Wednesday, 2 October 2013

I AM SO SORRY,I AM NOT ON HERE VERY MUCH,AFTER MY MUM DIED IVE JUST BEEN SO BUSY.SO MUCH TO SORT.and yeah,i also get depressed.that don't help.i am having grief counselling,MS society have their own,i had a lot of guilt to get rid mum had got so bad with dementia,i was finding it such a job to cope.then she died.and I miss her.even how she was.and I now have more time.i am back with my girlfriend,and we are happy,i can go over and see her so much more than I could before,ive just been co-opted onto our MS committee,i can help in a small way with transport duties,helps my friend knowing I am able to be there for her,things people take for granted.but I couldn't do before.and yes,i am enjoying that.still horrible waking up to an empty house.i am lucky I have good friends.heard from heart specialist today,the scan at Papworth shows damage to heart,but no new angina is probably stress related.keeping on with tablets.i have not heard about the biopsy I had done on my ear,so no news,is good news.i was sure it was just sun damage,so they are huge reliefs to me.everyone,i wish us all,pain free nights,peaceful days,take care all.thanks for listening,mort xxxxx

Monday, 26 August 2013


 MY MUM,ANGELA JEAN LAKE DIED LAST THURSDAY THE 22ND OF AUGUST,AGED 92.SHE DIED IN KELLING HOSPITAL.a small cottage hospital.12 miles from me.they rang to say she was unlikely to live much longer,did I want to go and be with her.i said yes,my friend rushed over to pick me she pulled up,hosptal rang back.too late.she had gone.too late.
 So,why the title??5 weeks??well,5 weeks before,on the Thursday the 21st of July,my mum was fine.she was eating well,we had been out that Tuesday,she was vague at times,dementia was bad BUT she was pretty well in herself.then came Friday the 22nd.she had her breakfast as usual,carer came to wash her.we had new carers,a new care package in place,and she liked the girls.the carer washed her,and helped mum to dress,and she came through on frame as always.all normal.just another Friday.but the countdown had started,about 10am mum started to feel sick,and was,violently shortly after,she continued throughout that the end couldn't keep water down.i rang 111,the new number we have for non emergency cases.( I SO WISH NOW I HAD DIALLED 999)  when you ring that number,or use your own Drs number out of hours it goes to triage.a call centre,who ask various questions to determine the seriousness of the the end I was told a doctor would ring me.this was at 7 a doctor DID ring.and agreed mum needed to see a doctor ASAP.and one would be with me 10pm,still no I rang again.again triage.again questions.couldnt understand why I hadn't had a visit.promised I would hear within a short 11,knock on the door.emergency Dr.he examined mum.gave her injection to stop her being sick.and left.i went to bed at 12,mum was sleeping.peace.UNTIL.......1.20am my phone rang.IT WAS THE EMERGENCY DR,RINGING ME FROM THE SECOND CALL I HAD MADE.OVER 3 HOURS AFTER I HAD MADE IT.i explained  we had had call.very curt indian Dr.just rang off.back to sleep for me.
 Saturday,mum was not too good,ate very little,kept in bed as I went shopping,but seemed a lot better.
Sunday,she had a cup of tea,and vomited it straight back up.that was 8am.she was sick all morning.i rang the damn emergency number.again.triage.again.need to speak to dr.again.finally got rang at 2.15.yes a dr would be along shortly.5pm he turned up.indian dr from night before I assume,very brusque.briefly examined mum,oh yes,she seems to be constipated.stomach distended.gave mum ANOTHER injection.then left.sadly this time it had no effect.she continued to be sick all through that night.not much at a time,nothing inside her.but sick.i was was she.
Monday I rang my own surgery.dr.M was on the lady dr there on call.i was told,cant it wait til after surgery??as I was ringing,the carer came.she went and saw mum,came through said let me talk to surgery.mum was  drifting in and out of consciousness all the while by this time.i was in tears.Della told surgery in her opinion,and she had been a nurse over 25 years,mum needed a dr.NOW. she came out in 10 minutes.bit put out at being called out,but della soon put her in her place.explained that mum was drifting,dr said she seems ok to me,and............oh shes gone asleep.came through to me,said,ok,im sorry,your mum needs to go to hospital,ordered ambulance.non emergency one,no blue lights.and one arrived within 2 hours.
mum was taken to the Norfolk and Norwich Hospital.accident and emergency.i followed in my car.somehow,mainly me using back roads,and warp speed,i got there before her.sat and waited til I was told she had arrived and buzzed through.very busy,but a kind dr went and found her,having ECG and bloods.saw a dr.eventually.sent for Xrays on distended stomach.that showed a blockage of the bowell,probably caused by constipation? she  was taken to low dependency ward.a ward for patients before surgery,minor ops.mum was confused.a foreign,probably Romanian nurse wasn't pleased when I asked if mum could go to toilet.i was told,she can ring bell  and someone will come........I said she has dementia,she wont remember.oh I didn't know.well why don't you read the notes I asked??I left mum at 9pm.i had been there since 11 that food.mum scared.
next day she was transferred to Docking ward.which should have abandon all hope all ye who enter.i went to visit at 2.until 4/again from 6 until 8.and I did that EVERY  DAY FOR 4 WEEKS.ITS A ROUND TRIP OF 76 MILES FROM MINE. EVERY DAY.after 3 weeks,the blockage was supposed to be clear.unpleasant procedures had to be done to remove the constipation.
mum wasn't eating much,food was VILE.her dementia had worsened.she was ignored,tea in a big mug just dumped in front of her.her hands couldn't grip the damn handle.if I wasn't there,it got did her food.after 3 weeks GOD SPAKE TO HER.well the consultant obviously THOUGHT he was God.he told his retinue of followers,oh shes clinically well,she can go home.mum thought she was coming home.
they rang my care providers.told them angela is ok,go in tonight and care,we sending her home in hospital car,and you can look after her tonight as usual and.............WHOAAA said Claire,the acting manager.i want to speak to nurse in charge.oh that's not necessary,shes ok and...........I WANT TO SPEAK TO NURSE  NOW.
tell me said Claire, she mobile???well no,shes been in bed all this while,we have to turn her every 3 hours   Well,before all this,.she could get through to lounge,and back using frame.oh said nurse.i didn't know she continent???well,no,shes had catheter in,so she wont be continent,,,,,,,,,,,well she went to toilet normally,before this,oh says nurse,can she hold herself up by arms??oh no,shes too weak,and................HOW ON EARTH CAN MY GIRLS CARE FOR ANGELA LIKE THAT??AND YOU WANT TO SEND THE POOR LADY HOME?NO EQUIPMENT?she refused point blank.thank god for good carers.
first I knew was when I got there at going home says mum.yes mum,course,very soon,when youre better and.......SHE IS,says lady in next bed.I HEARD HIM SAY SO.i went and founf ward sister.bit abrupt.your mother is well enough to be discharged  but your care company refused.i know Claire well enough to know something was I rang.she was in tears nearly as she told me all that had gone on.i had to tell a very sad mum she wasn't going home.not yet
I rang social services next morning,got them to put a protection order on my mum,so she couldn't be  discharged without their permission.O.T.and physio to check her,assess. oh they LOVE those assessments.little S**T of a Physio asked me,in front of my mum,is she always this vague??DO YOU READ NOTES??ARE YOU TOO IMPORTANT???DONT YOU KNOW SHE HAS DEMENTIA?? he hadn't read mums notes.NOBODY EVER BLOODY BOTHERED.WHY SHOULD HE?finally,on that Tuesday,i went and saw my Dr.explained to dr.M that I was doing all those miles,and I was exhausted.he rang the hospital,shortly after the O.T. rang to say,mum would be moved to Kelling.then rang me back,oh,it will be Thursday as no bed til then.ok,least she was coming nearer.still not eating,or drinking enough.but hope on horizon.
thursday came,alas no bed,but any day,any hour,i was told.i went up that Thursday,i said to them,YOU WILL TELL ME WHEN MUM MOVES???OF COURSE WE WILL.i promise Mr just is impossible you wont be word on that
got there,went in,round to ward, mum.i went to desk.oh she was discharged this morning at 11am.W H A T?????????????????? IN THAT CASE WHERE IS SHE NOW?????no idea.finally found she had been sent to another unit.i trudged the length and breadth of that damn hospital until I FINALLY  found it.only to be told mum had been sent to Kelling at I wasted all that petrol.kellings only 12 miles from mine. I went to my friends for tea,got to kelling at 6.poor upset.confused, idea where I was.where she was going.
that little hospital tried everything.she was got up,dressed mornings.nurses tried everything to get her to eat.mum told me and pam,ive had enough.i want to go.  she didn't mean home either.
last Thursday pam sat with mum,from 10 am until 6.30..i went in at 1. my weak now.just curled up in a ball in bed.didnt know us.didnt want to drink.or eat.or talk.MY MUM DIDNT KNOW I WAS THERE.i just burst into tears and sobbed on pams shoulder,i cant see mum die,i don't want to see her die.pam sent me I have told.
5 weeks is all it took.5 weeks to kill my mum.
funeral is next Wednesday,4th of September.she will be buried next to my dad.
but you were let down. 5 WEEKS, I am no longer a carer.i miss my mum.thanks for reading,tc xxxx

Sunday, 14 July 2013

catchup time,im sorry i havent been in touch.

 I have been very lax lately.and I apologise.lot happening,very little good.i have got to go to Papworth hospital for a MRI stress test in august. that is for all the angina im getting,i saw the heart consultant the other week and wants this test done ASAP.too dangerour to do another angioplas without it.Papworth is our leading heart hospital.its also miles got to sort transport.
this month ive got to go back to dermatology as the nasty she zapped off my ear hasn't gone,in fact its worseshe said if the scab dropped off not to go back.but its got worse
.to cap it all I had a video xray done of me swallowing,as I choke on food and drink,they give you barium to drink,then yoghurt,then yoghurt and banana,and biscuit.after the radiologist said she can see my airway doesn't close properly,hence liquids are being inhaled into lungs,hence 17 chest infections in past year.also I have thickening top roof of mouth.7 yrs ago I saw ENT about that.they removed a tonsil thinking I had cancer in it.shame nobody told them I was then suspected of having was a perfectly good tonsil.the weird results were,MS.3 years ago my consultant sent me back to ENT,as he wasn't happy my croaky weak voice was MS.they had me in,supposed to have had a biopsy done.i later found all they did was "have a look,as it looked ok,no biopsy done"NOW,ive been called back to see them,seemss someone somewhere is now worried.makes 2 of us.
so not good.on top of all this worry,mum is so much worse.memory is now seriously bad.only good thing,someone is back in my life,my ex Myra.we close friends again
 don't swear at me lmao.i know what youre going to say.but im is why not?just friends is all.anyway,up to date.i am sorry im not always on,but I do check blogs,but cant always get idea why.ah but for the good old days lol.
,i DO think of you all,and I wish us all,peaceful days,and pain free nights .tc all xxxxxx oh,and yeah the MS is a right pain,in all senses of the words.struggle and ty, mort xxxx

Friday, 15 February 2013

the Demen within

Dementia.such a nasty word. people get dementia,go gaga.thats the simplified view of most people.they send "funny"jokes about having know,ive got alzheimers,but at least i dont have alzheimers.hilarious.anyone of my friends on facebook who posts a joke like that mocking dementia,well,you will be an ex friend in 0.2 seconds flat.BECAUSE IT ISN'T BLOODY FUNNY,not one tiny little bit.ask anyone with it,how demeaning it is to forget what you want to say,to forget the names of simple everyday forget what you had to eat for lunch,to not knowing what foods you like.who people are.THAT IS DEMENTIA,.is that funny??no.and my mum has the damn hideous lurks inside,popping up any time.when tumble driers become "the bin",when the TV remote control can be used to try and make a phone call,and get angry when she cant get through.or use the phone to change channels.when meals are often new and surprising,as we have never had this before.when the this in question is an old favourite i have been making years.THAT IS that funny?? is sad.horrible.both for her to endure,and for me to have to see.i am not going into too many details.i was going to write more,but as i am writing this i find i can't see the  screen.because i am mum is 92.a great age.but sometimes she is like a young child.she can be very aggressive,rude,quite unpleasant.THAT IS DEMENTIA.and she gets i am getting worse with the bloody MS.she becomes more and more dependant on me.i know one day there may come a time i cannot care for her because i need help myself.mum does not understand just how tired and ill i feel sometimes.she does try.and,inside,she trys so hard to make herself understood,to remember that name she has known all her life.that taste,that place name.
Yes there are drugs that can help.mum has tried one. made her so sick every time she took a tablet.but she tried.i stopped i said to Dr.M,it is not fair to put her through all the sickness,and there is no certainty the drugs will help.i feel so helpless.every day my mum is slowly being taken away from me.THAT IS DEMENTIA. MAY WHATEVER GOD YOU BELIEVE IN HAVE MERCY ON THOSE SUFFERING WITH IT.and if you have someone in your life with Alzheimers or dementia of any kind,you have my utmost sympathy.
Hope everyone of you has got through this awful winter unscathed,keep warm and well,spring will come all,mort xxxxx