person in their eyes. we shall see. thanks to all my friends for your comments. i feel a lot better. depression takes some shifting,i do have bad days. MS makes me depressed. but i am still going to be around. take care all