mums visitor saw her thursday,i went to wells and left them to chat,still doing that when i got home hour and half later. great to see and i thank C from bottom of my heart,its given my mum someone to talk to. friday we went shopping, bought some more plants. and saturday was spent putting them in 20 verbena, fed all the baskets,watered and did the housework. so today,just cooked what turned out to be a colonel sanders reject chicken for lunch,tasteless and rubbish and then went to bed after i had done dishes. and thats pretty much me up to date.
i have just about had enough you know?? this ankle is crippling me, i have doctors at 3pm to see him about this chest infection, i feel very down,and im scared. because its getting harder for me to care for my mum. pushing her around the supermarkets friday was just about all i could manage, all i could think of was please god,let me get home. i'm tired due to lack of sleep,keep waking up with the spasticity back in my shoulder,causing the arm to jump, not nice, bloody ankle throbbing, and its getting to me.
you will all say,well mort,don't do so much,rest,put your feet up. so, tell me if i do that just who in hell will care for mum?? another bloody useless carer come in to get her food?? wash her perfunctorily and pat her on the head like you would a small child? no,it has to be me. yeah,ok i will take any more help available,but the ammount offered isn't great. you see,i keep a lot back. the bits you all read? those are the easy bits to write about. i may moan that i don't feel well that i am in pain, but i don't tell it all not on this journal. those thoughts are for my other journal. a private one i started on dec.22nd last year,day after i was confirmed with MS, and that tells a different story. one you will never read,its title will remain my secret. why am i telling you all this? Zoe got me thinking,those who read her blog will know what she said the kind things she said about me. well, i am glad i could help you hun, and it made me realise something. we all need someone to talk to about our problems. and maybe i should share a bit more with jland. but you see, i have always tried to keep this a bit light hearted, i don't want to lose the readers i have because i get so dark. but i read zoe's last entry her blog is domestic chaos by way,never know how to add links so forgive me if i dont. and she has been brave enough to show how she is feeling. so if she can so can i. not often mind. this will still be caring and sharing, just sometimes can i please share a bit more with you all?? if anyone doesn't want to read my occasional ( hopefully rare! ) entry of self pity i will understand ok?? only i can't always be optimistic. sometimes sometimes i need to have a damn good cry. anyway i'm going to bed may get a decent nights sleep, had a good rest today, and hopefully will feel better tomorrow. whatever happens, i will let you all know.. and yeah,maybe a bit more than i do know. thanks friends take care oh and many thanks for your prayers for lyn,especially to june,bless you all. she tells me she is feeling a bit better. thanks as always jland