its four in the morning.................

and im sat in front of this screen.  i went to bed at 12,20    and  went straight to sleep,pretty tired.   and  woke straight up again at 3,15       bloody  nigh screaming.  i have got problems in my right ankle,it resembles a small football,a conbination of MS and arthritis,swollen,extremely painful,and  making walking  difficult.  thats an understement lol.  so,i got up and put the kettle on,made a cuppa,and here i am.  fed up.  going back to doctors sometime either today or tomorrow,i also got another chest infection,my cough won't shift  and seems to be getting worse.  one thing after another,the dr.did give me arthritis tablets  the other week,but  really don't touch  the ankle,only rest helps.  and that's  not  going to happen.  

saturday i  cut the grass, fed and watered  all the hanging baskets and pots   and tomatoes,which  are doing really well,first  fruit have set.  also,they all got sprayed  with spray n grow,a special spray  only available  ( as far as i know ) from QVC  the shopping channel,look it up online    qvc.co.uk      its brilliant,its NOT a fertiliser,you still need to feed  but it causes the plants to  make better root system,to  feed more efficiently,you just spray the foliage,of basically evertthing,flowers,fruit,veg,whatever.perfectly safe and organic. i have been using it now the past 3 years and the results are  great.  huge difference.   sunday  was  cooler    typical holiday weekend weather         after lunch  went to bed  in lot of pain,   but  monday i had  all the housework to do,windows  cleaned,  usual jolly things. last  2 days  not really  done too much,its  been quite wet           and  yesterday we had a hell of a thunderstorm here in the early hours.

quick entry,going back to bed.  see if i can get another  hour or 2  before alarm goes off at  5,45       really  am feeling  down.  i spoke to  di,a fellow sufferer of ms, earlier entries  told how she had a sudden massive relapse,only just been diagnosed.  she really is suffering  bless.  and  is in a wheelchair.  i think myself lucky.  so far  im getting off light.   just  doesn't feel it  at the moment.    mums visitor comes this afternoon,so i am off to wells,  few things i need to do.   trouble is  walking about is  very painful.   really must take up drinking lol.   1 last  thing,  please  remember  lyn,a  good friend in your prayers please,she has had  health problems,and needs support.  thanks  jland.  take care all.

like old friends

on wednesday i took mum to chiropodists.  who  is  very pleased  how mums toe is looking,the infection  seems to have cleared up,my dressing  it every  day  has obviously  done the trick,although  the  toe with  the  gout  in bad,is  still very  sore,she had to cut  the uric acid crystals  out  of it again.  but  at  least  mum doesnt have to go until july to see her again,unless it gets worse.so  one  less thing to worry about. we got home around 1.30       and  after  quick lunch i  decided  to  finally go for it,and get  all the hanging baskets and containers out of greenhouse  and  into  their places.   all looking  good  now,growing away  madly.   and  my  house  looks  great  lol.   afraid today  i bought another 30 busy lizzies,so planted up another  3 hanging baskets and  2 troughs with  them.they can keep in  greenhouse until  they  get  bigger.     ok  but         watering  is  fun  lol   takes   me  good   hour  every  night,they  soon dry out      my  front faces  south  so  bakes  in  sun all day long.  i will post  pics  soon.

on  thursday  C  mums  volunteer  visitor  turned  up,as promised   at  2pm.  i  made  them both a cuppa,and  left  them  too it.  i  had  planned on going to wells,but  as  i am rather  skint,i decided  instead  to  do  the front garden,cut  the hedge  and lawn, and  clean up.       which  i did.   when i went indoors,nearly  2 hours  later  i found C  and  mum  still talking  lol        got  on  like house  on  fire.  so much  so  that  c is coming  next  thursday.        both  seem to have enjoyed  themselves,  and  mum  was  really pleased;      so  am i.   bless her,her  days are  long,and  a visit  from someone  makes  it  go so much quicker.    i  wish my  neibours,who keep promising  to call and see mum,would      instead  of promises  get  off their backsides  and  come round.    i am sure        he  said  sarcastically       it's  a  coincidence,   but  1       who  used to come round  without fail  every  2 weeks,  hasnt been to  see mum since  last  year.     just  around  the time  i found  out  it  was  MS  i  had.       now  no-one  is  so bloody  stupid  as  to think  they can  catch   it off me??  surely  not??   does  make  me wonder  though.   and  she does  seem  to  keep  well away  when i see her  outside.  hmmmm      oh  well.      thats  up  to  her.   as  for  the  old  boy  i take  xmas lunch  to,who also used to come  and  see  mum,he  also  seems  to be  keeping  away.   maybe  i should  have  UNCLEAN  painted  on front  door???   lol   kidding.        gritted  teeth  mind.

well,it's  whitsun  bank holiday. which  means         holiday  makers.        as  usual  the  roads  were  busy  today,  we  went  to fakenham     tescos     mum  to  charity  shop  to see friend as  usual.  we  went  early,and were home  just after  2pm.     now  i have  said  this  before,  but  new  readers  may have missed it.        if  you  ever  come  to  north norfolk,and  explore  our narrow  back roads,   and  indeed  some  of our  main  roads,  you will find a lot  of  these  roads  do  not  have  a white line  down the centre of the road.  many  are  very  narrow.        now,just  so you all know.      if a road  doesn't  have  a  white line  down  the centre,it  DOES NOT mean  you can take  up all the bloody  road,  neither  does  your  car  magically  shrink        so  please,   bloody well pull over        i  realise  your  nice  new  clean car  may  get  a  bit  dirty  having  to  go up  grass             but  i  stop         to  let idiots  like  you  get  by.      the  next  one  you  meet  may  not.        hence  the pile of broken mirror  glass  on  main road  through  village.   its  narrow  lol         2  cant  get  by each  other           but  they  try.  of  course  if they came  through  at  the  speed limit  which  is  20mph         maybe  they  could  stop  quicker?  oh  well,rant  over         have a lovely,safe,bank holiday.   take care all

mums company

well,the  lady  volunteer visitor  kept her word,she rang yesterday.  and is coming to see mum  thursday at  2pm        and  mum is looking forward to her coming,so  doubly  good     lol.  i shall most  probably go  to Wells          little  seaside  town  near  me    nice  in summer  to walk along  quay      it  gets  very busy in the summer.  you tourist  lot  are a funny bunch  lol          all of  the lovely places  there are  in the county           and  you come  to wells.

it  is nice          lol          looking  back  towards  the old granary  from  the harbour  office. or  i may  go for a walk  if i feel up  to it.........heres  the view  from  my   back garden.

the sea  is  beyond  that  field  of  yellow           bloody  oil seed  rape        stinks  lol.  i am lucky,i live  in a lovely  part  of  the UK,not  going  to swap  thanks.

my  flowers   are  doing  well,baskets and pots  now in full bloom,still in greenhouse  because  weather has  turned  cooler        nasty  north,north east wind blowing,and  has  been very  cold  last  2  nights.

my  rhododendrum  is  full this year         pleased  its doing  so well      

as  you see  the busy  lizzies  i bought are flowering well.      hopefully i can get them outside  the weekend.  add some colour.         well  all this talk of walking and gardening  has tired  me out        bedtime,    take care all

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a visitor calls

i had a phone call early thursday morning on my mobile.  not a number i recgonised,  it turned out to be the lady organising the volunteer  visitor  for mum      she had found a lady  willing to come and see mum .  could she bring her at 2pm?    oh  yes   please lol.  they arrived  just  after 2      the  volunteer  is a charming lady   lives in the village,and is keen to come and  have a chat  to  mum  sometimes,she will ring me  monday   and  see when  we  can arrange a day  for her to come.  i  am  going to just  nip to Wells or somewhere          let  them  have a  talk         see how  they get  on.   it  is  supposed  to   help me,let  me get  out for an hour  or  so       but  also,i see it as  someone for  mum  to  see.   to  talk  to       she  gets  lonely,  never  sees anyone  but   me, apart  from  carer  for  few  minutes  each  morning.

see,i  feel  guilty.   poor  mum  goes  out once  a week        thats  all.  money  is tight     very        and  the price  of petrol  means  i just  cant afford to take  her out  more.  we  used  to go out  on a tuesday  as well one time,  but  petrol  has  now  gone up  so  much,i  just  can't  do it  any more.   she  understands.   says  it doesn't  matter,   but  how long  has  she got  to  go out?  so  it  hurts ok?   my  mum  never  complains      but  she  does  get   lonely,and  seeing  someone  new   just  for  hour  or  so every  now  and  then  may  help  that.    i can't rely on  either  of  my 2 neighbours,one  hasn't bothered to  visit  since  last  october.     and  i know  mum  is  hurt.  evry time i see her  its,"oh  i do feel guilty.i must  come round and see jean "          yeah     right. 

for  those  who  read  my journal  from  the  USA,  petrol here         thats  gas  to  you  lol         has  got  the ridiculous  price     ( at  least  at  my local garage)  of  £1.19 per litre       around £5.40 a gallon,  or        around  11 bucks a gallon.  and  you think  $3.75  is dear??    its  all right  if  you live  in a town  or city,  you don't need a car,  but  here  it is essential,       theres  just  the coast hopper  bus going through  the village,  one way  to sheringham,  and  then    you can  get  to cromer,norwich  etc.       other  to   hunstanton,  then  kings lynn  etc.      but  its  no  good  for  me.   mum  cant  get  on  a  bus.       i  really can't  afford to run a car,but i  have  to.  somehow.    as  do  many  more   in  rural  norfolk.       we  have  no  choice.  and  with  so many  post  offices  shutting      many  people  will be  without  village  shops,pubs,  etc.     

we  did go to fakenham  yesterday,   thats  friday     as  it   is now  after  midnight,    mum  went  and  saw  tracy  in  the charity  shop  and  then  we  went  to tescos.  went early    and  were  home  by  2.30          

today  i have  been  busy,   im  still coughing  by  the  way,though  not  so bad      i  did  something  i have  been wanting  to do for ages.  i cleaned  out  the  outhouse/shed.   out  our back way    we have a  sort  of conservatory    its  like  many  council houses   back  door        a   conservatory        which  used  to be  open   and  then  it  was  made into  another   "room"   by  adding  a  large  window  and  door,  and  then  an  outhouse.   with  its  own  door.         my  cat  sleeps  in  this,  its  carpeted      and  has  a double  kitchen  base  unot  with  worktop                  sooty  is  spoiled  lol.   she  loves  laying  on  the  worktop  looking  out  of window,   and  can  get  in  and  out  through  the  window.              well  today,evrything  came  out,  a load  of  junk  has  been  chucked  out,and  i painted  it  out.          another  one  done.  in  fact  that  was  the last.          why  did  i keep  that  motor??  was  from  a  washing  machine.   bits  from  old  cars,  a  load  of  junk  has  been  dumped.          and  my  cat  got  lot  more  room  all of a  sudden  lol.      

so  its  now  1.10, and  i ache  all over.   its  been  hard  today  for  me.  i  really  had  to  force  myself  to  finish  the  job.        take  care  all   

coughs n sneezes

the fact i am writing this posting at 4am  should give a clue how i am feeling  lol.  i went to bed at 12       and woke at 3 am  coughing.  i have got a filthy cold and cough.  i called round my friend pams last friday morning  because she wanted to see me,she never told me she had a bad cold.   if she had,i wouldn't have gone round.   so not  to pleased with her.   she knows  chest infections are dangerous if you have MS       and not only that i now have to hope mum doesn't catch it.  ho well.  its getting light,and the dawn chorus is starting,  just a lightening of the sky  but that's enough for mr.blackbird.he is really giving it some  lol            obviously not got a cold  lol

i took mum out on friday shopping and  bought another 20 busy lizzies for the garden boarder,we got home fairly late  so  they went in greenhouse for  later planting.      what lovely weather we have been having,saturday i was up early,i had also bought  from Morrisons a 5 litre tub of their wood preserver         and  i gave the summer house a coat,       then  the shed        which is now 37 years old,a bit rotten in places       but still going,       it now looks a new shed.      really pleased with the quality of the product   and  it was only £4.99        good value.  i  also did the hoovering.where in hell does all the dirt come from??     oh  we are mucky lot.lol         then back out in garden boarder for an hour. my front garden is  mostly shrubs,bulbs and perennials       the bulbs  long  gone over it looked awful,  so  i cut  them all down to the ground,cleaned up any weeds  and gave the soil a dose of pelleted chicken manure,all ready for the new plants.

sunday was another lovely  warm sunny day,and after cooking and eating sunday lunch     instead of going to bed as i normally do,instead  i went back out and finished the front garden.   2 barrowfulls of rubbish  off.  planeted the busy lizzies       plus another 5 i had put in a container       and  it will give some colour for summer.       i can do with a few more of something to give a good display.      although there is always something to give colour,aqualegias and peonys are now coming out,boarder pinks  starting to come.      but  in the spaces i always  have something,and  a  lot of   the pansies i had used last autumn are  getting very straggly. i did cut some down,but i am rather ruthless,if it looks a bit poorly,up it comes.      so     good watering with the hose,and  my garden  should  look nice        especially when  the pots and baskets  go out.

the last 2 days havent been so nice,although yesterday        well ok  monday  as its now  really wednesday     was sunny  it had  a bite       the wind has moved around  to a north easterly direction        and it feels colder,   today has been  cool,grey  and overcast.   so  my hanging baskets can keep in the greenhouse for another week.       they are all doing well,in fact  a lot of te petunias  are in flower,fuschias will bloom any day.      so by the time they do go out,i  should have a good  display.

mums toe  is doing well,and although i dress it with surgical spirit between the toes    as directed  by the chiopodists,it has  healed well.   but  she still is suffering  badly  from gout.       really giving  her  a lot of pain  poor love.    well,i think i will go back to bed  for  while,now 4.25     so  this has passed a bit of time  lol         i  feel lousy,  coughing and sneezing  as  i have been typing.       i bet  i will have to end up going to drs again  for antibiotics      lovely.        oh  well   take care all

grave mistake

i decided to go and cut  the graves  today, i knew they would  be bad.  they were.  i was born in a little village called  Hindolvestone,   and lived there until me and mum moved in 1971         after  my dad  died.     he is buried in the churchyard, as are  my grandparents,      i try and go over  every 3  to  4  weeks and do the graves.        put some flowers on, keep them tidy.   it  was bloody hard work.  i couldnt even see  my grand dads grave stone,  and dads  was pretty much the same.   i took the old hayter lawnmower  to do it,      and  now they are neat and tidy.    i don't understand the church council,no-one seems to do anything in there       it really is a disgrace.     what annoys me is,i go and  do dads,and  my grandparents,but  i don't do just  them. i also do the graves  near  theirs,it takes me about 20 minutes extra.   now there is  someone who cares   for several graves  up there, the relations  of those buried  pay him to tend the graves  and keep them cut.       and  thats what he does.    he cuts one,   and 2 down, etc.   but instead of just running his mower along and cutting the others      he ignores them.    oh well,  i did my bit.

Hindolvestone churchyard is away from the church.      it is on the site of the OLD church, which collapsed  back in the late 1800s         i was always told  that  there was a crack showing up in the tower,and the parishioners decided to cancel  church service that sunday.        and  it collapsed.       just  when people wouldve been at prayer. all that is left is the old tower,  the new church is opposite the bungalow i used to live, a very uninspiring looking church,and  was made partly by the recycled stones of the old one.   

as you see,not a lot left  now.   i think the ivy is keeping it standing  lol.   

it was peaceful up there, no-one else there   and all the noise  i could hear were wood pigeond calling.           and  as i cut the grass,i was remembering.              like all villages        or  most, in norfolk. Hindol   is a dying place.       oh,new houses  built,in fact  a lot.      but  there is nothing there now.   i am 55,and when i was 11        hindolvestone  boasted  :- 2 pubs,the Red Lion   and the  Maids Head ( i was actually born  in that lol       my  mum was landlady.   thay packed it in when i was born    too much work for mum.)  3 shops,1 included the post office,  and  1      kept everything      you name it,hardware , clothes   ,groceries       the lot.        a garage and filling station.    ok   1 pump  lol        but  petrol was sold,   a dairy        supplying  locals and further afield.       a  school,       where i went  until i won the eleven plus and  ended up in Fakenham Grammar school      not  happy memories  those  lol.     on top of all these, we also used to have the  fish man come round twice a week,    butcher  also twice a week,and  norman macrell      who operated a mobile shop.  him and  his wife ruth  were from the  next village,and kept the local shop there and bakery.he came round  3 times a week,         so  everything  was freshly bought.      meat,fish,bread,  nothing was pre-packed.      and  of course  my dad  had a huge vegetable garden         and we grew all our own   fruit and veg.

all gone.      hindol  has no shop,no post office,no pub.     the  school is now the village hall,and social club.        the petrol pumps are gone,and  like many more villages,half the houses are second homes,holiday homes       sad to see         but inevitable.     i'm not  getting into the    "supermarkets are killing traditional village life"  argument.     people shop where they can get  the cheapest items.       i do myself.    but  it is sad.     and  i don't suppose many people there even would remember  me and  mum.  

i got home    tired out.  it was a lovely hot morning,       and  the mower did take some pushing.      now  i have noticed that  when i am tired  i get a tremor in my right arm,     not  bad usually.      it was today.            i made mum a cup of tea,took hers through to her,     and  my  hand jerked.           and           goodbye  mums favourite cup and saucer.         good job  i didn't spill it over  her.        oh the joys  of MS,    and  so i sit here tonight  typing this,and i stink.       lol           i had to use a muscle rub,  just  to help ease the pain in  my neck  and  legs.          take care  all         

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pain' for my pain

well,as  you may expect        i am in agony   lol       i finished the course of steroids  monday,and  whether  my body misses them i'm not sure          but  i have been in  really bad pain  last 2 days.        i did manage to repair  my garden bench yesterday,  after  all the exertions in the pond i sort of flopped down  a bit  too hard                it broke  lol      2 slats rotted through.         so  that is done       and  also cut all the grass          but  i do realise  i must pace  myself a bit better, but if i feel ok        or at least  better than i sometimes feel, i do as much as i possibly can,       no telling what  tomorrow will bring.

mum has been in bed for ages          went at 9.30,she has got a filthy cold into her,no idea where she caught it from,but  she really is sniffling.          i am pleased with her toe,  i dress it every morning,  and it looks a lot better now.       the gout  seems to be here to stay,and continues to really  pain her.   anyway,  i think it is my bedtime,  take care all

dust to mud

took mum to drs. friday,  had  her blood tests done,  which  as  the district nurse had been only 2 weeks before was pretty daft.J the practise nurse  said  mum now  only need have it taken evry 3 months     and  as  the bloody district  nurse  is  useless ( last  time she came           she forgot plaster to put over test puncture !!!!    had  to use one of ours.         oh  deary  me   )     i am taking mum in to surgery  to have it done.        then we went shopping early,as    being a bank holiday    weekend  we were expecting  fakenham to be busy.        glad  we did   Tescos had just had a load of bedding plants in   £3 for 30           2 trays of busy lizzies,       in Morrisons  4  fuschias £1.99          so  all the plants  got.             then   Focus,   for potting compost               and  3 bags  for price  of 2.    shows   you neednt  spend a fortune.        we  were home  by  3pm.

 i unpacked            and  started work in greenhouse         got  few  pots  sorted ready  for summer show,last  year  i was feeling so ill i didnt  have much of a show, at  least  this  year  i  now  KNOW  why  i feel  bad          and  dont  worry  so much about it.   worked  in greenhouse  til 6      

saturday i was up early,  i am afraid  those  pansies i was boasting about last week had got "leggy"  and were getting covered in whitefly,   which is what usually happens with  winter flowering pansies when the weather gets warmer.   so  out they all came,  the  good ones,some  12 or more  have  been used in side boarder in garden  so not  been wasted.  and  the baskets  have now been planted with a fuschia and busy lizzies and petunias.        all the plants  were planted  out          and  my greenhouse has  the baskets and pots  ready for putting outside  end of the month.   even  repaired an  obelisk that stands near my summer house with a clematis montana   climbing  up it        it had  snapped a leg              all done.               so         a nice  day in the garden   as i also sprayed the paths and  around fruit bushes with weedol.             

rightly assume  sunday  i ached  lol          just  cooked  lunch, a yummy  roast  chicken         and  went to bed,      thank god  i finished  those steroids tonight         i eat like a horse on them  lol                   and  putting  on weight        least  chest  feels  lot better.

today      bank holiday monday  has  been  that  rarest  of  things             a  lovely  warm sunny day,  so  i   was up  by 7        we  cancelled  mums carer for today,no need for mum to get up so early,         and  i was out in garden  by  9.30          for  today  was        pond cleaning  day !!!           as  my  mate  not been in touch,and  as  my fish  couldnt be seen          i  cleaned it myself.        i fill an old plastic linen basket        tall solid plastic one  with water        catch fish           and  oh  look     3  newts  and some  tiny  baby  ones               any  insects          etc          and   they  keep in that  until done.         its  a long slow  laborious job,  takes  over  150 buckets  to empty  it         i attach a rope          chuck  bucket  in,pull out              empty  onto  garden        check  nothing  has  been  trapped                 back           oh  hell            suffice  to say,it  took until  5.30  to finish.       i  have  big flints  all round  it         rockery plants  growing,   see pictures.                so   another  job  done,   happy  clean  fish                 and  i ache          lol        

this  is what  it looks like  now          

and  that  big  black hole          was  what  it  looked  like  before  all the   water  and  rocks  went  back         its  about  8  by 6    by  around  4ft 6 deep at  deepest  point.   

and  the pump works.       after  a hard  bang  from a hammer  to free it  lol.       so  job  done.  i   love  my pond,it's  peaceful there.       when  we  moved  here  15 years ago,the garden  was  overgrown,and  there was a rockery  here.       welll,actually   what  i found  it  was,after wondering why  nothing seemed to grow on it ,      was a rubbish  dump.      huge  pile of   fire ash,tins,bottles,a milk crate,         all covered over  with old fertiliser bags          and a inch  of  soil        no  wonder  the poor sempervivums  were  looking  sick  on it  lol         and  a  lot of weeds.  a  good  mate  did  most  of the clearing  and  digging..          just  shows  what  can be done.

finally,        can i just  say thanks  for  kind  comments,   about  my  lovely  friends   dear  brother            she  was  deeply touched               and  thanks jland          take care all