Friday, 24 April 2009

april blues

not felt like posting or even reading many blogs lately.i feel tired all the time,in pain,lonely and fed up.i suppose if i had someone i could actually talk to about how i really am feeling it would help,but i havent.yes,ive got friends online,with their own lives and problems,it's not fair to burden them with mine.i seem to have lost all my "real life" friends,either they are drunk,asleep,busy,whatever. i feel isolated sometimes,i am not a mixer,i hate crowds and even today find it hard to go in new places on my own.since i was diagnosed with MS i have lost 3 people i used to be so friendly with.i sound self pitying and i am today,in lot of pain,my fault i did some gardening yesterday and am paying the price.swallowing has got worse these past few weeks,as has my voice.mum is as well as she normally is,in a lot of pain and gets confused.just the april blues i guess.take care all.


Lisa said...

Awwww Mort I hate hearing you are feeling down, if you ever need to talk I am always here for you, another thing most of my friends are on here too, Love Ya Lisa xx

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sorry that you have the blues. Hope your garden blooms soon, that you see a rainbow, and can celebrate a bit.

Beth said...

Mort, I'm very sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. Please check with your doctors and therapists, or check online, and see if there are people in your area that are part of a support group that you could join.

We all support you out here, but I know that can't substitute for actual interaction and discussion. Please hang in there, my friend!

Love, Beth

Indigo said...

I know I haven't been around much online dear friend. Just know I think of you. You could always email anytime dear one. I know the frusteration of wanting friends close by. I'm in the same boat with my loss of hearing.

Beth had a great suggestion about checking to see if there were any support groups in your area. Hang in there dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo

mortonlake said...

thanks indigo xxx yes beth there is a support group,but i went and ended up more depressed lol.many there are far worse than me.i be ok.always do bounce back,thanks all lisa xxx

jack69 said...

Hey Mort, after allyou have faced, have the blues, feel in the dumps, but you will come out. From you Blog overall, we know you are a fighter. You will come out at the next round ready to do battle. Most of us have never been where you are, but know it takes a heck of a lot of GUTS to get this far.
So just hang in there, the blues will be whipped by MORTON!
Take care over there,
Jack & Sherry (Sherry always reads you and mentions when there is no post for awhile)

Stephany said...

Hi Mort, I come from Herrad's blog and just wanted to stop by and say hello, and hope things cheer up a bit soon.

Ally Lifewithally said...

Dear Mort I am so sorry you are feeling the Blues ~ Know that you are in my thoughts ~ Ally x

Lucy said...

AWWW Mort, I wish I was there to just let you talk everything out. You know this is partly due to the MS and partly due to the heart. Depression is common in both. Alan went through every single thing that you are going through. I think You have been fighting this for so long trying to stay upeat, but you know Mort, I know that you won't give up caring for your mum unless you can not manage anymore, but truth be known that is one extra thing that you have to push your body into doing. I know you are trying to do to much and Mort your body will reach a point where you just won't be able to do much more or even what you are now doing. I know, I know and understand all of the stages you are going through. I wish I was there to cry along with you when you were so down. I listened to some of the tape recorded cassettes Alan made after he could no longer write. I heard one tape where he was optomistic and the next one he could barely talk. Mort you don't know it but you are always in my thoughts and a special place in my heart, You must not be trying to do so much. Go easy with the gardening and STOP THAT DIGGING, that is going to tier you out quicker. Mind your USA mom. I know, I know you will say yes and do exactly what Alan did and overdue. Big hugs to you and mum

Yasmin said...

Sorry to hear your feeling so down Mort, you have had a lot to contend with especially over the last year, and it's difficult when you lose close friends and what whith everyone so busy, it's hard not to feel isolated. Have you talked with your Doctor about talking to someone it does help and better than bottling it all up. you can e-mail me anytime don't know what help I'll be but will be happy to listen. Regards to Mum.

Take care


Pamela said...

Hi Mort. I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad. I wish we lived close by. I'd be over to your house every day to talk with you. I really would! You've been through such a rough time this last year. It's normal to feel down. Just take things a day at a time. Do you go to church? There are some good church groups that offer a lot of support.
Give your Mum a hug for me, ok?

Richie said...

I'm on the run now so short response- anytime you want to let rip e-mail me and let it go. I reckon if I could nip round for a cuppa and a share a moan with you we would both be happier men. You matter a lot to the blogisphere.
Take care friend. We are all so very fond of you.

Herrad said...

Hello dear Mort,

Really sad to hear you are down and hurting.

Hope the ducks on the pond and the sunshine and your garden blooming will ease your pain abit.

Take care of yourself be extra gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time.

Thinking about you lots and sending you lots of good thoughts.



ADB said...

Sorry to hear things aren't going to well, Mort. Sounds like the MS is really beginning to bite. Pity people can't be bothered now that you are not well anymore, shows who your true friends are. Keep your chin up :)

Linda :) said...

Bringing gentle hugs... :)
thanks for always taking the time to send me farm gifts!!

Frederica said...

Sorry to hear you have been feeling down Mort. Same here.
I do hope you soon feel bucked up and ready to keep fighting. Some days it is hard to carry on. Good you got out in the garden, but don't do the heavy stuff. I just potter about and make the weeds friends instead of enemy's. I just like the fresh air and the sun which is good for your body.
I see from the comments you have lots of friends on-line who would all like to support you in some way, but I guess the personal hug is what you need.
You are wonderful looking after your Mum like you do, and even living with someone if they don't converse too well and are often confused you feel just as lonely.
I hope you get some comfort from these comments from your friends here.
I have been feeling down and just a message from Lucy cheered me up no end.
Big hugs to you Mort.

mortonlake said...

THANKYOU ALL.XXXXXXXXX. goes off in corner n sucks thumb and has a damn good cry lol.means a lot friends thanks all

jean said...

Hi Mort, I have been thinking about you and wondering if you were sick. I hope you are feeling better by now we your online friends care, but like you said it isn't like some one close by to talk with. Maybe the warmer weather will help. You take care and say hello to mum for me. jean

Lynne said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope you will share with your doctor how you are feeling. Maybe there is a support group you could join with others that can relate to your health struggles. Hang in there!

Rose said...

hang in there, I hope this passes quickly!

Hollie said...

I'm so sorry that you are feeling a little blue. I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Praying for brighter days ahead for you my friend!

Jane said...

You know Mort you are allowed to feel down you know? With all you are having to deal with right now, especially the pain, its not surprising you feel a little pissed off with life. Dont beat yourself up about it - and yes, have a good old moan, you are entitled.
But we all know how amazing you are and how you will bounce back soon - in the meantime be kind to yourself my friend.

Much love

Joyce said...

All my love and prayers coming your way Mort. You are dealing with some very tough issues and it is understandable that you would get the blues sometimes. Hang in there my friend.
Hugs, Joyce

Jan said...

Oh dear friend I am so sorry to hear this ,I hope you and Mum feel better soon ,and can soon and enjoy your garden in the warm sunshine Jan xx

Herrad said...

Hi Mort,

Take a look at my blog

For your Inspirational Blogger Award.



Anonymous said...

Diet, join a gym, exercise, get in shape. Then go out and meet someone, nancy boy. No one likes a whiner, so shut up too. Someone out there is looking for a mommy's boy just like you.

Richie said...

poor old hate merchant- probably not even their mummy loved them- it would take a lot longer to get such a mind in shape than for you to run the marathon- never mind the numpty Mort- look down and pity them!