So,who DOES care???

As i wrote in my last post i had the camera up my nose to check vocal chords.and it bloody hurt.you talk about speedy gonzales,lol.it was shoved up before i could say,will it hu........yep.he looked,said oh. have you been on antibiotics lately??Yes says i.about 10 lots in the last year,keep getting chest infections,why?well,you have got mushrooms growing!!! hey??? thinking of pick your own,lol. apparently i have Thrush growing on my vocal chords.those damn antibiots kill all the good bacteria as well as the bad,result,fungal infection,AKA Thrush.so he said i will write a prescription,go to Pharmacy.now i know the pharmacy. you abandon all hope going there. sure enough it took 45 minutes before i had the tablets.guess?yep,more antibiotics to fight the infection caused by antibiotics. got to go back in 4 weeks time so he can check if it has cleared,and so he can see the vocal chords properly.i didnt get home til 6.my mate took me from his,but next time is later so i will drive myself.oh the joy.a sore nose and nothing to show for it.
Now,as well as MS many of you are aware i also suffer from back trouble,one disc was removed many years ago,and another has burst,thanks to the dear old lady on a mobility scooter who forced me to slip off the pavement kerb 2 years ago.now that disc is really giving me problems,so much so a few weeks ago i went and saw Dr.M,who took one look at me hobbling in with my walking stick,and said,back or MS?back i said.all i did was bend froward to get something out of a cupboard,didnt even go right down,just bent forward.and it went out.and for 3 weeks i was in agony,and nothing eases the pain.no ice,not heat,tablets,nothing helps.he examined me on the couch,said,mort,you really dont have reflexes.lol.i know thanks.and said he would order an MRI scan to be done.the last was 2 years ago.Then i was told i couldnt have an operation on the back due to heart,and being on blood thinners.those have now been finished with long ago,so he wants another scan done to see if an operation to fuse 5 vertebrae is possible,and if it is,will it help?also put me on some new tablets which i had to stop as they made me so sick.did warn me they may. he was right.big time.
So,last week i got a letter from Cromer Hospital,an MRI is being done this thursday evening at 5.50PM. strange time but they are so backlogged with scans they are scanning until 10 at night. Now,i used to go to Myras every week,so i know how long it takes to get there,and bearing in mind it is now holiday time and our roads are full,i knew it will take at least nearly 3 hours travel and scan time.a scan can take up to 45 minutes.so i rang Crossroads carers. carers for carers. Carol comes here every wednesday to allow me some time for myself,often i go to bed or go to mates.now,usually in the past,if i had hospital Sue would let me have my wednesday,by putting the appointment down as a "short break at short notice",ensuring i still got some time off.so,imagine my surprise when i rang them,i will ring you back the girl said,well we had to go out later that day,and we got home to find a message on the answer phone.hello morton,its crossroads,carol can do that thursday,BUT,i am afraid you cannot have the wednesday as well.sorry. best we can do.you are only allowed 3 hours a week now. i thought,well at least mum will have company at night while i am out,and i didnt mind too much.nothing planned for the wednesday.but i did feel a bit down,its nice to have that few hours "me"time.
Anyway,the next morning i rang them,and got Sue.i told her i was ringing to thank them for getting me cover at night,which i know is always difficult and that i was grateful carol was coming,mum likes her a lot.she said,mort,i so wanted to give you your wednesday as well.i just cant do it im sorry. there is no money available for short breaks at the moment.i asked well,what if i had 2 appointments in 1 week?as sue says,many carers can and do have just that problem. i am not the only carer in ill health.she said,if it is an emergency i will make sure you are looked after,but things are really bad.apparently the whole Swifts,night owls,and relief carer situation is under threat from under funding and the savage cuts that have been forced on the local council by the coalition government.and sue told me i may be better off seeing if i can switch to self funding.not going into all the ins and outs of that here.all i will say is that Sue was really upset she couldnt do more for me,but i was just grateful i had cover.she has always been so good to help in the past i am not complaining about her or her staff.they hate this situation.
BUT. as i said,i am not the only carer with ill health. there are many elderly carers,who are caring for middle aged handicapped children,or a senile partner,or even parents,as i care for mum.if the care provision is being cut,and we lose our relief carers,WHO WILL HELP US CARE??Daily it seems as though care home after care home is closing,respite care is being cut,funding is being lost every day. so,just WHO WILL CARE??? not this damn government,or councils.social services have lost huge ammounts off their budgets,money that should be there to help people who need 24 hour care is not available.some can call on other family members,i dont have that to fall back on,i cant rely,nor do i want to have to rely,on neighbours or friends to help me.so,if i did have to have an operation,let us say,on my back,just WHO is going to care for my mum??she gets confused and scared when she has strange carers as it is,if she does not know them she worries.what will happen to her if i cannot carry on??who will look after the many thousands of people just like her?WHO CARES???
THE CARE OF THE ELDERLY AND HANDICAPPED IN THIS COUNTRY IS NOW A DISGRACE.and it is one that is only going to get worse. so ask yourself this,in maybe 5 years time,if YOU or your loved ones need care,either in their own homes,or in a care home,just WHO will care for them?? I and thousands more like me save this country millions in care costs.but at the end of the day...................JUST WHO CARES????? take care all.

summ---er garden pics.if we get that summer.

FRONT BOARDER

FIRST YEAR FOR THESE CARNATIONS,GIVEN A LOVELY SHOW

BUSY LIZZIES AND PETUNIAS,WITH SOME TUBEROUS BGONIAS

AHEM. YES WELL,hangs head in shame,lol. it was cheap ok.very cheap.cost me £5,99,which is around 10 bucks for Lucy and jack,lol.its resin,sun dial as you can see,stands around 4 foot tall.the gnome is a solar light that comes on at night,£3 or 2 for a fiver.cant be bad.same with the ones you can see on the ground,theres 2 that look like rocks and 2 frogs,all 2 for £5.supermarkets are getting the place to go if you want cheap garden lighting.

i do have quite a nice show this year,the weather has been not too bad,dry,so i have had to water,a lot of wind,but not too vicious.

Tomorrow,wednesday i go to Norwich Hospital to Ear,Nose,and Throat for camera down throat.my MS consultant is not convinced my weak voice is all due to the MS so wants vocal chords checked to make sure there is nothing nasty on them.as the camera goes up nostril it is not a particularly pleasant procedure.my mate is going to take me from his,so i dont have to drive so far.I will let you all know the result as soon as i hear.in the meantime i hope summer finally makes its mind up and stays for us all.it is really cool tonight again,about time we got nice warm nights,not that many yet.take care all.

FORGOT THESE ONES,MY PURPLE CLEMATIS,USED TO GROW UP MY SADLY DESTROYED ROSE ARCH.NOW TRAILS ALONG THE RAILINGS.

THIS REPEATED ITSELF AND I CANT REMOVE IT,LOL. THEY ARE GROWING WELL.

IN MEMORY

IN MEMORY OF THOSE PEOPLE KILLED AND INJURED IN THE LONDON BOMBINGS.

6 Years ago today.We will never forget the atrocities committed against innocent men,women,and children.Neither can we forget that this can so easily happen again.

GRATEFUL THANKS ARE DUE FROM ALL OF US TO OUR SECURITY FORCES AND POLICE FOR THE PROTECTION THEY AFFORD US,AND THE DANGERS THEY FACE EVERY DAY. take care all.

FOR ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS

I WISH EVERY ONE OF MY FRIENDS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA A VERY HAPPY 4TH OF JULY.GOD BLESS AMERICA.

I have'nt been reading many blogs lately,the odd one,somehow i just can't get motivated these days.but i try and keep up with those of you on my friends list on Facebook.I shall be posting some pictures of the garden soon,and promise to let you all know what is happening in my life.I will just say i had a lovely surprise when my good friend Jayne came to see me from Cornwall,we had a lovely day in Wells next sea,and it was lovely to meet her after all the time we have been chatting on the net.Hope everyone is keeping as well as can be,will post soon,take care all.

SAD NEWS.

I have already posted on facebooks call for support a short time ago,but i know many of you do not use facebook. i have just heard from my dear friend Margaret over in Northern Ireland,that her beloved sister Sheila just lost her fight against cancer.i know Margaret is devastated at the loss,and i mourn her sisters passing.please pray for Margaret,she is a good friend,who has always been there for me when i was down.thankyou all.

Also,i do not know how many of you saw the article on the young 15 year old terminally ill cancer sufferer Alice in the news? she has just started a new blog,alices bucket list about all the things she wants to do in the time she has left.Alice's Bucket List: Hello :) will take you to her blog.i was humbled to read this amazing girls blog. It puts my problems into a different perspective. please leave a comment for Alice,she deserves it.

And finally,i am sorry i haven't posted lately,or been reading blogs.somehow i lost my way,what with breaking up with my friend,( and yes,we are STILL friends,we speak on phone every week)worry about mum,who is getting very forgetful and vague,and in so much pain with arthritis,not to mention a very nasty septic finger that required a course of antibiotics to shift,my own health problems,MS is bad,and my back is making me very depressed and down.All came together recently and i just had enough. money worries do not help either i may add.I hope i can put the past behind me now and move on,so hopefully more posts will be appearing soon.Thanks to Lucy,Herrad,and Beth,and of course Guido for keeping in touch with me,and indeed many more of you have sent emails and messages asking how i am,very kind of you all.

FOR ALL THOSE IN PAIN,SUFFERING THE LOSS OF LOVED ONES,THE SICK,TERMINALLY ILL,AND THOSE WHO ARE SAD AND DEPRESSED,MAY YOU ALL FIND PEACE,and for those who believe,let us pray that cancer and other serious diseases will one day be cured. thankyou for reading,take care all. Mort xx

alone again,naturally.

Those of my readers on Facebook may have noticed my relationship status has changed to single. again. i deliberately removed the notification off news feed,also off Myras. but i posted a comment,and a few put 2 and 2 together. and many thanks for all the nice messages of support i received.so what happened several have asked?well,its just the culmination of several things really,nobody to blame. i am a carer,and i just don't get the time to give,3 hours a week is not enough for any relationship,however often you phone each other,and we both have been hurt badly in the past.MS has played a part as well,the reason for that i will keep private.Myra is a lovely,wonderful lady,and i wish her well. and i really mean that.yes i was upset,yes i was hurt and angry, but as someone once said,never cry over that which once gave you joy. for the last 11 months myra has been part of my life. (and thankyou for that. i shall never forget you.xx) we will see each other sometimes,perhaps,i hope we remain friends. but i do
want to wish her every happiness. i will write more of what MS can ruin in a relationship some other time. not that that was the main reason we parted.
Ok,so that is the sad news,on a more positive note the beta blockers appear to be keeping the angina in check.which is good news.i am still waiting to see E.N.T about voice,and the O.T. has got me a new shower handle fitted,a shower chair,and a new wheelchair is coming for mum.which will help to make life easier for both. thankyou for your kind comments about my post on OCD,alli was so touched.she told me it made so much difference knowing other people understand just what she is going through.
spring hopefully is on the way,a few nice warmish,sunnny days have helped. the daffodils are in full bloom,snowdrops are finished as are crocus.and of course,........THE DUCKS ARE BACK.lol. yes,they are swimming away on the pond again. making a mess,pulling the weed about,but who cares?it means the awful cold of winter will soon be a memory. take care all.

OCD.thankyou Alli

I'm twenty years of age,

Used to think I'd be somewhere by this stage,

But I have a mental illness called, OCD,

And it's taken a big part of my life from me

I've buried my ambitions deep in my soul,

So many may think that my life has no goal,

But I know if I pursued them I'd only find,

That OCD would take over and consume my mind,

In a survey, my full time occupation would be,

Struggling through each day, only focussing on me,

Inviting me out is something you shouldn't do,

Because the outcome will be a disappointment for you

To be more precise, and to show that I care,

I'll tell you what happens when the outing day's here,

I spend hours getting ready, but when I do something wrong,

It must be re-done 'til my anxiety has gone

What could you do so wrong? You might ask,

Well just brushing my hair can be an hour long task,

Because my every movement is controlled by "The Voice",

It shows me no mercy, no reasoning, nor choice

I've become mistrusting of others, so when they are kind,

I feel a hidden agenda must be in mind,

Who would take any interest in me?

I don't deserve it, I'm unworthy

I've taken to chatting to old friends online,

Jealousy consumes me their lives are not mine,

Pursuing their dreams, countless nights out of fun,

Then there's me, who for months cannot think of one

For the truth is I live like a prisoner in my home,

Then only I can judge me if I'm all alone,

I feel I've failed life, so deserve this fate,

I'm on the road to recovery, but a cure I await.

I want to be honest, to tell everyone I'm ill,

But what would they think of me? What would they feel?

"Sorry to hear that". You'll be better soon".

Might be their kind words, but would they think "What a loon".?

But I wouldn't blame them if they didn't understand,

For I was the same before life dealt me this hand,

I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I've become,

A fully grown woman that depends on her Mum

I've lost my independence, I rely on others to guide me,

For a small task for you, I feel self accomplishment can never be,

My feelings are anger, guilt and despair,

For taking others time, but still getting nowhere

So now when you look at me, what do you see?

A strange, quiet girl, hiding from society?

Well if you do, then you are wrong,

I'm battling a mental illness, but one day I'll be strong

by ALLI FIRMAGE, 2007,STIFFKEY,NORFOLK,UK
That was written by someone who knows what it is to be in the grip of OCD,obsessive-compulsive disorder. imagine having to do,and redo,the same task,over and over again,because it just isnt "right".imagine washing your hands,over,and over,and over.until they are red raw and bleeding.imagine cleaning your house from top to bottom,every single day,and sometimes,2,3,times a day if some unsuspecting visitor has sat on a chair you just cleaned.imagine.
Now,imagine a pretty young lady,late teens,early 20s,going out for the night.and having to take as long as 6 hours to do it.well,that is the reality that Alli has to face,each time she wants to go somewhere.Her and so many more.my lovely friend Debs,all those years ago,i went to see her one day,and she was at the sink,washing her hands,she had been bleaching the worktops.with no gloves.and her hands were bleeding.and she would do that up to 5 times a day.
Alli is slowly improving,as she says,she can have some control over how she does things now,she posted the poem today on Facebook,i saw it,i cried. and i am asking you,my readers,if you could copy that poem,and perhaps post it on your blog,Facebook,whatever social networking site you use,whatever you can do.please give credit to alli and mention her name.it deserves to be read by a far wider audience than just her friend list.will you do that if you can please???
Why am I posting it on my blog?? because there is a stigma attached to OCD,it is badly misunderstood,people think it is all "in the mind" that the sufferer is not trying,that he or she should "pull themselves together,snap out of it",that they cannot be right in the head.(my personal all time favourite,that one,very caring that is ).and because i also have it.oh,not bad.nowhere as bad as Alli.i can manage to keep it under control,and it is mainly having to do things in a certain order,etc.i can manage to break the cycle.but i KNOW what Alli goes through.and Debs,and so many more.like MS it is not understood,people think just because we look ok we are ok.ask Alli if she FEELS ok.or me.and then give thanks to whatever greater being you believe in,that YOU don't have it.or your son,daughter,whoever.
I believe it took a lot of courage for Alli to post that today on her home page on Facebook.it took guts.and she deserves our,YOUR,admiration and respect. and maybe,just maybe,it can help someone else out there in what i still call Jland.thankyou for reading,thankyou if you repost.take care all.mort. with many grateful thanks to Alli Firmage,and to all those who suffer from OCD.