Friday, 15 February 2013

the Demen within

Dementia.such a nasty word. people get dementia,go gaga.thats the simplified view of most people.they send "funny"jokes about having it.you know,ive got alzheimers,but at least i dont have alzheimers.hilarious.anyone of my friends on facebook who posts a joke like that mocking dementia,well,you will be an ex friend in 0.2 seconds flat.BECAUSE IT ISN'T BLOODY FUNNY,not one tiny little bit.ask anyone with it,how demeaning it is to forget what you want to say,to forget the names of simple everyday objects.to forget what you had to eat for lunch,to not knowing what foods you like.who people are.THAT IS DEMENTIA,.is that funny??no.and my mum has the damn hideous thing.it lurks inside,popping up any time.when tumble driers become "the bin",when the TV remote control can be used to try and make a phone call,and get angry when she cant get through.or use the phone to change channels.when meals are often new and surprising,as we have never had this before.when the this in question is an old favourite i have been making years.THAT IS DEMENTIA.is that funny??no.it isnt.it is sad.horrible.both for her to endure,and for me to have to see.i am not going into too many details.i was going to write more,but as i am writing this i find i can't see the  screen.because i am crying.my mum is 92.a great age.but sometimes she is like a young child.she can be very aggressive,rude,quite unpleasant.THAT IS DEMENTIA.and she gets worse.as i am getting worse with the bloody MS.she becomes more and more dependant on me.i know one day there may come a time i cannot care for her because i need help myself.mum does not understand just how tired and ill i feel sometimes.she does try.and,inside,she trys so hard to make herself understood,to remember that name she has known all her life.that taste,that place name.
Yes there are drugs that can help.mum has tried one. made her so sick every time she took a tablet.but she tried.i stopped them.as i said to Dr.M,it is not fair to put her through all the sickness,and there is no certainty the drugs will help.i feel so helpless.every day my mum is slowly being taken away from me.THAT IS DEMENTIA. MAY WHATEVER GOD YOU BELIEVE IN HAVE MERCY ON THOSE SUFFERING WITH IT.and if you have someone in your life with Alzheimers or dementia of any kind,you have my utmost sympathy.
Hope everyone of you has got through this awful winter unscathed,keep warm and well,spring will come soon.tc all,mort xxxxx

14 comments:

Barb said...

Sweet Mort, I am so very sorry you're having to experience so much. Having lost my own Mother I can understand how difficult this must be for you, how painful. Like you I am so angry at those who make light of something that not only steals ones life away but makes his every day life a living hell.
I'm on the other side of the ocean my friend. Wish it were different. If I lived near you I'd visit, would do what I could to help. Hugging you right now, dear one, even though you can't feel it. I so admire you, Mort, for your courage. I know it is not easy to cope with all you're forced to cope with but you do it.

Jean said...

Hi Mort, my husbands oldest sister lived to be 91 years old. She to suffered with demenitia a few years before she passed away. It's a shame how that some people can make jokes about this. Like Barb I wished I live near I would be glad to help any way I could. Take care and hugs for your mum.


demenitia

Anonymous said...

Mort, my heart goes out to you and to your Mum.

What else can I say. This is so hard, no one knows unless their life is touched by it.

My grandmother got dementia and then Alzheimers in her 50;s. I don't remnember her very well, but it killed my Mom. I do remember seeing my Mom go off and cry.

My heart is reaching out for you. And always I will pray for your Mum and you. Merry Kenyon

Ken Riches said...

It is hard to see, let alone live every day. I have seen my grandmother and aunt with this, it is not a fun thing to experience...

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I will pray for you both. It is not an easy thing at all. We are all looking forward to Spring.

mortonlake said...

thankyou all xx

ADB said...

People bandy words like Alzheimers about far too easily, and use it perjoratively against themselves or others. It is a highly distressing disease, worse for those around them. I once happened to be in the psychiatric ward of a hospital, and was approached by one of the patients - suffering from dementia. She no longer realised that it was inappropriate to walk up to a stranger at 2 inches distance. A young woman who was with me at the time was scared witless - but I told her that this lady was somebody's grandmother. Somebody's mother. It could be one of her relatives. She had been a person just like herself, with hopes and dreams, memories and family - all swept away by that horrid disease. She was no longer aware of that. Her family is all the more.

Mort, take no shit from anybody on that score.

FrankandMary said...

The disease is so multitiered(not that I really have to tell you that). People used to tell me with my Dad to compartmentalize, but that is quite easier said than done. I am so very sorry. ~Mary

jack69 said...

I cannot know the feelings of MS, but I can sympathize. However my mum did not live to be 90+ but she was cursed with Dementia. I can understand the frustration and know your sorrow.
You are a tough dude my man! YOu are truly hanging tough!!!

Jan said...

Dear Mort I so admire all you do for your Mum ,My Mum had demenitia/alzheimers ,it is heart breaking when they don't know you ,as is often said 'its a living bereavement' take care love Jan ,PS I posted today too ...

Sarah said...

Hi Mort...I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to your mum and yourself Mort.You are both in my Thoughts and Prayers God Bless xxx

Maire said...

Oh Mort xoxo it's a damn terrible disease. My Mom had it, my Uncle is currently in care because of Alzheimer's, my ex late MIL had it. It's the absolute most terrible, exhausting disease to deal with. Even if you didn't have MS, you'd be absolutely worn out. Wish I lived close enough to give you some respite from it. Xo

Jean said...

Hi Mort
Sorry you are going through this our Mum ,(Jan and I ) and its so sad ,they change and are not the same people but they still look just the same I am not explaning myself properly but think u will know what i mean ,
Take care of yourself
Love and hugs
Jean x

mortonlake said...

thanks everyone for kind comments.i will keep on doing my best as always.tc all xx