Sunday, 17 August 2008

a grave mistake part one

amazonian rain forest maybe???

whats that lurking  behind all those weeds???

this is how i found  my dads  and  granddads  graves  yesterday.  Hindolvestone church yard and  the graves have  featured  before in my journal,   but this time  i was horrified.  i honestly had no idea where my grandparents graves  were at first.  dads was  bad enough.  now,ok  it is my fault you can say,i haven't been to do them in ages,mainly  because i  have to load  the mower into car,drive 17 miles  unload,cut graves       repeat. and  i  really havent felt well enough to do them.  i didn't yesterday,my ankle is killing  me,but  i loaded car,had got  some nice flowers  i had bought,  and  went  to hindol to do them.  i was there  nearly  2 bloody hours.   absolutely exhausted,and  seething.  i keep cutting 4 more graves  besides   my families,1 of which is next  to dads,  the family  of that  persons  grave know i am ill.    and  would have  seen the state  of my dads  grave,       so,dont  you think  that  just  maybe,they could have  cut  it for me when they cut  theres  last  week or whenever??  that  was  all neatly  cut.      oh  no.   so,i am afraid  i  didnt  cut the other ones i normally  do.   i  was  too tired.     maybe  its  me,but  i  was  rather  annoyed.

anyway,got home,had  quick  sandwich,and  straight  out  into  garden.       yes,full moon this  week,lol.   i  had  to take down baskets  and  bags.  they have flowered themselves  out.  i  still have  3  baskets and 4 wall baskets  with  just  the fuschias left in them.  all the busy lizzies and petunias  were removed.  and  they still look good. sometime i will post a pic.    i also,   as  i  was  doing  it,cleaned the boarder  up,removed all the dead bedding,and  planted  4  geraniums  i had  in pots.   looks  clean and  tidy.  should  do,i  took 5  barrowloads of rubbish  off.      collapsed  in chair  after  i can tell you.

today,  i  leapt  out  of bed  with  a song  in  my.......................ok   i  cant  move  lol.   who said  serves  you right  mort??    you  quite right  it does.    my  ankle  is  trying  to  turn into a football,my  legs  ache,i didnt  sleep  too good,as i was in  pain.    so  why did i do it???   bear  in mind  i  did  cook a full roast  lunch  today,but  thats  all i have  done,i went to bed after  lunch.    slept  nearly 3 hours.   so   why??   why  do it all at  once??

the trouble  with  MS,is  its such a deceptive  disease.  when  in remittance,and  i am feeling  reasonably ok  i  can  get  on and  do  stuff,  bearing  in mind  i have  3  crushed  discs  in my lower  back,  and  had  a discectomy  15  years  ago,  so  pain  is  something  i live  with  every  day.      but.       and  this  is  where  i  went  wrong  back in january,  i  thought  MS  was  just  another  ache,another pain,one i can ignore,like  i can  mostly  with my  back.   take  things  easy,i will be ok.   no  worries .   what  i hadnt  realised        not  until a few  weeks ago  is,MS  moves  the goal posts.  just  as you think         i  can  cope  with  this,it  changes.hits  you with something  else.

I really havent  said  too much  before now  about  how  it affects  me.   oh,you know  i  have  pain,swallowing  troubles    bad  ankle.         well,i  had  called  this journal  "caring and sharing"         because  its  what  i do,  i  care  for  mum  24/7/365.   it  was  supposed  to be about my  life  caring  for  her,  and  i  thought         well,its  turning  into  "mortys  got   MS"   so  i deliberately  have  tried  to  keep  a  lot  back.   i  had  a  good  moan  in an earlier   posting.   i  didnt  want  to  come  over  as  being  "brave"  in  caring  for  mum  whilst  having   MS.    then  a  comment  from  guido  made  me  stop and  think,maybe  i should    speak  more  of  the  MS,     because  maybe,out  there  in  jland    there  is someone  reading  this,who has  just  been diagnosed,or  who  has  MS  and  isnt  coping  well.        so,  bear  with  me  for  a  while. lets  just  explain  what   this  vile  disease  is,how  it  affects  me,and  where  i am going  from here.  i shall post  this  now,part 2  will follow shortly.   please  bear  with  me. take care all


jhorky said...

Mort, all I can do is sit and relive your disease with you., and yes shed a tear for you or with you.  And I am being petty over a comment or 2.  Mort, god bless you.  You are what I call a good friend.  Lucy

mjgm1954 said...

hey mort! you are a real person Mort, and you have a real disease. anybody who cant handle that should not read your journal. life isnt always a fairy tale for most of us, nor does it wrap everything up in a nice , cute happy ending like television and movies.  i like you as a person m.s. or no m.s.
as far as the graves are concerned, yes the people should be ashamed for their lack of humanity. but you just do as feel best dear man. i have told my children to please cremate my remains. i dont want them feeling quilty for not caring for my grave. they dont visit much while i am alive so i dont expect anything when i am dead.,  lol   afterall this body is just a shell i look forward to my real body once I am gone home to heaven.   much love, your friend , jun

preciousone25 said...

I sure hope you are feeling better again very soon.... you did way too much cutting the grass, etc.   You have to pay attention to your limitations.  

Take Care,

dsonney01 said...

Actually the pictures are rather pretty. Sorry you had so much work to do, I don't understand why families had to tend the grounds for the cemetery? Is it because they are privately owned? Curious- Hope you are feeling better, you must take care of yourself as well as Mom. Dannelle

jeanno43 said...

Mort, first let me say I am so sorry about the graves and yes, I do think someone could have done it for you.  I am lucky my parents are in a lawn cemetery that is maintained by the council.  Secondly, I am so glad you are being more open and honest about your MS.  It helps you get some of the frustration out of your system and may well help others who are diagnosed.  You rant as much as you want to.

jaymact1 said...

Hi Mort so sorry to see the mess in the graveyard. Up here in Scotland our graves are all tended free of charge and are all kept beautiful.  I think we all tend to do too much when we are having a good day did the same sort of thing last week. Take care./ Love Joan.

lanurseprn said...

I'm shocked at the condition of the graves. I never heard of having to cut the grass yourself? Out here the graves are maintained by the cemetery, or church. I'm sorry the other person didn't think to cut yours too. That was just rude.

It's good to see you opening up in these entries. It gives me a better idea of what you go through on a daily basis.
Take care of yourself. Sending you a hug.
Love Pam

midwestvintage said...

 The graves are all mowed here by the cemetery so I never had to worry about that thank goodness.  It must be terrible for you when your not feeling well yourselves and shame on the other person for not pitching in.  Personally I think it is good to  write about your illness, for someone who has it that may read your journal and for you.  Take care


funnyface0s0 said...

Hello Mort, what a shock to find the graves in such a state, and i don;t think anyone would blame you for tending your family graves only.   I know you like to think of your blog as your experiences of caring for your Mum, but your MS is all part of that and if you are happy to write about it then you should, it in no way detracts from all the care you give your Mum.
Big Luv from Jaynee on holiday XX

linnpooh said...

How awful about the graves....I cannot even imagine how you must have felt, finding them this way. Doesn't the cemetary mow and trim for you? Here, in the area I live in, they have a cemetary care taker that mows right up to the grave stone. But you are so right, Why someone else wouldn't have done that, I dodn't know. When we go to my Grandparent's grave, we always clean up around us too, it's just the right thing to do. So sorry that this happened to sorry.

Pooh Hugs,