another year over.

WISHING EVERYONE A VERY HAPPY,PEACEFUL,AND PROSPEROUS 2009.

2008 has been a mix of good and bad. we lost jland.but we found blogspot.ok,it will never be the same but we are still here,still writng our hopes,our fears.sharing with others our lives and sharing in theirs.many of us found facebook,bebo,yearbook,so many other networking sites.new friends made. and sadly for some,friends and loved ones lost.emma in particular affected me more than even her mum knows.not that i am scared i will go like that,it is very rare for that to happen,but lucy umderstands.and lucy,you are one of the best things to come out of 2008,thankyou for your friendship.and nagging.lol.

For myself 2008 was strange.i finally accepted the MS,finally claimed all i was, and have been,entitled too,then had a bloody heart attack to round the year off.typical.lol.mum continues in reasonable health,her arthritis is bad,her gout comes and goes,thankfully not quite as bad as it was.she is getting more and more forgetful bless her.worryingly forgetful.but she is 88 on january 3rd.and she is allowed to be a bit forgetful at times.while i can i shall remain her carer.she is content i think,and hope. i have a new car to look forward to,i signed the papers yesterday and it should be here soon.i have made many new friends this year.thanks to you all,and may you all find peace and happiness in your own lives.take care all

sick talk

As many of you know i was in hospital for a week recently,where i received wonderful care from some lovely and caring people.nurses,doctors,even the ladies who brought the meals round,all dedicated,all friendly. now,bearing in mind i was rushed in having a heart attack i didnt have a lot of time to get things together to take,pam as i have said kindly visited me and took me fresh clothes.my mother bless her was in a state,naturally,and wanted to keep in touch with me.now,at each bedside in that and just about every other hospital in england,are televisision screens with a built in telephone.you either purchase cards to put in,from £5 upwards,or you use a credit or debit card to purchase credit.in my case i put on £20 which gave me television for a week and £10 on my personal phone for making calls. calls cost 10p a minute to make.not too bad is it?? well i used that £10,and Pam,bless her heart,put me another 20 on,making £30 in all.i used the lot nearly in a week.on top of that,mum was ringing me quite often,she was lonely and wanted to chat.now i pay my telephone bill through talk talk,along with AOL,american friends please note,aol uk split from the main AOL sometime ago,we go it alone lol,although we still use much of the system.this is paid every month through my credit card.the phone calls usually come to around £6 a month,not counting the line rental to BT.so yesterday i got my credit card statement,i was prepared for a shock,and i got it. instead of the £6 or so,my calls for the month came to over £75.that week in hospital cost me £70 on phonecalls,on top of the 30 i spent myself.Pam later told me her phonebill was over 46 for ringing me,and she only rung once a day,my friend angela spent 20.all in all i estimate for one week in hospital,phonecalls cost a total of over £200.£30 a day.which is a bloody rip off.i also used my mobile for txting,wish i had used it for calls.been a tenth of the price.now,when you are lying in bed,ill,you dont have any visitors,which i didnt,you get fed up,and you just want to hear a friendly voice,and to charge a double whammy,both on making the call from the hospital,and on receiving the call at the other end is a bit much.i know the technology to provide the service has to be charged for,and it is done through a private firm,but these prices are disgusting.so be warned.if you,or your loved ones have to stay in hospital,be aware of the hidden price of keeping in touch.
Wendy was kind enough to say she thought i had done a lovely tribute to Emma,so i am pleased.if she had any reservations at all i would have deleted the entry.thanks to all who commented on it.it made me cry writing it.

Well.christmas is all over,i do hope you all had good ones.i had a lovely day,so did mum.now we look forward to a new year.can i just take this oppurtunity to wish everyone a really peaceful,happy,pain free 2009.take care all

lives cut short. what MS can do.

IN MEMORY OF A BRAVE YOUNG LADY.

EMMA LOUISE HORWOOD,who fell asleep 11th November,2008,aged 21.

Thanks to Emmas mum Wendy for allowing me the privilege to show Emma as she was before MS ravaged her young body. A lovely,vibrant happy young lady.Wemdys only daughter.Whose life should have been one filled with laughter,and fun. Then along came MS.how and why Emma contracted it is still a mystery,as it is with everyone who is diagnosed with it.For some,like myself it can cause us the misery of pain,of fatigue,of dizzyness,weakness in limbs,loss of vision, it can cause embarassment of speech difficultys,of a loss of bladder control,and other complaints of a personal nature. but we survive.in fact for many Ms is often hardly noticed.every so often it "flares up",we get pain,problems,then it subsides. but sometimes it turns vicious.as happened to poor emma.She was just 17 when she was diagnosed,and because she was so young the disease was much more aggressive,in the 4 years she had left,that beautiful young lady was transformed.

It attacked her central nervous system,leaving emma needing a wheelchair,unable to walk. still enjoying her cigs though.lol.and her boyfriends love never faltered in all the time she was ill.

As the disease took hold,gradually Emma became confined to her bed,and eventually she was to become completely paralised,fed through a tube into her stomach,unable to talk,but she never lost that lovely smile.

I know from speaking to Wendy how this girl fought,chest infection after chest infection,( the main cause of death in MS sufferers) caused her to weaken.Emma had made a living will,after having to be resuscitated in hospital she determined she would never want that to happen again.She wanted to die at home.surrounded by her possessions,and her mothers,grandmothers,and boyfriends love. She made it to her 21st birthday.Wendy gave her a lovely day to remember. i still remember the birthday cake,we had 2 lots sent us by Wendy.bless you love.best cake ive ever eaten.made by one of Emmas carers.

Soon after her 21st,Emma started to get even more chest infections,anti-biotics didn't have any effect.As her mum said,it was as though she had decided it was time. She died on the 11th,November at around 1am. so why have i featured Emma so much? these photos were sent to me by her grieving mother wendy,who has become a great and lovely friend.she has helped me with my own demons,my fear of what Ms can,and perhaps will,do to me.her devotion to Emma has been a joy to see,and my heart goes out to you Wendy love. Emma deserves our admiration.NOT PITY.i dont think she ever would want pity.but she deserves to be remembered.

Also affected by the death of a beloved son is my second mom Lucy, What is left of a whole new life.her son Alan also died from complications caused by an extremely aggressive form of the disease.I had planned on adding his photos as well,but Lucy love,i am too close to alans age.i can't somehow bring myself to do it. so instead perhaps those of you who don't read her journal will go and visit.and read back.she has done her own tribute and remembrance of the son she loved.and lost so cruelly. No mother should lose their child.whatever the age of that child.in lucys case alan was in his 40s. in Wendys case,Emma was her only child. both mothers.both grieve.so should we.

Those of you reading this, many of your friends,relatives,loved ones,may have MS.many people have it with little or no side effects,only being found out during an autopsy after death. To put it in perspective,there are thought to be around 180,000 sufferers of MS in the UK alone,with maybe half as many again who have it but have no symptoms.Emma and Alan were so unlucky to have a type that took over and ravaged their nervous systems. May they rest in peace,and may a cure be found soon. It may be your son or daughter one day who needs it. I make no apologies for writing this entry.it is done out of my respect and admiration of Emma and my deep fondness for here mother Wendy.As i have for Lucy,who is always there for me when i need her. Thanks to both of you for sharing your memories and your love for your children.

MAY EMMA AND ALAN BOTH HAVE FOUND PEACE AND FREEDOM FROM PAIN.God bless them both.take care all.

hale n hearty. sort of

well,many thanks first of all.i have had so many comments and emails,even the odd get well card,its very kind of you all to be so concerned. so,how do i feel? well apart from the odd angina twinge when i have done too much,which is soon abated by the nitro spray i always carry,pretty good considering. i went to my drs yesterday to discuss my MS tablets,as one of them warns of an increased risk of heart problems,luckily it meant the heart rate,so i am ok. dr.M apologised and said the ECG the surgery took,gave no indication i was having such a massive heart attack as i had,and that had he had any idea he would have called for the ambulance to go straight to the surgery.said from the report i am very lucky to be alive. hopefully that will be the end of any problems. i must say i feel ok,and am carrying on life as normal.

One good piece of news,i have been awarded mobility allowance at long last,even got some back dated money so christmas is a bit nicer. i have decided to take a car in lieu of the money,and am getting a new Ford Fiesta 3 door,1.25 petrol.should be here in 3 weeks. they just take your mobility allowance and the car is yours,every 3 years they allow you to change it for a new one. it payed to appeal to the tribunal. but it does make me annoyed that i and many more disabled,have to resort to having to appeal to get this money.in my case,3 appeals.but at least i did get it.

since i have been home i have been taking things easy,and we are looking forward to christmas day. now normally i take old B up the road his christmas dinner,but i arent this year. he told me he was fine,and not to bother.and as he didnt even bother to come and see my mum when i was in hospital,or ring her to see if she was ok,that is fine with me. the spirit of christmas? no,i know,but i really dont care.

it has been a year since i was diagnosed with MS,december 20th the anniversary.how fast this year has flown by.sadly some lovely people have passed on this year,and one,emma,in particular affected me badly. the next entry i do,is going to be a tribute to those who have been less fortunate than myself with their MS.Emmas mum,my dear friend Wendy,sent me a copy of Emmas funeral service,with a lovely photo of what emma looked like before the ravages of Ms took hold.she has given me permission to use them,as has my lovely friend Lucy,whos beloved son alan has been dead for 16 years. i am going to do it so those who have no idea can see just what this evil disease does. so far i am lucky. i shall try to make it a fitting tribute to 2 lovely people. sometime over the next week or so.

lastly,can i wish all my friends and readers,A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS,AND A JOYOUS AND PEACEFUL NEW YEAR. thanks for reading this journal.and for giving me the chance to know you all through your own writings. take care all.

whole hearted thankyous

Last tuesday i had the misfortune,putting it mildly,to suffer a massive heart attack. i hadn't been feeling well for several days,pains in my left arm,a "tight" feeling in my chest,sweaty.so on monday i had rung my Drs surgery to make an appointment for the following afternoon. Tuesday morning i went over to my friend pams and took her to her dr at Melton Constable for a check up on her knee.she has had a replacement operation and was due to have it checked. i felt lousy so after dropping her at hers i drove home. realising something was wrong,i decided to go up our local hall,as my dr.comes here every tuesday and friday. i was first in to see him,and after examining me,he asked me to go to Wells health centre,some 4 miles away to have an ECG trace done.by this time i was in severe pain.i got to the surgery,explained at reception and was called into the nurses room.she wired me up,read the trace,said i think dr.M should see this.he soon arrived back,looked at the ECG and asked if i felt able to drive home.he would arrange for an ambulance to come and take me to hospital. so i drove,another 4 miles back home.now,by this time i was literally screaming in pain.the last 2 miles i just dont remember doing.i got home,parked the car,staggered indoors.(already having rung and warned my poor mum i was going into hospital,) and co;;apsed on the ground.agony.a tight band wound round my chest,my arms were on fire,i couldnt get any air into my lungs.i managed to grab a few things together to take with me,and just prayed.because i really thought i was going to die.mum was frantic,our friend brian pulled up,alerted by mums phone call,at the same time as the paramedic.mr.cool himself lol.no worries old mate,said he,shoving a bloody great canula in my hand,we will soon stop the pain.morphine injected.and...................sod all relief.i was yelling by this time.the big ambulance then pulled up,and 2 very nice ambulance personell came trotting in.paper work sorted,i was whisked in a wheelchair to the waiting ambulance,and away we roared.30 miles to the Norfolk and Norwich hospital.i was given more morphine on the way by the medic but it just didnt do any good.they had radioed ahead,and as we stopped at the door of the Coronary Care Unit,we were met by 2 nurses and a doctor,i was transferred to a bed,wired up to monitors,all calm,professional,wonderful care.within 5 minutes a dr.explained"morton,you are having a massive heart attack,another 30 minutes and you will be dead,so i am injecting you with a clot busting drug to break up the blockage causing the awful pain,there are possible side effects,but if i dont,you are going to die".no contest lol.within 5 minutes i started to feel easier,as the pain slowly subsided.within 20 minutes i was relatively pain free.i had to lay quietly for 3 hours,and was then moved to a side room.after 2 days i was moved to the main ward.on monday i was given an agiogram,and as luckily i had the "main man" as one of the nurses said lol,the damage to the artery was repaired,and a stent put in then and there. i was allowed home yesterday,tuesday.a week to the day. MY GRATEFUL THANKS TO THE WONDERFUL DOCTORS AND NURSES,AND ALL THE STAFF OF THE NORFOLK AND NORWICH HOSPITAL. AND TO THE PARAMEDICS AND AMBULANCE STAFF.

Finally. my heartfelt thanks to jeannette for her updates on me.for all my friends on blogspot,facebook,the 50s romance chatroom,angela for ringing me,bless you hun.bernie, as well as nina,who actually tried to visit,but due to a virus at the hospital wasnt allowed in,and my lovely,special friend lyn. you never forget me hun.and im honoured to call you my friend, you always think of me.THANKYOU ALL FOR YOUR KIND WISHES. TAKE CARE ALL,MORT.