3 years on.

3 YEARS?Oooops.really meant to post before.i really did.but I didn't,lol.
So why now,after all this time?i don't know to be honest,just been really down just lately,and this blog was always there when I was low,even if there aren't any followers now,this is more for me.
  After mum died,6 years next month,life changed in such a big way,i moved,to Briston,only a mile from where I used to live before Stiffkey,a nice little 1 bed semi-detached bungalow,used to have a warden and alarm system,those went long ago,but its nice here,got friends fairly near to me.
  The damn MS has got worse,not terrible,just more unsteady,anginas bad,backs still as bad as it was,but now I also have rheumatoid arthritis .(I never did do things by half) and that is vile.walking is a pain,and I do mean that literally.  My dear friend from the AOL days,Helen,reminded me the other day we met in a chatroom on AOL,16 years ago .so I have been online 20 odd years,seems like yesterday.I miss those chatrooms,met so many dear friends,and we all missed Jland,our AOL Journals,where this blog was born.
  I have been off AOL for years,im now with Sky after a long while with BT,but I still use my old AOL Email .old habits.like so many of us I use Facebook,even with all the scams and crap its a good way to keep in touch. a lot of my old followers are on my friends list,and its good to know you all.
    Am I going to keep blogging? no idea,i hadn't planned on doing this post being honest,i was just feeling a bit sorry for myself.I am going to go and explore,ive not been on here for so long.
     Wishing everyone a safe and happy week ahead, take care all xx

3 YEARS ON

yeah it really is me.i thought I had finished with this blog,but it hasn't finished with me somehow.i did start a new one,but it wasn't right.so here I am.doubt I have anyone still here?no matter.
so,3 years have gone since mum died.3 years this month.how it has flown.i am now living in a 1 bedroomed semidetached bungalow.used to be warden controlled,with a warden on site.now,we have emergency pull cords if we need help.i am in Briston,close to friends.still see my ex.not sure if its 3rd time lucky,but we are close friends.both volunteering for the MS society,at our day centre.i am the transport manager,looking after 3 vehicles.am I happy?not really,suffer from depression,the damn MS is far worse,i have had several falls,also the gout wont go,its nasty.i suppose I am content,as much as is possible.still miss mum,still miss being a carer.it gave me a purpose.i am on facebook most nights,but I miss AOL,happy times.i made good friends in their chatrooms.and of course Jland.who doesn't?i am now 63,and feel it.every day seems a srtruggle.
somehow I missed most of you who I used to follow on here.
so,3 years on,much has   changed,some good,but I don't like being alone.and I feel so alone at times.wishing you all peaceful days,warm nights,and much love and laughter in your lives.and PLEASE,be nice to each other,take care all,Mort xxxx

R.I.P.Herrad Ford

Another friend lost from the ravages of MS,please remember with me our dear friend Herrad,whose blog Access denied,living with MS has been an inspiration to myself and to so many others with the damn evil disease.For those of you who did not know her please visit her blog,

http://accessdenied-livingwithms.blogspot.co.uk/

 I first came across this blog,just after I was diagnosed.Richie her husband/carer and her were both kind enough to leave comments on my blog after I posted,especially if I was having a bad time with the MS,and Richie as a carer understood a lot of my concerns with caring for mum.
 she succumbed to a chest infection/pneumonia aggravated by her MS.which is killed by MS as far as I am concerned.
I am deeply upset,and I ask you to remember Richie in your thoughts,and for those of you who do,prayers.Keep strong mate.Herrad was an amazing,brave lady.I am posting this here rather than my new blog,as it seemed fitting,i will also get Guido to copy to Silent Keyboards please.i cant for some reason,blogspot does not like windows 10.thankyou for reading,take care all,Mort

A NEW PLACE TO BE

My new blog,MortS New home,is now up and running.well,more stumbling and tripping,bit like this,only more bare.got to decorate still.the new address is http://mortsnewhome.blogspot.co.uk which I hope is going to come up as a link.i may still post on here about mums life,about caring.for the news about MY journey,i will see you all soon.take care all,Mort

A NEW START,an old me

Remember me?I used to blog.quite often.then life changed.and I suppose I changed.decided I didn't want,or need,to post to my blog any more.And ive missed you all.had a lot of problems getting on here,much less posting.we will see where this goes.bear with me ok?kinda rusty here.
 So,whats been happening?well,I have moved,from Stiffkey,to Briston,in a 1 bedroom bungalow.sheltered housing with alarms in each room.no garden,the grass surrounding us is kept mowed by the housing association.heating is communal,oil fired central heating,costs me over £25 a week,and with the care we have to pay for,it is expensive.but I was being hit at the old house with this damn bedroom tax,i had to buy oil,electric a lot more expensive,etc.all in all,pretty much evens out over the year.the main reason I moved is I am near my friends,Julie,Pam,and not so far from my mate Kev.also I am close to shops,bus routes,drs,a lot better.and of course I am now only 3 miles from where I was born,and mum is buried.i feel safe here.i had a couple of real nasty falls at the old house,least here I can call for help.i don't feel so isolated,and I am content.
 I am a volunteer for my local branch of the MS Society,and our day centre,LAMS,we run on a Monday.in fact I am named as transport manager,and run the transport,(we have 2 of our own mini busses and a car) with my ex.errr yeah,same ex I was briefly back with,lol.long story,lets just say,we are close,good friends,and that's fine with me.I make sure the vehicles are serviced,lifts overhauled,MOTs,etc.and Myra looks after the passenger side of things,sorts our volunteer drivers,etc.we make a good team,and with the help from the other committee members and our team of helpers we have a really popular day centre for our members to enjoy.
 My MS continues to evolve,a bit worse,my eyes have problems,balance is bad,pains bloody vile,but there are so many that are so much worse than me.i am not complaining.the angina is bad,in fact I should have had an Angiogram yesterday,got to Hospital early,sat in a small day room from 11.10am right up to 1.50pm.when a very harassed looking nurse came in and told me and 3 others waiting that the procedures we were waiting for had been cancelled.sorry,emergencies had come in,and we would be sent new dates.thanks to Pam for taking me in,Julie for coming after me.right waste of time,and petrol.but theres no point in making a fuss.i was an emergency case once.
 Gout continues to be a problem,something Mum left me with,along with arthritis in fingers.thats nasty,but again,so many people suffer so much more.
 All in all I am content,yes sometimes depression rears its head,i wish the pain was less.i wish many things.but life goes on.
 I think this is the last post on this blog.caring and sharing as a title is a bit redundant,although I do still care about my friends,i am no longer a Care giver.
 So I think I may well start a NEW blog.after all,i do have a NEW BEGINNING.I hope if I do you will come along for the ride,take care all,Mort xxx and THANKS TO ALL THOSE ON FACEBOOK WHO STILL COMMENT AND CARE ABOUT ME ON THERE.

I AM SO SORRY,I AM NOT ON HERE VERY MUCH,AFTER MY MUM DIED IVE JUST BEEN SO BUSY.SO MUCH TO SORT.and yeah,i also get depressed.that don't help.i am having grief counselling,MS society have their own,i had a lot of guilt to get rid of.my mum had got so bad with dementia,i was finding it such a job to cope.then she died.and I miss her.even how she was.and I now have more time.i am back with my girlfriend,and we are happy,i can go over and see her so much more than I could before,ive just been co-opted onto our MS committee,i can help in a small way with transport duties,helps my friend knowing I am able to be there for her,things people take for granted.but I couldn't do before.and yes,i am enjoying that.still horrible waking up to an empty house.i am lucky I have good friends.heard from heart specialist today,the scan at Papworth shows damage to heart,but no new narrowing.so angina is probably stress related.keeping on with tablets.i have not heard about the biopsy I had done on my ear,so no news,is good news.i was sure it was just sun damage,so they are huge reliefs to me.everyone,i wish us all,pain free nights,peaceful days,take care all.thanks for listening,mort xxxxx

5 WEEKS THAT CHANGED MY WORLD

 MY MUM,ANGELA JEAN LAKE DIED LAST THURSDAY THE 22ND OF AUGUST,AGED 92.SHE DIED IN KELLING HOSPITAL.a small cottage hospital.12 miles from me.they rang to say she was unlikely to live much longer,did I want to go and be with her.i said yes,my friend rushed over to pick me up.as she pulled up,hosptal rang back.too late.she had gone.too late.
 So,why the title??5 weeks??well,5 weeks before,on the Thursday the 21st of July,my mum was fine.she was eating well,we had been out that Tuesday,she was vague at times,dementia was bad BUT she was pretty well in herself.then came Friday the 22nd.she had her breakfast as usual,carer came to wash her.we had new carers,a new care package in place,and she liked the girls.the carer washed her,and helped mum to dress,and she came through on frame as always.all normal.just another Friday.but the countdown had started,about 10am mum started to feel sick,and was,violently shortly after,she continued throughout that day.in the end couldn't keep water down.i rang 111,the new number we have for non emergency cases.( I SO WISH NOW I HAD DIALLED 999)  when you ring that number,or use your own Drs number out of hours it goes to triage.a call centre,who ask various questions to determine the seriousness of the situation.in the end I was told a doctor would ring me.this was at 6pm.at 7 a doctor DID ring.and agreed mum needed to see a doctor ASAP.and one would be with me shortly.at 10pm,still no Dr.so I rang again.again triage.again questions.couldnt understand why I hadn't had a visit.promised I would hear within a short while.at 11,knock on the door.emergency Dr.he examined mum.gave her injection to stop her being sick.and left.i went to bed at 12,mum was sleeping.peace.UNTIL.......1.20am my phone rang.IT WAS THE EMERGENCY DR,RINGING ME FROM THE SECOND CALL I HAD MADE.OVER 3 HOURS AFTER I HAD MADE IT.i explained  we had had call.very curt indian Dr.just rang off.back to sleep for me.
 Saturday,mum was not too good,ate very little,kept in bed as I went shopping,but seemed a lot better.
Sunday,she had a cup of tea,and vomited it straight back up.that was 8am.she was sick all morning.i rang the damn emergency number.again.triage.again.need to speak to dr.again.finally got rang at 2.15.yes a dr would be along shortly.5pm he turned up.indian dr from night before I assume,very brusque.briefly examined mum,oh yes,she seems to be constipated.stomach distended.gave mum ANOTHER injection.then left.sadly this time it had no effect.she continued to be sick all through that night.not much at a time,nothing inside her.but sick.i was exhausted.so was she.
Monday I rang my own surgery.dr.M was on holiday.so the lady dr there on call.i was told,cant it wait til after surgery??as I was ringing,the carer came.she went and saw mum,came through said let me talk to surgery.mum was  drifting in and out of consciousness all the while by this time.i was in tears.Della told surgery in her opinion,and she had been a nurse over 25 years,mum needed a dr.NOW. she came out in 10 minutes.bit put out at being called out,but della soon put her in her place.explained that mum was drifting,dr said she seems ok to me,and............oh shes gone asleep.came through to me,said,ok,im sorry,your mum needs to go to hospital,ordered ambulance.non emergency one,no blue lights.and one arrived within 2 hours.
NOTE,I TOLD THE NICE LADY  AMBULANCE ESCORT MUM HAS DEMENTIA.WAS SCARED OF GOING INTO A HOME,WAS CONFUSED.WROTE IT ALL DOWN.
mum was taken to the Norfolk and Norwich Hospital.accident and emergency.i followed in my car.somehow,mainly me using back roads,and warp speed,i got there before her.sat and waited til I was told she had arrived and buzzed through.very busy,but a kind dr went and found her,having ECG and bloods.saw a dr.eventually.sent for Xrays on distended stomach.that showed a blockage of the bowell,probably caused by constipation? she  was taken to low dependency ward.a ward for patients before surgery,minor ops.mum was confused.a foreign,probably Romanian nurse wasn't pleased when I asked if mum could go to toilet.i was told,she can ring bell  and someone will come........I said she has dementia,she wont remember.oh I didn't know.well why don't you read the notes I asked??I left mum at 9pm.i had been there since 11 that morning.no food.mum scared.
next day she was transferred to Docking ward.which should have abandon all hope all ye who enter.i went to visit at 2.until 4/again from 6 until 8.and I did that EVERY  DAY FOR 4 WEEKS.ITS A ROUND TRIP OF 76 MILES FROM MINE. EVERY DAY.after 3 weeks,the blockage was supposed to be clear.unpleasant procedures had to be done to remove the constipation.
mum wasn't eating much,food was VILE.her dementia had worsened.she was ignored,tea in a big mug just dumped in front of her.her hands couldn't grip the damn handle.if I wasn't there,it got left.as did her food.after 3 weeks GOD SPAKE TO HER.well the consultant obviously THOUGHT he was God.he told his retinue of followers,oh shes clinically well,she can go home.mum thought she was coming home.
they rang my care providers.told them angela is ok,go in tonight and care,we sending her home in hospital car,and you can look after her tonight as usual and.............WHOAAA said Claire,the acting manager.i want to speak to nurse in charge.oh that's not necessary,shes ok and...........I WANT TO SPEAK TO NURSE  NOW.
tell me said Claire,angela.is she mobile???well no,shes been in bed all this while,we have to turn her every 3 hours   Well,before all this,.she could get through to lounge,and back using frame.oh said nurse.i didn't know that.is she continent???well,no,shes had catheter in,so she wont be continent,,,,,,,,,,,well she went to toilet normally,before this,oh says nurse,can she hold herself up by arms??oh no,shes too weak,and................HOW ON EARTH CAN MY GIRLS CARE FOR ANGELA LIKE THAT??AND YOU WANT TO SEND THE POOR LADY HOME?NO EQUIPMENT?she refused point blank.thank god for good carers.
first I knew was when I got there at 2.im going home says mum.yes mum,course,very soon,when youre better and.......SHE IS,says lady in next bed.I HEARD HIM SAY SO.i went and founf ward sister.bit abrupt.your mother is well enough to be discharged  but your care company refused.i know Claire well enough to know something was wrong.so I rang.she was in tears nearly as she told me all that had gone on.i had to tell a very sad mum she wasn't going home.not yet
I rang social services next morning,got them to put a protection order on my mum,so she couldn't be  discharged without their permission.O.T.and physio to check her,assess. oh they LOVE those assessments.little S**T of a Physio asked me,in front of my mum,is she always this vague??DO YOU READ NOTES??ARE YOU TOO IMPORTANT???DONT YOU KNOW SHE HAS DEMENTIA??idiot.no he hadn't read mums notes.NOBODY EVER BLOODY BOTHERED.WHY SHOULD HE?finally,on that Tuesday,i went and saw my Dr.explained to dr.M that I was doing all those miles,and I was exhausted.he rang the hospital,shortly after the O.T. rang to say,mum would be moved to Kelling.then rang me back,oh,it will be Thursday as no bed til then.ok,least she was coming nearer.still not eating,or drinking enough.but hope on horizon.
thursday came,alas no bed,but any day,any hour,i was told.i went up that Thursday,i said to them,YOU WILL TELL ME WHEN MUM MOVES???OF COURSE WE WILL.i promise Mr Lake.it just is impossible you wont be told.my word on that
so on Friday,OF COURSE I RANG TO CHECK.4 BLOODY TIMES I RANG.NO REPLY JUST RANG,AND RANG.SO I WENT UP IN AFTERNOON.I HAD BEEN PROMISED.
got there,went in,round to ward,and............no mum.i went to desk.oh she was discharged this morning at 11am.W H A T?????????????????? IN THAT CASE WHERE IS SHE NOW?????no idea.finally found she had been sent to another unit.i trudged the length and breadth of that damn hospital until I FINALLY  found it.only to be told mum had been sent to Kelling at 2pm.so I wasted all that petrol.kellings only 12 miles from mine. I went to my friends for tea,got to kelling at 6.poor mum.so upset.confused,afraid.no idea where I was.where she was going.
that little hospital tried everything.she was got up,dressed mornings.nurses tried everything to get her to eat.mum told me and pam,ive had enough.i want to go.  she didn't mean home either.
last Thursday pam sat with mum,from 10 am until 6.30..i went in at 1. my mum.so weak now.just curled up in a ball in bed.didnt know us.didnt want to drink.or eat.or talk.MY MUM DIDNT KNOW I WAS THERE.i just burst into tears and sobbed on pams shoulder,i cant see mum die,i don't want to see her die.pam sent me home.rest I have told.
MY MUM,ANGELA JEAN LAKE.BORN 3RD JANUARY,1921.DIED 22ND AUGUST 2013.
5 WEEKS IN HOSPITAL.SCARED.LEFT TO DIE.OUR N.H.S.  I WAS SO PROUD THAT HERE IN THE UK,WE HAVE FREE HEALTH CARE.
SHAME ON US FOR HOW WE TREAT OUR ELDERLY
5 weeks is all it took.5 weeks to kill my mum.
funeral is next Wednesday,4th of September.she will be buried next to my dad.
REST IN PEACE MUM,YOU WERE THE BEST MUM ANY SON COULD EVER HAVE,IT HAS BEEN A PLEASURE AND A PRIVILEGE TO CARE FOR YOU. YOU WERE LOVED.
but you were let down. 5 WEEKS, I am no longer a carer.i miss my mum.thanks for reading,tc xxxx