getting there

well     i  rang MS  nurse this morning.   she  said     i  was  thinking about  you  other  day,  i  been expecting  you  to  ring.    why   asked.    she  said  that  many  people  take  6  months  to  come to terms  with having it.appointment  next  thursday.       also  sorted  out  forms  ready  to take  to  disabilities  rights        ringing them  tomorrow.    so   yeah.  getting there  slowly.       feeling bit  better          that  helps.   and  sun is  shining.         take  care  all

time to share

i told about my  other  private journal a few entries  back.  the one i keep for those days  i can't cope,and need  to  get  it off my chest.  well,  i  realised  there  was  something  missing.  my  friends  comments.   so,  this  is  to set  the record  straight.  once and for all.    my MS,  and  how  bad  it sometimes  really  is.if you   want  to  leave  now,  i  will understand ok?   back  to  normal  next  time.   this  is  just me explaining  to my friends.

i first  got symptoms  over  8 years ago,  tingling  in my hands,like  when you are stung  by nettles.  at  first  i wasn't  worried,  then one day  i tried to put a picture  up,i couldnt hit the picture hook nail,kept  missing.   so i went  to  dr.M,  at first  he thought  i  had  a  trapped  nerve,   in the end   i was  sent  to  neurologist,  and  i have  told  what  happened  in  earlier  entries.    so,last  year,on  december  21st  i  was  diagnosed  with  MS.  i  have  told you  how  my  ankles  swell,  and  the pain  i get.  well  today  was  the  worse  i have  EVER  been in my life.   pain  in my legs  nearly  sent  me  mad.   and  spasticity is  really  bad in  them.   i  cant  keep  them  still.  i'm  still a carer  though,so  after  mum had  eaten  breakfast  i  washed  floors  in kitchen  and  bathroom,and  decided  to  clean  lounge  up a bit.    not  a  lot.   just  tidy  and  dust.    now  my  desk  was  full of  junk,  so  i  thought,  nice easy  job,   sit  on chair  and   clean up.  and  then  i  realised  something.       

i  have  had  forms,  and  papers  about  different  benefits  i  may  be able  to  get.     someone  was  supposed  to  be   getting  in touch  with me  to  talk  to me about  helping me  fill them   in.      i  have  never  heard  from  them.         but  neither  have  i  done  anything about  it.    there  were letters  from  the  MS  society.     disability  rights,   council.     loads  of  papers.      and  i realised something.   i  have  been  hiding  them.   in  full view,  but  covered  over  with other  stuff,   under  books.      letter  from  linda        my  MS  nurse.        asking  me  to  make  an appointment.   i  never  did.     form  for  blue  badge               never  filled  in.       and        i  got  thinking.   i  came  to  the  conclusion  i  have  had  a  tiny,  just  a  little,  hardly  noticeable             breakdown.      anything  to  do  with  the  MS        or  being  disabled        has  been ignored.   oh,  yes  i  talk about  how my  ankle is  on here,   how  i  got  chest  infection.            but    the  important  stuff,   the forms,   the  appointments,   those  are  swept  under  the  carpet.        and  i  think  i know  why.         i  dont  want  to  be  disabled.       i  hate  being  unable  to  cope.       to  not  be  able  to  walk over  the  marshes.        so,if  i  ignore  it         maybe  it  will go  away.        except       its  not  going  to.       and  today   i   really  have had to  accept  the  truth,   i  have  MS,  and  i  cant pretend  any  more.        i  hate  it.       i  hate  waking  every  morning,in  pain,knowing  it  will  get  worse  as  the day  goes  on.    i  hate   not  being  active,  even  with  my  bad  back  i  was  able  to  walk  ok,   now  every  step  hurts.      and  i  cried.    a  lot.     i  think  poor  mum  has  been expecting  it.        anyway,  after  i had  had   a  good  wail,   i  sorted  all the papers  out.       monday  i am ringing  linda,make an appointment  to see her.   perhaps  i can  keep on  steroids,   they  did  help.         also  going  to ring  up  about  help  with filling  in  forms.  think  its  about  time.

so.   if  you  was  to  ask  me   how  i  am  right  now?   i  would  say,oh   ok  thanks,  ankle  bad,but doing ok.        i  always  do.       but  i  am  not  doing  ok.   not  really.   but  i  am  still  that   carer.        so  i  have  to  be ok.and  who  knows,maybe  the  next  time you  ask me                maybe  i  really  will  feel  a  lot  better.  you  think??  take  care  all

a friend in need

the above  tag  was  done  by  connie   of  ANYWAY..........................   for  her  friends  who had  helped  her  in her  recent  trouble.  i  asked  if i may  snag  it,  she  gave  me her permission.   so  i  want  you  all to  do  what  she  wants.  pass it  on  to  all your  friends.        please   snag  it  and  use  as  you  will.     if  you  read  this          you  are  my  friend        and  deserve  it.

many thanks  for  those  who answered  my entry  on   Call for Support  a  prayer  for  carrie.   a  good friend , jane,in  my  chatroom i use,  her  daughter  carrie  recently  had  lazer  eye  surgery.  which  seems  to have  gone  tragically  wrong.  poor  girl  is  in a lot  of  pain  and  distress.        neither   write  journals.   yet  when  i  asked        you  replied.   that  is friendship.   thankyou.

mums  visitor  came  yesterday  and  stayed 2  hours,they  have  become  good  friends,   and  has  given  mum   someone  to  talk to.   i am grateful  to  her.   I ,  like many  carers  don't have  much  free time.  if  i am going to be gone out  for any length of time i have toorganise  the  Crossroads  caring  service,    and  they  send  someone  to call in and make  her a  cup of  tea etc.   or  a  neibour  will help.   so, friends  are  important  to  me  and  to  other  carers.   we  need  you.         you  keep  us   sane.   to  be able  to  talk.laugh,  and  to have  someone  you  can  moan  to,when  it gets  bad       that's  friendship.   

i  have  said  some of  this  before.    but  i  realised  just  lately   just  how important  my  "online"  friends   are.    i  don't  have  that  many friends outside  the  web,   pam  is  my  best friend,and  i do go over  to  see her   every  week,   but   i  also  have/ had    a   good  friend       kev,   we  been mates  over 37  years.  i  am  5  years  older  than him,  i  saved  him from  being  bullied  one  day,  just  after  my  dad  died.  the   aspiring  village  bully  was  doing  his  best  to  make  kevs  life  a  misery   when  i  walked  past.   now,bear in mind,  i  was  bullied  a  lot,   and  i mean  a   LOT    at  school.i  was  quiet,   preferred  reading  to  sports,  a  loner.  ( stop saying  awwww pam  lol)  when i left  school i  joined  an electricians  for  6  months  before  deciding  i preferred  shop work,and   was  bullied   by  one  electrician there.    dear  douggy   lol     he  made  my  life  hell.   until  one  day  something  snapped.    he  threw   a  hammer  at  me  and  called  me  ****ing  useless  tosser.        i  broke  his  nose.       hardest  punch  i  ever  threw  in  my  life.  lol         after  that,and  a  lot  of  pain  lol  he  treated  me  with  respect.  which  is  when i  realised.      bullies  are  cowards.   so,   kev  being  bullied,me  going past,   and  1  very  sorry  bully  in a  hawthorn  hedge,    because  i  picked  him up  and  dumped him in  it  lol.   shook  kevs  hand,   and  we  were  mates.   and  were  until  last  year.   he  would  ring  me  every  week,   usually  a  friday,  he  got  free  calls  so  we  would  talk  for  ages.  he  lives  in london,  his  wife  died  several  years  ago.    before  he  moved  away   we  would  go  everywhere  together.    happy  days  kev. i was  due to  go into  hospital last year  for a  tonsil  removed,  i  didnt  know  if  it  was  cancerous,  i  now know  that  it  was  my  MS  causing  many  of the  problems  i was getting,but it was a worrying  time  for  me.    kevin  was  supposed  to ring  the  tuesday  night  after  i got  home.  i  sent  him txt  to say  i was  out  and  op  had  gone  ok,         and  he has  never  rung  me  since.   why?  i  have  no idea.   he  told  mum i was  always on  here,pc,  and  he  never  knew  when  to phone.  now  that  is  true,  but  the last  time  we  talked,the  week  before  the   op  we  were  chatting  for  over  an hour. i  have  sent  txts,  he  replied  to1  saying  would  ring  the  next  week,  never  did.   and  i  just           drifted.   gave  up.          no  christmas  card  from  him,   his  sister  and  mum  sent  us  1             none  from  kev.    no  birthday  card.        so  i  gave  up.         and  then  yesterday  i  opened  our  local  paper           and  in  the  funeral  notices,giving  thanks    was  a notice.   his  mother,Betty  was  dead  and  buried.   said  after  short  illness   at  home,   donations  given  to  macmillan  nurses  so  assume  she  died  from  cancer,       and  neither  he,  nor  his  sister  sue,even  let  me  know  betty  was  dead.         i  used  to  stay  every  weekend,they  kept a pub  and  i would  go  over  on  my  motorbike           another  story  maybe?            and  stay.         betty  was  like  a  second  mother  to  me.    i  would  have  liked  to  have  paid  my  last  respects  at  her  funeral.

so,  apart  from  pam,i  really  don't  have  many  people  (any  really)  i  call  close  friends.apart  from  you all.         my  jland   friends,and   my  chatroom  friends.       and i  thank  you.         for  being  there  when  it  gets  bad          and  say        come  on  mort          another  day  tomorrow.         thankyou.    you  all  deserve  that  award.   every  one  of  you.   take  care  all

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garden woes

having  just spent  15  minutes  trying  to add a pic,  i have  given up. so i will  sort  that  out another  time.  i havent  posted  lately,  not  felt  very  well.   my  ankle  appears  to  be  trying  to grow  to  be a football.  lol         took mum  out on wednesday  and  had  hairs  done,  i am  more  of a polish  these  days        lol.  apart from that,  not a lot of interest  has  happened.    today,we  have  had  the  worse  winds i can  ever  remember  having  in june,   played  havoc  with  my  hanging  baskets,  a lot of the petunias  and  fuschias  have  snapped  off.  all part of the joys  of  gardening.

  i  grow a  lot of soft  fruit, raspberries,redcurrants,blackcurrants,gooseberries,  plums,pears,  and  an old apple tree  that  last year  produced  more  apples  than  was  good  for  it,  still  got  several  bags  of  frozen  apple  slices  in  freezer.  i  usually  fill  one  freezer  with  fruit,   i  also  have a few  strawberry  plants  in a trough,used  to have  a  huge  strawberry  patch   but  i  dug  them  up,  had  got  old.        so    soon  be  busy   picking  them  hey??     wrongggggg        firstly,  gooseberries.   although  i did   spray against  it,they have  all  got mildew  bad.  so  bad  there  won't  be  any worth  picking,  also  bloody  gooseberry sawfly  have  eaten  most  of  the leaves.   rather  think   i shall be  cutting  the bushes   back  hard  very  soon.   need  a  good  prune.    redcurrants.   one  large  bush         and  was  full  of  fruit.   WAS.   we  have a lot  of  woodpigeons around  here           and  this  year  for  the first time   ever       they  have   stripped   the  redcurrants        green          not  even  fit  yet          the  lot  gone.   and  i put a net  over  the  bush.   that is  bad  enough          but  all  3  blackcurrant  bushes  have  suffered  the same  fate,    stripped bare.    why  the  pigeons are  attacking  them this year  i have  no idea.   plum  tree  is  bare,  very  few  fruit  set      and  those  that  did  have  also  been  eaten,  i  got   7  pears  on  2  trees,  lol        and  the  apple  tree  didnt  hardly  set  any apples  at  all.  the  only  fruit  i have  got  coming  are  raspberries,  and  i have  netted  them  over.    thrush   still  gets  under for  a  few  lol.  but  i dont  mind  that.  so        my  freezer  empty          luckily  a  friend  has   bought  us  a  load  of strawberries          and  i  have  frozen  them     for  jam.   yes i  do  make  my own  lol          and  have  found  that  i  prefer  using  frozen  fruit,  i  just  pop  a  bag  in  the pan  and  leave  to  thaw  out  naturally.   the  fruit  is  starting  to already  break down,  and  no  water  is  needed           result   is   3  nice  jars  of  homemade  strawberry  jam  on thursday.  with  a  lot  more  to come.       

so,just  in case  anyone  thought  i never  get  problems  in  my  garden,   and  that  everything  is  always  so  perfect,    this  puts  things  in  perspective  lol.   yes,my  flowers  are  doing  well,   shame  about  the  rest  of  it.   

  just  add  that  i  asked  mums  visitor  not  to  come  this   past  thursday,  she  was  very  tired  after  having  hair  done,  and  i had  an upset  stomach.   which  i didn't  want  her  to  catch.  mum  really  has  had  awful  pain  again  with  toe  and  arthritis  in  knees         maybe  if  we  get  some  decent  weather   she  will  feel  better.        as  we  all will.    take  care  all

fathers day thoughts

i hope those of you lucky enough to still have your fathers   have remembered  them  today,Fathers day.  my dad died when i was  18        he was  just 53,   died from a heart attack.    in those days   we    (like the majority  of  working class families in those days  did'nt have a telephone,   so  when at around 3.30 in the morning i was woken  by mum shouting   that  dad  was  in terrible pain,  pains  in chest  and  down arms,   i had to peddle nearly a mile down the road  to the public  telephone  box.  i  rang our family doctor,   Dr.Meanly    he  was  70  then i'd  guess,   rather  blunt  to say the least,  but  a  good dr.   i  said,dads  in terrible pain,chest,arms.etc.   he  said,well tell him to take  2 aspirin and i will look in  in morning.   okkkk        don't argue  with  dr he knows  best.   so  i got on  bike  and  pedalled  back home,   just  as  i was  telling  mum  what  he had  said,a car pulled up  and  the  dr  knocked  on  door.   after  he put  phone  down  he  thought        pains  in chest??  arms??   oh  hell   and  jumped  into car.   bearing  in mind  he lived  at  foulsham   the next village,2 and  half  miles away     he  mustve  drove  like a madman   lol.   he  examined  dad       and  said  he  has had a heart attack,  not a  very serious  one,but  a heart attack   nevertheless,  he  gave dad an injection   which  sent  him to sleep       and  said  would call in in morning.   off  back to his  bed  he went.   me  and  mum  sat  talking  and  drinking  tea,  until  my  bloody alarm clock  suddenly  went  off,  it  was  6.30    on  the  saturday  before august  bank  holiday   1971       i  was working   at  an ironmongers,( previous  entry  somewhere,)  and  had  set  my alarm.  i  ran  to my bedroom  and  stopped  it,   but  dad  woke.   we  looked  in,   he  said  the pain  had  eased        and  dozed  back  off.    mum and  i  went  back   to  the  lounge,   and  we  had  hardly  sat  down  when   we  heard  an awful  noise.    dad  had  had  a massive  heart  attack,    and  died   at 6.42    the  noise  was  the  "death  rattle"    and  i would  rather  never  hear  it again.       although  i knew  he had  gone,i  ran  up to  our  friends  house    100 yards   has  never  seemed  so far    dr. mathers       a  lovely  old  gentleman  of  the  old  school,   very  polite,well spoken.  a retired  anaesthatist         i   knocked  on  his  door,he  came  still in pyjamas,   listened  to   my  frantic  dads  dea..........and  was  off  like  lightening.   he  was  getting  on  for  70            but  he beat  me  back         easily.    he  tried   giving   CPR    and  kiss  of life,  to  no avail.         my  dad was  dead.       later i ramg  the  doctor     and  told  him      dad  is  dead             and  got  a  rather  abrupt,how  the  hell  do  you  know?  are  you  a  doctor?  im on  my way.    i  explained   dr  mather  had  said  he  was  gone,   which  rather  shut  him  up  lol          my dad.Geoffrey Cecil Lake   aged   53   rest in peace  dad.

i  cant  pretend  i was  that  close  to  my  father      i  was  always  a  "mummys boy"lol    but  he worked  bloody   hard    and  although  we  were'nt well off   he did his best to provide  for  mum  and  me.      a  good  man,  not  very  demonstrative     but  i know  he  loved  me.      sad  thing  though        and  one  i  bitterly  regret       the  night  before  he died          we  had  had  a  blazing  row.  i  wanted  to buy a motor bike      and  he  did'nt  want  me  too.    daft  row.    but  he died          without  me saying      sorry  dad.   so,   if  any  of  you  have  fallen out  with  your  fathers        don't leave  it  too late,  say  sorry  dad         or  one  day         you  may  regret  it  to.

  take  care  all

guest editors pick a thankyou

its been a quiet week really,mum has  got a lot of pain in her toe,  my ankle and foot is killing me,   so i have been resting it.   well,for  me its resting.lol  did   cut grass  and  did bit in garden.   mums visitor  came thursday  and i went to wells, rather  cool though  so did'nt  stay long.

i want  to say thankyou  to  mary   Just Mary   who is the guest editor  this week,   pam  sent  me email congratulating  me  so i went on magic smoke and looked.   she  has  written a touching  entry.   and i am grateful to her.   thankyou.      but  i want to just  say something,   i  consider it a privilege  to care  for  my mum,   it's never  a chore,  and  i am by no means  unique in what  i do.  ok,it don't make it easier  that i am not well myself,   but  there are  many  thousands  of people  who care for a parent,  child,  brother,sister   etc.   and  who never  get  any  kind of recgonition.   so i am sharing  this  with  them.    anyone  who thinks   it is easy  needs  to try  it,  it's  24/7   365 days of the year,  the pay  is crap        lol       but  the rewards?    well,  i  am just  paying  mum  back,  for  all she has  done  for me in the past.     i have  already   been rewarded.  55 years  of  being  her  son.   

one last thing    there  is a new  journal  by  dee,   if  you are  into fish   pay her a visit,   i think she will be grateful  for any comments,  Fishkeeping by an Ex expert   she has  just  started  this,  very   short  entries,so  why  do i mention  it?   well,  i know  how it felt when i started  this,   lot  of entries  had  no comments,   and  you  feel        is  it worth it?  no-one  will be interested.    and  i think  she has  what it  takes  to  become  a  really interesting   journal  writer.   so  go on,pay her a visit.       its a decent day  here,   sunny  but a cool wind,  so i shall get on  and  do a bit  in garden i think.  take care  all

the proof of the pudding..............

yesterday was  lousy,it poured  all day,   very  wet,cool and  miserable,   so i  got on with housework.  cleaned  kitchen and  shower room,  took me ages  as  this bloody ankle is killing me.   got up this morning  to a  very  damp,misty  dull morning,  which   got  out at  12.30         to  glorious  sun,and  warmth.  cooked  a  yummy  roast  beef  lunch,cleared  away,loaded   dishwasher      ( no im not  rich,pam gave  it me  lol  her  son got  it,and  it was  being  used  in her  berdoom as a tv  table.   lol   its  a  tabletop one  but  its  been plumbed  into  cupboard  under sink)     and  went  to bed til  5.

now,remember  i was praising  spray and  grow a few entries back??   get  it  from QVC  shopping  channel,   another  free plug.   lol.   well      these  pics  show  why i praise it so much .  enjoy  and  if anyone  not  into  flowers       nice  having  you this  far  lol.

  tomatoes  are  doing  so well   been sprayed  with it  every  week        huge  trusses    and  looking  good.  get fed every 2 waters  with tomato fertiliser as well.

  busy lizzies  in a flower pouch   were tiny plug plants.  every plant  has  been sprayed  every week with spray n gro   EXCEPT   for the bottom left plant.   again  fed weekly with toato feed.  as  can be seen  there is a huge difference in the quality and size  of plant.  i was careful to choose 10 plugs  exactly  the same size.   poor little thing  is  being  sprayed  now  lol

  front  of  my house   no its not a jungle  underneath window  lol   they are day lillies   look bit untidy   until they bloom

 fuschias  doing  so well

 again   sprayed  weekly  n fed       watered  every  day  soon dry out 

 this is on an old plinth i found when i moved in    think it was  a bird bath once   i turned it upside  down,the  pot is one of a set of 3  that  cost  6.99 a set    and  is near the pond.

so,  think you now  know why i praise spray n grow  so much.   2  more sprays will do,then  i feed  twice weekly with tomato fertiliser          and  hope  they  keep going  until  september.     i  did  try and  add these pics as an album    and  crashed      twice   doing  it           so    hope  you enjoyed  them.  take care  all        and  many thanks  for  all the kind comments  you left.much appreciated

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A PRAYER FOR ZOE PLEASE

you will have  seen the last entry    and  will have  seen my  selection of those  whos  journals and frienship have  touched me        well   please  visit  zoe  will you all??   her  dad  is  terminally ill and  she  is distraught      as  i would  be  if it was  my mum.   her journal  is       Domestic Chaos  please  leave  her your comments,  she  really  does  need  our  prayers  and  love.   also  lisa    Please don't take life for granted.  her  last  entry  i have  just  read      again   she  needs  our  prayers  and  love       thanks  jland   mort 

oops she did it again lol

I am deeply touched,pam    Almost 40! has done another award.  this time  its for special friend     the people  who have touched  her life.   well im very pleased  to get mine,  and  i am still looking through the others she awarded  it to.  where i found amandas journal   Amanda and the Gang .  glad  i did      very well written    and a fellow gardener.   still waiting  that  strawberry amanda lol. 

you know  pam is right,  we  all read  each others journals,  comment,  care  for each other,but  its  taken pams award  to make me realise  just how close jlanders  really are to each other      when i started  my  journal last year  i had  read 1 journal in  my life.  thats  all   ninas  Overtaken by snails, life in the slow lane  it was her who gave  me the inspiration and  courage to start  this heap  of ramblings.  so ya know who to blame  lol.  i was always "into" chat  rooms,  made  a  lot of wonderful,close friends  on there.  1 in particular lol.  when i first started  reading other journals,i didnt think  jland  was  any where  like chatrooms,  that  you couldnt  make  friends  in this way.  how  very  wrong  i was.     i still spend a lot of my online time on IM to my friends,but  gradually i find  i am spending more and more time  reading  journals as well.   and  i am glad i do.  or else  i would  never  have  met  you all.

ok,  i have  made  so  many  new friends  on  jland,  its  really hard  to pick my best friends.   but  like pam,  here are the ones  that  i enjoy,and  in fact,in some cases  talk to   either  on im   or  mail.  starting  with  you  nina,  Overtaken by snails, life in the slow lane, lucy.bless her  day-to-day-life-by-Lucille4364,pam,that cup of tea  is waiting  when you come  "over the pond"Times of My Life, One Nurse's Story,zoe,  who has  become a good friend  and an inspiration Domestic Chaos,jaynee       think pink hun lol    Single Girl,yasmin  IS'NT SHE GREAT!!,jan Serendipity,indigo   a wonderful writer Raven's Lament,jack ShipsLog,sybil  SYbil,jane    well deserved for a brave  lady A journey of another kind....,june  MIDNIGHT,karen  a newcomer  to jland but  i know from chatroom blog of a disaster prone woman!,jenny  you rock girl  all the time  lolBoredom Eats Away At Me,ally  a fellow norfolk writer Life with ally,lisa  another  brave lady Please don't take life for granted.,kelly  Pride and Prejudice,  mary   who sadly lost her beloved  dad   Just Mary,  i must  mention guido,  we  all know him,and miss his Northern Trip,  thanks  guido,  and  lastly       and   the reason i am doing this entry   pam   Almost 40!.  whos last entry  for  "sentence of the week"  made  me spit  my cup of tea  all over this keyboard  laughing      have a look and see why  lol    thanks  my dear friend.

please note also,  i may comment on your journal,but i havent mentioned  you here.  that doesnt mean i dont enjoy your entries.  the fact i comment  means  i do,just that  i cant mention you all,  i just counted  there is another 20 or more  yet that  i now read, new ones being added  all the time,  but  i tend to read journals  rather haphazardly,if  any of my friends are online  i am usually talking to them,or  maybe  there  is a quiz  in chat,or i am playing  poker.   jland  is a part  of my online life.   a  lovely  part     but  just  one part.   THANK YOU ALL,THOSE MENTIONED,THOSE NOT,FOR ALL THE ENJOYMENT  YOU HAVE GIVEN ME,AND WILL CONTINUE TO GIVE ME IN THE FUTURE.   i will TRY  and  email  all those  mentioned    please  add  the tag  to sidebars,  anyone  i  miss  and  read  this  feel free to snag  it for your journal.  AND  INDEED  IF I HAVE  EVER COMMENTED  ON YOUR JOURNAL  PLEASE  ADD  IT TO YOURS,  YOU ARE  STILL A FRIEND EVEN IF  NOT MENTIONED.    take  care  all     

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how does my garden grow

well,its a wet day in norfolk,in fact its pouring down with rain.   we are soon going shopping at Fakenham,just thought i would post before we go out.  mums visitor was here yesterday,they seem to get on so well,i was able to get in garden for a while,   cut the front grass  etc.  now,  traceys boss was SUPPOSED to inform us when she was coming back,  haven't heard from her.  so this morning i was up at.6.35  made mum a cup of tea,and was in the bathroom,when i heard a knock on the door.    when i went       tracey.   typical efficiency  lol.  anyway,mum wasn't going to rush up,i wanted  my  tea  and ciggy,so  tracey had a cup with mum in edroom  and  went.  she has wrote car off,  braked and skidded  into a van.    maybe in future  she will drive more slowly in wet weather???  ya think???  no  nor me  lol.  anyway   heres a few  pics of the garden  hope  you all enjoy them.

 peony,not very big this year.  nor lasting  very long in the wet.

 poppy,perennial    if ya really want  to know,papaver orientalis        

   this rose was here when i moved in 15 years ago     badly overgrown      it smells  gorgeous

  growing well arent  they??   will post soon what  they look like  now       this was taken week or so ago

well,i had better get ready soon     will need a boat if it keeps raining like it is at the moment   lol  take care all

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just 2 more. can i pam? huh??puhleaseee

well  by now all my 5 friends i awarded pams  lovely award  have received  theirs    but i have  been thinking.    and  with apologies to pam        i must  really award   2 more,  1  i know pam  has already  done      indigo  Raven's Lament.   i am in such awe of this  lady    i  must  award  it  to her as well,  and  the second  goes  to my friend  jan         Serendipity.  she  always  comments, and  is a lovely lady.    mailing  you both.  there are so many others        SYbil         i enjoy  her journal immensely     Pride and Prejudice   kelly is a great journal writer       lastly    a mention  of  2  of pams     dear  yasmin  IS'NT SHE GREAT!!       a  good friend              and   1  that  i  read,  and  feel  so full of admiration  for  this ladies  courage        jane  A journey of another kind....      her journal has  made  me cry        but  also  filled  me with  joy,   may  you have  many anniversaries  jane.    these and  many  more i read now,and  enjoy.   you all deserve  this award       every one.

the anti biotics  seem to be helping,  i dont feel quite so chesty      just wish this ankle wasnt so bad.  oh well,  no news of tracey  yet          so  i hope she is ok.  thanks  for all the kind wishes        and prayers.    take care all        mort xxx

caring friend award

       

many thanks to pam  for this award.   she decided  we all need cheering  up  so  did this award  herself       and  i am  very  grateful  thanks  love  Almost 40!  please  read her entry for details.

now  i am going to choose my  5    these  are  the ones  i  think deserve  it,but  pam  choose  4  i  would  also  have picked.  i think  every  1  i read  deserves  this award  really,you are  all so  lovely.  and i am  glad i  started writing  this journal,  and  glad  to know you all

my  first award  goes  to  lucy    my  second  mom   who  always worries about  me,   she writes a lovely  journal.   thanks  lucy    you a  great person day-to-day-life-by-Lucille4364    my  second  goes  to  zoe       she  always  makes  me smile,but  is also  a lovely  caring  person,   whose dad  is very  ill   thanks  hun,glad  to know  you xxDomestic Chaos           my  third   i  choose  pam, a  nurse  at  disneyland.  a  lovely  journal,private i know   but she let  me in          and  we  have  become  friends   thanks  pam love  xxTimes of My Life, One Nurse's Story    my fourth         june   who  always  cares  about others  although  often ill herself,  her faith is an inspiration  MIDNIGHT    lastly    my  fifth   goes  to  jayne        or  jaynee to her  friends,   her  journal makes  me  smile        but  also  her  moving  tribute to her  late  mum made me cry    hope you all like pink  lol  Single Girl.   just  one more         and  thats  to pam herself       you are a lovely person pam        and  im proud to call you my friend xx

i shall mail the 5 i have chosen    please  pick one of the tags  and  put it in side bar   thanks  for  making  my  life  better         all of you 

mums carer  has  had a car accident,  due to the bad weather  she was  late getting  to  mine    firm had  rung to say she had  broken down,by time she got here  mum was  up.  after  she left  us    she had an accident         no  details,dot  think shes  hurt  but car  is in a mess.   won't  be  seeing  her  this  week,but  we  told her firm we can manage  ok.   which  we  can.     i went to drs  yesterday  and  yes  i do have  yet another  chest infection        that  makes  5  since  january,  he has  put  me on strong antibiotics,  but  is  worried    the fact  i am getting  so  many   means  the next  time  it maybe  pneumonia.   have  to  be careful.   take  care  all          many  thanks  for kind comments  on  my last  entry    i appreciate them all         mort

no title.just another entry

mums visitor saw her thursday,i went to wells and left them to chat,still doing that when i got home hour and half later.    great to see         and i thank C  from bottom of my heart,its given my mum someone to talk to.   friday  we went shopping,   bought some  more plants.   and  saturday  was  spent  putting them in        20 verbena,        fed all the baskets,watered  and  did the housework.   so  today,just  cooked  what  turned out  to be a colonel sanders  reject  chicken  for  lunch,tasteless and  rubbish  and  then  went    to  bed  after i had  done  dishes.   and  thats   pretty  much  me  up to date.

i have  just about  had enough  you know??  this  ankle is crippling  me, i have  doctors  at  3pm      to see him about this chest infection,  i  feel  very  down,and  im scared.   because  its  getting  harder  for  me to care  for  my  mum.  pushing her around  the supermarkets  friday       was  just about  all i could manage,   all i could  think of  was      please  god,let  me get home.  i'm  tired  due to lack of sleep,keep waking  up with  the spasticity back in my shoulder,causing  the arm to jump,  not  nice,  bloody ankle  throbbing, and  its  getting to me.

you will all say,well mort,don't do so much,rest,put your feet up.  so,  tell me        if i do that            just  who in hell will care  for  mum??     another  bloody useless carer  come in to get  her  food??   wash her         perfunctorily        and  pat  her  on the head  like you would a small child?  no,it has to be  me.  yeah,ok   i will take  any  more help  available,but  the ammount  offered  isn't  great.      you see,i  keep a lot  back.  the bits  you all read?       those  are  the easy  bits  to write about.  i may  moan  that  i don't feel well     that  i am in pain,         but  i don't  tell it all          not  on this  journal.  those  thoughts  are for  my other journal.  a  private  one i started  on  dec.22nd last year,day after  i was confirmed  with  MS,  and  that  tells a different story.   one  you will never  read,its  title  will remain  my secret.        why am i telling  you all this?  Zoe  got  me thinking,those  who read  her blog   will know  what  she  said      the kind  things  she  said about  me.      well,  i am glad  i could  help you  hun,  and it  made me realise  something.  we all need  someone  to talk to about  our  problems.   and  maybe  i should  share  a  bit more  with  jland.   but  you see,  i have always  tried  to keep  this a bit  light hearted,  i  don't  want  to lose  the readers i have  because i get  so dark.    but  i read  zoe's  last  entry            her  blog  is  domestic  chaos  by  way,never  know  how to add links   so  forgive  me if i dont.  and  she  has  been  brave  enough  to  show  how  she  is feeling.            so  if  she  can        so can i.       not often  mind.   this  will still be caring and  sharing,   just  sometimes           can i please  share a bit  more with you all??  if  anyone  doesn't want  to read  my  occasional   ( hopefully  rare! ) entry  of self pity           i will understand  ok??    only      i   can't always  be  optimistic.    sometimes            sometimes  i  need  to  have  a  damn  good  cry.   anyway     i'm  going  to bed       may  get  a  decent  nights  sleep,  had  a  good rest  today,  and  hopefully  will  feel better  tomorrow.   whatever  happens,  i will let  you all know..   and  yeah,maybe  a  bit  more  than  i do  know.    thanks  friends          take  care    oh and  many thanks for your prayers  for lyn,especially  to june,bless you all.  she  tells  me she is feeling a bit  better.  thanks  as always  jland