SAD NEWS.

I have already posted on facebooks call for support a short time ago,but i know many of you do not use facebook. i have just heard from my dear friend Margaret over in Northern Ireland,that her beloved sister Sheila just lost her fight against cancer.i know Margaret is devastated at the loss,and i mourn her sisters passing.please pray for Margaret,she is a good friend,who has always been there for me when i was down.thankyou all.

Also,i do not know how many of you saw the article on the young 15 year old terminally ill cancer sufferer Alice in the news? she has just started a new blog,alices bucket list about all the things she wants to do in the time she has left.Alice's Bucket List: Hello :) will take you to her blog.i was humbled to read this amazing girls blog. It puts my problems into a different perspective. please leave a comment for Alice,she deserves it.

And finally,i am sorry i haven't posted lately,or been reading blogs.somehow i lost my way,what with breaking up with my friend,( and yes,we are STILL friends,we speak on phone every week)worry about mum,who is getting very forgetful and vague,and in so much pain with arthritis,not to mention a very nasty septic finger that required a course of antibiotics to shift,my own health problems,MS is bad,and my back is making me very depressed and down.All came together recently and i just had enough. money worries do not help either i may add.I hope i can put the past behind me now and move on,so hopefully more posts will be appearing soon.Thanks to Lucy,Herrad,and Beth,and of course Guido for keeping in touch with me,and indeed many more of you have sent emails and messages asking how i am,very kind of you all.

FOR ALL THOSE IN PAIN,SUFFERING THE LOSS OF LOVED ONES,THE SICK,TERMINALLY ILL,AND THOSE WHO ARE SAD AND DEPRESSED,MAY YOU ALL FIND PEACE,and for those who believe,let us pray that cancer and other serious diseases will one day be cured. thankyou for reading,take care all. Mort xx

alone again,naturally.

Those of my readers on Facebook may have noticed my relationship status has changed to single. again. i deliberately removed the notification off news feed,also off Myras. but i posted a comment,and a few put 2 and 2 together. and many thanks for all the nice messages of support i received.so what happened several have asked?well,its just the culmination of several things really,nobody to blame. i am a carer,and i just don't get the time to give,3 hours a week is not enough for any relationship,however often you phone each other,and we both have been hurt badly in the past.MS has played a part as well,the reason for that i will keep private.Myra is a lovely,wonderful lady,and i wish her well. and i really mean that.yes i was upset,yes i was hurt and angry, but as someone once said,never cry over that which once gave you joy. for the last 11 months myra has been part of my life. (and thankyou for that. i shall never forget you.xx) we will see each other sometimes,perhaps,i hope we remain friends. but i do
want to wish her every happiness. i will write more of what MS can ruin in a relationship some other time. not that that was the main reason we parted.
Ok,so that is the sad news,on a more positive note the beta blockers appear to be keeping the angina in check.which is good news.i am still waiting to see E.N.T about voice,and the O.T. has got me a new shower handle fitted,a shower chair,and a new wheelchair is coming for mum.which will help to make life easier for both. thankyou for your kind comments about my post on OCD,alli was so touched.she told me it made so much difference knowing other people understand just what she is going through.
spring hopefully is on the way,a few nice warmish,sunnny days have helped. the daffodils are in full bloom,snowdrops are finished as are crocus.and of course,........THE DUCKS ARE BACK.lol. yes,they are swimming away on the pond again. making a mess,pulling the weed about,but who cares?it means the awful cold of winter will soon be a memory. take care all.

OCD.thankyou Alli

I'm twenty years of age,

Used to think I'd be somewhere by this stage,

But I have a mental illness called, OCD,

And it's taken a big part of my life from me

I've buried my ambitions deep in my soul,

So many may think that my life has no goal,

But I know if I pursued them I'd only find,

That OCD would take over and consume my mind,

In a survey, my full time occupation would be,

Struggling through each day, only focussing on me,

Inviting me out is something you shouldn't do,

Because the outcome will be a disappointment for you

To be more precise, and to show that I care,

I'll tell you what happens when the outing day's here,

I spend hours getting ready, but when I do something wrong,

It must be re-done 'til my anxiety has gone

What could you do so wrong? You might ask,

Well just brushing my hair can be an hour long task,

Because my every movement is controlled by "The Voice",

It shows me no mercy, no reasoning, nor choice

I've become mistrusting of others, so when they are kind,

I feel a hidden agenda must be in mind,

Who would take any interest in me?

I don't deserve it, I'm unworthy

I've taken to chatting to old friends online,

Jealousy consumes me their lives are not mine,

Pursuing their dreams, countless nights out of fun,

Then there's me, who for months cannot think of one

For the truth is I live like a prisoner in my home,

Then only I can judge me if I'm all alone,

I feel I've failed life, so deserve this fate,

I'm on the road to recovery, but a cure I await.

I want to be honest, to tell everyone I'm ill,

But what would they think of me? What would they feel?

"Sorry to hear that". You'll be better soon".

Might be their kind words, but would they think "What a loon".?

But I wouldn't blame them if they didn't understand,

For I was the same before life dealt me this hand,

I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I've become,

A fully grown woman that depends on her Mum

I've lost my independence, I rely on others to guide me,

For a small task for you, I feel self accomplishment can never be,

My feelings are anger, guilt and despair,

For taking others time, but still getting nowhere

So now when you look at me, what do you see?

A strange, quiet girl, hiding from society?

Well if you do, then you are wrong,

I'm battling a mental illness, but one day I'll be strong

by ALLI FIRMAGE, 2007,STIFFKEY,NORFOLK,UK
That was written by someone who knows what it is to be in the grip of OCD,obsessive-compulsive disorder. imagine having to do,and redo,the same task,over and over again,because it just isnt "right".imagine washing your hands,over,and over,and over.until they are red raw and bleeding.imagine cleaning your house from top to bottom,every single day,and sometimes,2,3,times a day if some unsuspecting visitor has sat on a chair you just cleaned.imagine.
Now,imagine a pretty young lady,late teens,early 20s,going out for the night.and having to take as long as 6 hours to do it.well,that is the reality that Alli has to face,each time she wants to go somewhere.Her and so many more.my lovely friend Debs,all those years ago,i went to see her one day,and she was at the sink,washing her hands,she had been bleaching the worktops.with no gloves.and her hands were bleeding.and she would do that up to 5 times a day.
Alli is slowly improving,as she says,she can have some control over how she does things now,she posted the poem today on Facebook,i saw it,i cried. and i am asking you,my readers,if you could copy that poem,and perhaps post it on your blog,Facebook,whatever social networking site you use,whatever you can do.please give credit to alli and mention her name.it deserves to be read by a far wider audience than just her friend list.will you do that if you can please???
Why am I posting it on my blog?? because there is a stigma attached to OCD,it is badly misunderstood,people think it is all "in the mind" that the sufferer is not trying,that he or she should "pull themselves together,snap out of it",that they cannot be right in the head.(my personal all time favourite,that one,very caring that is ).and because i also have it.oh,not bad.nowhere as bad as Alli.i can manage to keep it under control,and it is mainly having to do things in a certain order,etc.i can manage to break the cycle.but i KNOW what Alli goes through.and Debs,and so many more.like MS it is not understood,people think just because we look ok we are ok.ask Alli if she FEELS ok.or me.and then give thanks to whatever greater being you believe in,that YOU don't have it.or your son,daughter,whoever.
I believe it took a lot of courage for Alli to post that today on her home page on Facebook.it took guts.and she deserves our,YOUR,admiration and respect. and maybe,just maybe,it can help someone else out there in what i still call Jland.thankyou for reading,thankyou if you repost.take care all.mort. with many grateful thanks to Alli Firmage,and to all those who suffer from OCD.

life goes on.

i am so sorry i haven't been on here lately,not even been reading my beloved lucys blog,and i apologise. lot been going on in my life.i was rushed into hospital a few weeks ago,i had been feeling very ill the night before,an angina attack,but it was odd as i had been taking it easy that day.(honestly,lol) the next morning i still had bad pains in my arms so rang Drs.they asked me to go up and see the nurse for an ECG,i got there at 8.30.sat there feeling ill,and got called in.she asked me to lie on bed,connected me up,gave me ECG,looked at printout,smiled at me,said wont be a second morton,just take this to Dr.M,came back 5 minutes later,and said...............ambulance is on its way mate,lie there still please.omg.i shall cut a lot out as it will take too long to write,but i had to ring myra,mum,and then was taken to hospital. shame the damn ambulance was faulty,over 3000 RPM it shook,lol.the attendant told me it was fine night before,they got the call from surgery about me,hit the road,the lady friver put her foot down,and he got shook out of his seat.lol.he was pretty sure i wasnt having an attack,his ECG was ok,so we took it easy.even so it was...........interesting.taken into A and E,ECG,blood tests,anti clotting drug into tummy,xrays etc.and it was decided my angina has gone from a stable angina,to unstable,meaning anything can trigger it. long and short of it is,i am now on a beta blocker a day,and angina meds been increased to 1 full tablet from a half.and i feel much better. thankyou myra for ringing mum,and making sure brian was there with her,also for going to hospital and picking me up.i got home at 8pm.she took me to the surgery so i could get my car.alls well,etc.
i have seen the MS consultant also since i last posted.occupational therapist has been and i have had a new shower seat brought,rails added,etc.just one worrying thing,he did say my weak voice may not be all due to MS,and has written to ear nose and throat to get me checked over.apart from that,yes i am worse,weaker on left side,usual happy things.no worry.
mum has not been too good,gets very forgetful and vague,i heard her one night out of bed,she was looking for something in bedroom,but she had no idea what it was she was looking for. and i cant write any more about that. it is too painful.
i am going to post again tomorrow or weekend,a poem i read on a young ladies facebook site.and i need your help. because i want you,faithful readers,to copy that poem,paste it on your blog.and post it too. you will all see why. it needs so much more recgonition than just my blog. it is on OCD.AND IT MADE ME CRY.and it is beautifully written from the heart.i shall post shortly,thankyou all for being there for me,take care all,mort

HAPPY 90TH BIRTHDAY MUM

Lot of presents

even more cards,i had to buy 2,1 with mum,and another with a stuck on 90

Myra,the main person who made mums day so special.thankyou love xx

for a first attempt with a strange camera,the photographer did a good job,lol

no,mum WASN'T crying,or even close.just forgot to smile,lol.all bit much at times.

The lady,a friend of Myras makes these for a hobby.very talented.it tastes wonderful.rich fruit cake,full of cherries and good things.and so moist.

It was my mums 90th birthday today,Myra came over to see her,and to present her with the wonderful cake she had had made for her,along with presents.our neighbour Jan came in,a bottle of Bucks fizz opened,and i cut us all a slice of cake.absolutely delicious.Many grateful thankyous go to my lovely Lady,Myra,you made an old lady very happy today.And her son.

Being a carer full time can be very tiring,specially when i am feeling ill myself,but it is an absolute pleasure to care for mum,and i am glad to be able to do it. take care all.

ANOTHER YEAR OVER,A NEW ONE JUST BEGUN

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR.HOPE 2011 IS GOOD FOR YOU ALL.

HOME FOR CHRISTMAS.

Yes,it really is me back,lol.been a while,and i have missed you all.i just had to have a break,and really couldn't see myself starting again.but sometimes it is nice to have somewhere to share life with,facebook,etc.have their uses,and i am still on there,indeed thanks to Guido i am now admin on Facebook (10) Call for Support on Facebook,as i am also on here,Call for Support,so if you know any of our friends in need of moral support,a comment,maybe a prayer,please let any of the admin know.i think Guido made me realise that the spirit of Jland was alive and well,and just how much i missed it.

So,why did i stop?those 2 little initials mainly,M and S.it had become hard for me to concentrate on writing an entry which is interesting,chatty,and that doesn't sound self pitying.still is,lol.but many of my readers have said,we miss you Mort,when are you coming back? and can i thank you all for the many nice comments i have received.so,at this festive time of year,(hence the title) let's play catch up on my life shall we??

Mum is reasonably well,considering she is 90 in january,(and watch out for that post,something special is planned for that milestone.)yes she has bad days,days where she just cannot remember things,gets confused,gets scared.her feet have been reasonably good,her favourite chiropodist is now back from maternity leave,unfortunately we had to cancel her appointment for this past monday as the weather here has been so atrocious,but it is rebooked for 10th january.that carer she had that was so surly and rude has been replaced.i complained rather vociferously to the management at the end of the 2 weeks she was "caring"for mum.on that last friday she spoke a grand total of 16 words to mum,was with us for 7 minutes,and i blew my top.for a few weeks we never knew who we would have the next day,time,or anything.so,at mums review a few weeks ago i explained that mum NEEDS someone who has time for her,who will be here at the same time every day,and who she likes.and i am happy to say that it has been agreed that we only are sent 3 different carers,Michelle who is the main carer,or either Sam,or Sarah.all 3 are actually rapid response carers,and all 3 are lovely,and my mum is happy now.tracey still comes on a Thursday lunch time to see us,and to get mum lunch while i am out.Michelle comes at 7,and she gives mum a good wash,makes time for her needs,has a chat,as do the other 2 ladies.the difference between these 3 carers and the last one is simple.these are CARERS.they know that talking,laughing,taking an interest in their clients,are every bit as important,in fact more important,than just a wash and brush of the hair.Thankyou Michelle,Sam,Sarah,and ok you as well Tracey,lol,bless you all.

I am still getting a bit of angina if i do too much,or rather anything stupid,lol.the MS is worse i suppose,i damn nigh choked to death the other week which scared me.food got stuck across airway.back is........well,not good.pain gets to me at times,but then it does to everyone.i could be a lot worse,and i DO count my blessings.

The biggest blessing has been my lovely girlfriend Myra.we had a MS society dinner dance 2 weeks ago,i got cover for mum for 4 hours. a really great night,with a lovely lady.christmas this year for a change is something i am looking forward to.the lights are all up outside and on the windows,house looks nice.

So,there you have a quick recap.i cannot promise to post regularly,i cannot promise to comment,or even read,your blogs,i just do not have time.but i am always here if anyone ever needs an ear,or if i can help someone.

And on that note,can i just wish you all,A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS,AND A PEACEFUL NEW YEAR. take care all.xxxxxx

this blog cannot be accessed via facebook anymore,i have removed the link.i have my reasons,and they are mainly why i stopped this blog.