a valentines wish

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO YOU ALL,HOPE IT IS ONE FILLED WITH LOVE AND HAPPINESS FOR YOU.

Take care all,love mort xx

stressed out

its been a busy few weeks since i last posted.i went and saw the incontinence nurse,(or the wee wee lady as linda my MS nurse calls her,lol) she gave me a lot of information,explained that MS causes the bladder to contract,instead of expand,so you have to "go"more often,and that when its bad to make sure i dont drink fizzy drinks,caffeine,drink more water.and to plan my route.i already do.lol.she did give me information on a new "car loo" it resembles a large film cannister,with a bag folded inside.very useful.my dr. has ordered me one,as they are available on prescription.next was physio.i fogot the first appointment altogether,ive now bought myself a diary,my memory gets worse,but i have now seen her twice.she has given me various exercises designed to help my balance,which is decidedly poor,i use the walking stick regularly,also she told me the stick was too short,so it is now set at the right height,much better.she is a really nice lady,attractive too.lol.never hurts that.she was able to tell me what leg is my weakest,the left,just by gently holding and twisting my legs.i see her again this week,then it will be on a as needed basis,as is the incontinence nurse.so far i dont really need their help full time.let that continue please.

Lastly,i saw my consultant Dr.C at Cromer hospital.first time we have seen each other since last year when he diagnosed me with MS.we had a long talk,he examined me thoroughly,saw my balance is a bit worse when i nearly fell over doing one foot in front of the other,and said he was pleased with the way i am interacting with the various people helping me,that he was being informed by linda about me,and he would continue to see me on a yearly basis.also,that if i felt any worse,or my symptoms got worse he would order another scan,and indeed may still order one.the tablets and physio hopefully will keep it at bay.we will see.

Last week was the dreaded treadmill heart stress test.Pam kindly took me in her car.it was at 3pm and the huge carparks were full,heaving is the word that comes to mind lol.we managed to find a space where we shouldnt,lol.pam displayed her blue badge and i trottted off on my own to the cardiac suite.a really nice technician called me in,had my chest shaved for the electrodes,which he managed to nick,as we found when the electrode was removed and blood was everywhere,stuck them all over me,wired me up,and off we go.the treadmill starts slowly,flat,then it is speeded up,and then an incline is introduced.i was soon panting,my pregabalin for MS causes shallow breathing,a fact the nurse said was not going to please the heart consultant,i managed 6 minutes,quite a fast,very brisk walk up a slight incline,but i had to call it a day after that,the next stage was faster,steeper,and i was in discomfort,pain in my chest and left arm.not very bad but bad enough to be unpleasant.she was quite ok,and said i had done well.the results will go to the consultant,if i don't hear from them i have to go see Dr.M in 2 weeks time.if all seems ok iwill see the heart consutant in june.fingers crossed they don't call me.

so a busy time.how do i feel? well,i dont need the nitro spray very often,the MS has been bad,i am getting a lot of pain from the arthritis,but doing ok.mum has had a lot of pain from her arthritis,the cold weather affects her badly,she continues to forget names of simple every day objects.but she is my mum.and i love her.so i cope.because i have to.

we have had a little snow,compared to much of the UK we have escaped here lightly,and it is now raining,although it should freeze later.lethal road conditions.

well here they are finally,snowdrops.flowering at least 3 weeks later or more than last year.many bulbs are now peeping through but i fear i have lost a lot.crocusses are very sparce this year.a wet summer may have rotted a lot.but that snowdrop means that spring will come soon,this viciously cold weather will ease.and we will feel sun on our skins again.and february means one thing.very soon,any time now,my 2 ducks will return.and i cant wait to see them.take all,keep warm,well,and safe.and thanks for all your kind comments.

finally on yearbook,on owned on there,(those of you who use yearbook will know that owned is a game,also on facebook,where you "own"other players pictures,earn lunch money,make profits) i discovered this "tag" done by the lady herself.dawn.i sent her a message over 3 weeks ago asking if i may use it on the sidebar of my journal.i have had no reply,i am sure she will not mind any of you snagging it and using it on your own journals.it touched me somehow.i know nothing at all of dawn.but she is talented.and someone who knows,perhaps full well,that breast cancer can affect any one.and so i put it here for you all.

half hearted

last week i went to Norfolk and Norwich hospital to see the cardiac specialist nurse,for my check up.luckily pam had to go the same day,same clinic as she had high blood pressure and the specialist wanted an echocardiogram done.her appointment was 40 minutes after my 2.10 one.we got there and parked,inside the clinic by 1.55.and pam went in at 2.05.lol i was called soon after for an ECG trace,then went in and saw the nurse.really nice chap,good humoured and friendly.we had a long talk about how i was feeling,what i thought of how things were going,etc.he was concerned that after doing anything the least bit strenuous,say hoovering,walking too fast,i get pains in my left arm and some in my chest.so he decided i went and had an echo myself.poor pam had to wait another 2 hours before we finally got away.after the echo was done,i had to go back and see the nurse.he tells me there is damage to the heart,not massive,but he was concerned enough to want to show the consultant the echo.by this time it was getting close to 4.my relief carer comes on a thursday and was with mum,and promised she would keep with her,but even so,i wanted to get away.so he said go home and if the consultant wanted to see me before the appointment i have with him in june,they would write. so,back home via McDonalds for a well needed milkshake.ok bad for me.but it was lovely lol.i left pams,got home at 5.40 and carol,bless her.was still there chatting with mum.she is a lovely lady.a true carer. well today i had a letter.i have to go on the 28th for an exercise test.treadmill.wired up,walk for a certain time,machine gets progressively faster until you reach your predetermined limit. or drop dead? lol.there is a chance,so the nurse told me,there is another artery blocked that the first angiogram missed.the surgeon was looking for the main site of the attack,and repaired that with the stent,but i may have another slightly furred.if the exercise test shows any change in reading,i will then have to go in and have another angio.at least it is only for one night.so,not particularly good news.

Also after the attack i was taken off the pain relief i was taking for my arthritis,which was having great effect on my ankle,as semi steroid pain relievers can cause heart trouble.so,my ankle is blown up,really painful again.oh,and lets not forget our old friend the MS.thats been playing up too.my hands have lost nearly all feeling in them,my eyes have been giving me pain,basically not a happy bunny.lol.but i am alive,i can walk,i can still care.true i take my time,yes i rest a lot more,and my diet has changed.i now eat more oily fish,packed up butter for low fat spread,sobs softly,and am more aware of my body.if i feel tired i rest,the nitro i spray under my tongue works well,and i am grateful to be here.

I should be getting the new car soon,this next week.so that is one good piece of news. mum has had so much worry over me,over being left alone,seeing me have the attack,that it has made her more vague,more out of it than she was.not her fault bless her.so,there we go.up to date on my health,or lack of lol.many,many thanks for all your kind comments and happy birthday wishes to mum,as always you are very caring friends.i can hear lucy worrying as i type this lol,please dont be concerned.i am in good hands.we swear about our health service,the lack of nurses,funding,cleanliness.etc.but i have no complaints.they have treated me so well.take care all,keep warm and well. mort.

HELLEBORUS NIGER. the christmas rose. maybe spring will make us all feel better.ya think??

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM

ANGELA JEAN LAKE BORN JANUARY 3RD 1921

THANKYOU MUM,FOR BEING THE BEST MOTHER ANYONE COULD EVER HAVE. GOD BLESS YOU,LOVE MORTON.XXXXXXXX

another year over.

WISHING EVERYONE A VERY HAPPY,PEACEFUL,AND PROSPEROUS 2009.

2008 has been a mix of good and bad. we lost jland.but we found blogspot.ok,it will never be the same but we are still here,still writng our hopes,our fears.sharing with others our lives and sharing in theirs.many of us found facebook,bebo,yearbook,so many other networking sites.new friends made. and sadly for some,friends and loved ones lost.emma in particular affected me more than even her mum knows.not that i am scared i will go like that,it is very rare for that to happen,but lucy umderstands.and lucy,you are one of the best things to come out of 2008,thankyou for your friendship.and nagging.lol.

For myself 2008 was strange.i finally accepted the MS,finally claimed all i was, and have been,entitled too,then had a bloody heart attack to round the year off.typical.lol.mum continues in reasonable health,her arthritis is bad,her gout comes and goes,thankfully not quite as bad as it was.she is getting more and more forgetful bless her.worryingly forgetful.but she is 88 on january 3rd.and she is allowed to be a bit forgetful at times.while i can i shall remain her carer.she is content i think,and hope. i have a new car to look forward to,i signed the papers yesterday and it should be here soon.i have made many new friends this year.thanks to you all,and may you all find peace and happiness in your own lives.take care all

sick talk

As many of you know i was in hospital for a week recently,where i received wonderful care from some lovely and caring people.nurses,doctors,even the ladies who brought the meals round,all dedicated,all friendly. now,bearing in mind i was rushed in having a heart attack i didnt have a lot of time to get things together to take,pam as i have said kindly visited me and took me fresh clothes.my mother bless her was in a state,naturally,and wanted to keep in touch with me.now,at each bedside in that and just about every other hospital in england,are televisision screens with a built in telephone.you either purchase cards to put in,from £5 upwards,or you use a credit or debit card to purchase credit.in my case i put on £20 which gave me television for a week and £10 on my personal phone for making calls. calls cost 10p a minute to make.not too bad is it?? well i used that £10,and Pam,bless her heart,put me another 20 on,making £30 in all.i used the lot nearly in a week.on top of that,mum was ringing me quite often,she was lonely and wanted to chat.now i pay my telephone bill through talk talk,along with AOL,american friends please note,aol uk split from the main AOL sometime ago,we go it alone lol,although we still use much of the system.this is paid every month through my credit card.the phone calls usually come to around £6 a month,not counting the line rental to BT.so yesterday i got my credit card statement,i was prepared for a shock,and i got it. instead of the £6 or so,my calls for the month came to over £75.that week in hospital cost me £70 on phonecalls,on top of the 30 i spent myself.Pam later told me her phonebill was over 46 for ringing me,and she only rung once a day,my friend angela spent 20.all in all i estimate for one week in hospital,phonecalls cost a total of over £200.£30 a day.which is a bloody rip off.i also used my mobile for txting,wish i had used it for calls.been a tenth of the price.now,when you are lying in bed,ill,you dont have any visitors,which i didnt,you get fed up,and you just want to hear a friendly voice,and to charge a double whammy,both on making the call from the hospital,and on receiving the call at the other end is a bit much.i know the technology to provide the service has to be charged for,and it is done through a private firm,but these prices are disgusting.so be warned.if you,or your loved ones have to stay in hospital,be aware of the hidden price of keeping in touch.
Wendy was kind enough to say she thought i had done a lovely tribute to Emma,so i am pleased.if she had any reservations at all i would have deleted the entry.thanks to all who commented on it.it made me cry writing it.

Well.christmas is all over,i do hope you all had good ones.i had a lovely day,so did mum.now we look forward to a new year.can i just take this oppurtunity to wish everyone a really peaceful,happy,pain free 2009.take care all

lives cut short. what MS can do.

IN MEMORY OF A BRAVE YOUNG LADY.

EMMA LOUISE HORWOOD,who fell asleep 11th November,2008,aged 21.

Thanks to Emmas mum Wendy for allowing me the privilege to show Emma as she was before MS ravaged her young body. A lovely,vibrant happy young lady.Wemdys only daughter.Whose life should have been one filled with laughter,and fun. Then along came MS.how and why Emma contracted it is still a mystery,as it is with everyone who is diagnosed with it.For some,like myself it can cause us the misery of pain,of fatigue,of dizzyness,weakness in limbs,loss of vision, it can cause embarassment of speech difficultys,of a loss of bladder control,and other complaints of a personal nature. but we survive.in fact for many Ms is often hardly noticed.every so often it "flares up",we get pain,problems,then it subsides. but sometimes it turns vicious.as happened to poor emma.She was just 17 when she was diagnosed,and because she was so young the disease was much more aggressive,in the 4 years she had left,that beautiful young lady was transformed.

It attacked her central nervous system,leaving emma needing a wheelchair,unable to walk. still enjoying her cigs though.lol.and her boyfriends love never faltered in all the time she was ill.

As the disease took hold,gradually Emma became confined to her bed,and eventually she was to become completely paralised,fed through a tube into her stomach,unable to talk,but she never lost that lovely smile.

I know from speaking to Wendy how this girl fought,chest infection after chest infection,( the main cause of death in MS sufferers) caused her to weaken.Emma had made a living will,after having to be resuscitated in hospital she determined she would never want that to happen again.She wanted to die at home.surrounded by her possessions,and her mothers,grandmothers,and boyfriends love. She made it to her 21st birthday.Wendy gave her a lovely day to remember. i still remember the birthday cake,we had 2 lots sent us by Wendy.bless you love.best cake ive ever eaten.made by one of Emmas carers.

Soon after her 21st,Emma started to get even more chest infections,anti-biotics didn't have any effect.As her mum said,it was as though she had decided it was time. She died on the 11th,November at around 1am. so why have i featured Emma so much? these photos were sent to me by her grieving mother wendy,who has become a great and lovely friend.she has helped me with my own demons,my fear of what Ms can,and perhaps will,do to me.her devotion to Emma has been a joy to see,and my heart goes out to you Wendy love. Emma deserves our admiration.NOT PITY.i dont think she ever would want pity.but she deserves to be remembered.

Also affected by the death of a beloved son is my second mom Lucy, What is left of a whole new life.her son Alan also died from complications caused by an extremely aggressive form of the disease.I had planned on adding his photos as well,but Lucy love,i am too close to alans age.i can't somehow bring myself to do it. so instead perhaps those of you who don't read her journal will go and visit.and read back.she has done her own tribute and remembrance of the son she loved.and lost so cruelly. No mother should lose their child.whatever the age of that child.in lucys case alan was in his 40s. in Wendys case,Emma was her only child. both mothers.both grieve.so should we.

Those of you reading this, many of your friends,relatives,loved ones,may have MS.many people have it with little or no side effects,only being found out during an autopsy after death. To put it in perspective,there are thought to be around 180,000 sufferers of MS in the UK alone,with maybe half as many again who have it but have no symptoms.Emma and Alan were so unlucky to have a type that took over and ravaged their nervous systems. May they rest in peace,and may a cure be found soon. It may be your son or daughter one day who needs it. I make no apologies for writing this entry.it is done out of my respect and admiration of Emma and my deep fondness for here mother Wendy.As i have for Lucy,who is always there for me when i need her. Thanks to both of you for sharing your memories and your love for your children.

MAY EMMA AND ALAN BOTH HAVE FOUND PEACE AND FREEDOM FROM PAIN.God bless them both.take care all.