hearts and flowers

i have been feeling really ill ever since Christmas day.rushing around getting lunch,stressing,lol brought on a massive angina attack.my own stupid fault,but it made me really feel bad.pain in arm,tight feeling in chest,bad signs.so last week i went off to dr.M.he examined me,said heart sounded ok,was still beating at any rate,lol.but,i had a very nasty chest infection.did think i had,i could feel it.so put me on antibiotics,my favourite big yellow horse pills that always get stuck and taste vile.also,increased the beta blockers i am on to double strength,and i do feel much better.one worry less.the MS is bad at moment,loss of feeling in my hands leads to smashed crockery quite often,dropped a nice vase last week full of flowers mum had had for birthday.i am getting terrible nightmares as well,but i think they are the result of increased beta blockers.alll in all not the start i hoped for in 2012.

mums bunion is causing concern again,very badly swollen,and that split is very red.or its scar is.nurse will look at it if it gets worse,really do not want it to burst.nasty for her last time,took months to heal.

the group i started on facebook continues to grow,if anyone is interested in joining,please contact me or indeed Guido,he is an admin for me.anyone in pain with MS,FM,ME,Arthritis,diabetes,anything that causes pain and distress.we share what we are feeling,and we help each other.we care,we share. hmmmm wonder where i got that from? lol.why did i start it?mainly because 1 member had MS,and was worried.there are so many places you can get "help and advice" from,MS society being the best,but what about FM?yes,there is a web site,as there are for many if not all of the different illnesses,BUT they are all so impersonal.what as needed,i thought anway,was a place we could go to be with friends.where people could come together to give each other help and support.to share information,new advances,or,just to have somewhere private,where friends and family couldnt read,to unload what is worrying us.it is a private group,only members can read what we write.many members, and i have over 40 now have never written anything,or shared. but,and i have had messages and emails thanking me,still get comfort from reading what others have posted,and realising they are not alone with their fears. fear.it is a nasty thing to realise you have a disease,whatever it may be,that is affecting your life.making you "not the person you were".and it is nice to get support,and we are friends on there first and foremost.

anyway,hope you all had nice christmasses,and new year celebrations.it has been a mild winter here this year,no snow,at least where i am,indeed very,very few frosts.i found a clematis flower on the large one i have near my front door,and bulbs are poking through.i know we can still get a bad time,but it all helps.roll on the spring. the primrose in the picture is growing in a tub,lovely to have some colour in the garden.cyclamen are all blooming as well.pansies are poor though,slugs and snails had a good go before the winter.never really recovered.

i go and see my MS consultant next month,apart from that i hope to be free from hospital visits for a long time.i do hope you are all keeping as well as can be,take care all,mort xx

91 TODAY

ANGELA JEAN LAKE,(Nee Long)BORN 3RD JAN.1921 AT HINDOLVESTON,NORFOLK,UK.my mum.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED MOTHER. she is very forgetful now,gets so confused sometimes,and yes,sometimes she gets angry with herself.in constant pain from the damn arthritis,gout,and that bunion that split the other year looks bad again,BUT..........SHE IS MY MUM,I LOVE HER,AND I CARE FOR HER THE VERY BEST I CAN.AND WILL DO FOR AS LONG AS I CAN.thankyou so much to all my friends on Facebook for all the lovely messages for her.made her day.pam has been over with flowers,kevin came to see her,so she had a lovely day.take care all.xx

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

WISHING ALL MY FRIENDS A VERY HAPPY 2012.hope it is a good year for us all.for those of us in pain,saddened by loss,burdened by debt and cares, i wish us all some respite,and to find those "shiny" moments in every day.

It hasn't been a good year for me,2011 was the year i lost someone i had grown to love very much,mums health has continued to cause concern,her memory loss is much worse now.i had the worry of having to go into hospital about throat,thankfully all was ok. the MS continues to gallop away from me sometimes. as i type this i have no feeling in my hands at all,my concentration is limited. and i get frustrated because sometimes i cannot remember what i wanted to say.

but there were the good things too.old friends came back into my life. and i still have you,loyal readers.( sorry stephen king lol) and i will try and post more regularly.at least this winter has been mild,unlike last years.

and as 2012 is but a few minutes away,at least here in the UK,i wish you all a peaceful,and happy new year. thankyou for being my friends,take care,mort xxx

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY FRIENDS

I WISH ALL MY FRIENDS ON HERE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS,AND A HAPPY 2012.
Sorry i haven't been on here lately,again i got locked out.blogspot seems to do this every time i have to run a virus scan. takes me ages to get on here then.sorry Lucy,i will catch up soon,hope you are ok.and my other friends too.
As for me?MS is bad.pain,also angina not good.kept in check by tablets though so far.my ankle was xrayed,it is NOT arthritis,its the long tendon under foot.torn most probably.i have inserts in bottom of shoes,and they are helping.the ankle is so sore because i am walking to compensate for the pain of the torn ligament which is causing problems in the ankle. hopefully it will heal,i do exercises,if it cant heal,then an operation can be done.
mum?not too good,forgets so much now,but is happy,loved,cared for.and yes,it is hard on me.but then it is for every carer.
2011 was not a good year for me.i lost someone i loved deeply.it still hurts.but i moved on,as we have to.i give thanks to all my friends for their part in this.
my group on facebook seems to be a success,and i am glad people find it helps.and so,as i write this it is Christmas day.
I WISH THOSE IN PAIN,SORROW,WORRY,FINANCIAL DISTRESS,WHATEVER,THAT WE MAY ALL FIND A "SHINY"MOMENT IN EVERY DAY,AND IN EVERYTHING WE DO.
thankyou all for following,and being my friend.take care all.Mort xxxx

LEST WE FORGET

ON THE ELEVENTH HOUR,OF THE ELEVENTH DAY,OF THE ELEVENTH MONTH 1918 ENDED THE WAR TO END ALL WARS.as we all are so aware it did not end wars,just that awful conflict.this year,more than ever,on 11.11.11.11.we must remember their sacrifices made.
All those war memorials,in every town,village,and city in this country,and so many more,all those names of ( in so many cases) young men,hardly more than boys,all that pain,suffering,bloodshed. WE WILL REMEMBER THEM.

THIS YEAR,MORE THAN EVER,LET PEACE PREVAIL,LET THE KILLING STOP.LET OUR TROOPS COME HOME FROM OH SO MANY CONFLICTS.

WEAR YOUR POPPY WITH PRIDE. take care all.

the waiting game.again.

well,first i must thank everyone on call for support on Facebook,and on my home page for all the lovely comments i have had.it is appreciated.


now,i went on the 1st to have a preop assessment.had to be there at 9.00 am.ok,it was on a thursday,tracey comes to mum mid morning,knew all about it so didnt bother swapping day over.night before her firm rang to say she would be later.she was.i was home first. so mum had to be on her own,someone did come in and see her,a friend rang,so she was ok.but its typical,you think all is ok,and something goes wrong.worse was to come. i left early,7.30,it takes around an hour to get there.as it was traffic was light and i parked at 8.30.rang mum to make sure she was ok,got parking ticket validated,i get free parking,blue badge.and went into reception,handed the girl on desk my letter,she typed into computer,looked at letter,looked at me,and you just KNOW whats coming."can you take a seat please sir". sure enough 5 minutes later another lady came up,mr lake,im sorry.your pre-op has been cancelled.WHAT?????but the op is still going ahead,so,you MUST have a pre-op.sister has got you in at 9.45. it appears a manager,and she held her hands up and said sorry,made a mistake and cancelled mine instead of another patients.anyway,i eventually got seen to,very efficient sister,took my bloods,ecg,did the lot herself.and i was home by 12.20.( no comments about speed limits please.i kept strictly to them.possibly not in the right order mind,lol) mum was fine.and that was the pre-op.
i went in the next friday,my mate took me in.had to be there at 11,and i reported to same day procedure ward at 10.20. and waited. i was told i was second on list for afternoon surgery,so was glad to be called at 2,told to change into very sexy surgical stockings and gown, and waited.and waited.and...........it was 4.20 when i went and asked the nurse how long it was going to be,that i was going home that night,that my mum had nobody to look after her after 7,etc.anyway,they came and got me soon after.bit of argument with anaesthatist who loftily told me i MAY be able to go home after. i politley,but OH so firmly explained i WOULD be going home.no buts.i was going.she got me to agree that my mate was stopping over in case of emergency. coughs politely,lol.i was out in seconds,next thing i knew i was awake with oxygen mask over face.all done. onto ward. given glass of ice cold water,drank that ok.would i like a cup of tea and sandwich asked nurse??i think my face said it all lol. best cuppa ever.hot.and a decent ham sandwich.just had my second bite,( think starving baracuda attacking its prey,lol) when the surgeon came in. oh he said,i see you can eat and drink ok,lol. told me he was pleased,that he had only taken biopsy from the soft tissue that is swollen as voice box,larynx,oesophagus,all ok.and i should hear from them with an appointment in 3 to 4 weeks.i was allowed out at 8,mate came and got me.and the first thing we did?McDONALDS.lol.big mac meal,large.vanilla milk shake and apple pie later,and 1 pie for mum to take home i felt human lol.mate is on a diet so only had diet coke.never has a big mac tasted so good.and i couldnt care less what crap is written about McDonalds,i really couldnt care less whats in their milk shakes to thicken them,or how many trees it takes to..............you get my point?????? it was bloody DELICIOUS.and so home we went. got home at 9.40,rosie had called round,thankyou to her,to carol,to pam,who had been with mum all morning,and brian for getting her tea. she was pleased i was home,ate her apple pie,which she loves,lol. mate had a coffee and went home.and i went to bed around midnight. sore throat but ok. i was sore for a week,throat and chest very painful.as i have acid reflux,as i am going under the anaesthetic,they press down hard onto chest and abdomen to stop the acid coming into gullet.and of course it gets bruised.
and so i am still waiting to hear.i shall tell you all when i know.
finally,on Facebook i have started a new group. its called we care,we share.it is for sufferers of MS,ME,FM,arthritis,back pain,in fact ANY pain. by sharing our pain and stories perhaps we can help others cope with their pain.anybody interested in joining please let me know.and thanks to the 28 members i have so far.and to Guido for his input. and astra.my admin.who does strange archaic gestures at my posts and turns them into DOCS.lol.i apologise to 2 friends on facebook i added to group,i thought i was inviting them,turned out i added.facebook does like to change things.sorry.and we got it sorted. hope you are all well,or as well as we can be,take care all.

WE NEVER FORGET THEIR LOSS.IN REMEMBRANCE OF 9/11

10 YEARS AGO,ON THE 11TH SEPTEMBER,2001 AN ATROCITY WAS COMMITTED THAT WAS SO AWFUL IT IS JUST KNOWN BY A DATE.9/11.MANY OF MY FELLOW BLOGGERS WILL BE DOING THEIR OWN REMBRANCE POSTS I KNOW.ALL I AM GOING TO SAY IS THIS.WE WILL NEVER FORGET THEIR LOSS.NOT OVER HERE IN THE UK,IT IS IN EVERY ONE OF OUR PAPERS TODAY.WE WILL NEVER FORGET ALL THE DEATHS CAUSED BY EVIL PEOPLE.AND WE STILL MOURN THEIR LOSS.AND WE STAND WITH THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IN SILENCE.AND WE REMEMBER.
GOD BLESS AMERICA.THE PEOPLE OF GREAT BRITAIN MOURN WITH YOU,AND WE PRAY THAT ONE DAY THE KILLINGS WILL STOP,
Take care all,i have news of my recent biopsy,pretty good,but wanted to share this post first. because its a day that MUST be remembered,mort